Ed Ranks Roman Units of Liquid Measure

Yeah baby, LET'S MEASURE LIQUID!

I know you're probably thinking about Ancient Roman Units of Liquid Measurement every day. You curse yourself for not knowing which is the best. Let me do it for you.

10. Acetabulum

• Modern Equivalent?  A little bit more than a quarter of a cup (if 2 fl oz, if you're metric).
• Does it Sound Cool? No. It's about one syllable too many to sound cool.
• What does it Mean? The most literal translation is "a little saucer for vinegar," but it can also be translated to mean "bowl," although obviously 1/3 of a cup isn't enough of a "bowl" to fill anyone. If you gave me 1/4 of a cup of cereal in the morning and pretend like that would fill my hunger, I would hit you in the face.
• What does it Sound like it Means? A Harry Potter spell which gives one of their professors diarrhea they can get out of class.
• Analysis: This is sort of a boring measurement. I mean I guess it's practical if you're baking something and you need an acetabulum of sugar mixed in the dough.

9. Quartarius 

• Modern Equivalent? Half a cup.
• Does it Sound Cool? No. The "Quart" part of it makes it pretty obvious and basic. 
• What does it Mean? A quarter (in reference to it being 1/4 of a Sextarius, which is strange, because the unit Sextarius itself refers to being 1/6 of another unit. So it's basically 1/4 of 1/6, which even my poor math skills can deduce is 1/24).
• What does it Sound like it Means? Perhaps it's the full name of "Q" from James Bond.
• Analysis: Like the acetabulum, useful for recipes I guess, but this is overall pretty uninteresting.

Tastes like... ashes?

8. Urna

• Modern Equivalent?  A punch bowl.
• Does it Sound Cool? Nope.
• What does it Mean? A pot. Although it sort of also obviously means "urn," which is a little cryptic but okay. Don't drink out of urns, people.
• What does it Sound like it Means? A Kentuckian trying to say "Urinal."
• Analysis: It doesn't sound cool, but a pot or punch bowl is a good measurement.

7. Congius

• Modern Equivalent? About a gallon.
• Does it Sound Cool? Eh.
• What does it Mean? The amount of water it would take to fill a large seashell (like a conch, hence congius).
• What does it Sound like it Means? The Latin name for the Belgian Congo on pre-1960 maps.
• Analysis: This is about a gallon, which is a good equivalent of measurement to have. But I really find it odd that as a modern society we're basing the amount of milk and soda and gasoline we're consuming is based on how much liquid ancient dead people could fit into a big' ol' mollusk shell.

6. Culeus

• Modern Equivalent? Nothing exactly. It's about three barrels. And I mean three actual barrels. Not the brand of Brandy named Three Barrels.
• Does it Sound Cool? No. It sounds dumb.
• What does it Mean? A sack/bag. Yet you know how "sack" / nutsack can be slang for testicles today? Well the Romans were exactly the same as us and also used sack as ball slang). 
• What does it Sound like it Means? "Clueless," if you have dyslexia.
• Analysis: This is too much liquid. Why do we have a measurement for this huge amount of liquid? Still, I'm loving the nutsack jokes.

5. Hemina (Cotyla) 

• Modern Equivalent?  A cup (a little more, actually)
• Does it Sound Cool? Maybe. Both terms have their benefits.
• What does it Mean? "Hemina" basically means "measure," which is a little bit of a meta meaning for a measurement. "Cotyla" is a little harder to define, coming from Ancient Greek (or pre-Greeks) and meaning "a cup." So that checks out with modern American measurements.
• What does it Sound like it Means? Maybe it's just me, but both "hemina" and "cotyla" sound vaguely sexual. Like hymen and coitus.
• Analysis: This is a pretty good measurement, I suppose.

The perfect amount of crack!

4. Ligula 

• Modern Equivalent? A little more than two teaspoons, a little less than one tablespoon.
• Does it Sound Cool? Not particularly.
• What does it Mean? Spoon.
• What does it Sound like it Means? Some Latin name for an insect or something. Or at the very least a sex act on Urban Dictionary. 
• Analysis: Good and necessary/practical measurement. Like the amount of sugar that a coffee needs. The name is bleh though.

3. Cyathus

• Modern Equivalent?  A shot glass.
• Does it Sound Cool? Yeah, I'd say that a pretty cool word.
• What does it Mean? Ladle
• What does it Sound like it Means? Some sort of demon species in the fictional universe of someone who just uses vaguely Latin-sounding words for demon names. Or a flower. I could easily believe a cyathus is a pretty type of orchid.
• Analysis: This is a shot glass so it's awesome and it also has a good name.

2. Amphora (Amphora Quadrantal)

• Modern Equivalent? Nothing exact, but it's a little less than a pony keg (about half of a standard keg).
• Does it Sound Cool? YES! Amphora is a cool word.
• What does it Mean? Large Jar / Vase. Surely you've heard of amphoras before.
• What does it Sound like it Means? I took all sorts of ancient Greek history and culture classes back in school, so amphora sounds like a large pot with cool-ass paintings on the side to me.
• Analysis: Amphoras rule.

The perfect measurement.

1. Sextarius 

• Modern Equivalent?  Basically... A PINT! YEAAAAAH!!!! This is the good ol' unit of a drink to get smashed on!
• Does it Sound Cool? It has "sex" in it, so yes!
• What does it Mean? (As alluded to in Quartarius) a Sextarius is 1/6 of another unit, in this case - the unit would be a Congius.
• What does it Sound like it Means? What a creeper at a bar would tell a lady his Zodiac Sign is. "Hey babe, you said you're a Virgo? Well I'm a Sextarius and you're a Leo! How about we go back my place?"
• Analysis: Yes. The sex thing doesn't even have to push it over the edge to be winner. The fact that this is a pint glass already means it's the best measurement. Hell, I measure my life in pint glasses. Because I'm an alcoholic.