Ed Ranks The Doors

Here are 15 of the Doors, ranked. 

A door

15.  Pretentious Sliding Barn Doors - These are the worst. If I have to watch another HGTV show where they install sliding barn doors to open up the kitchen, I might just have to take over the HGTV headquarters and force everyone there to play Saw-like games where they have to mutilate themselves.

14. Garage Door - Barely even a door. Just a giant hunk of wood or metal that you pull up (or have a machine pull up, these days) to let your car in. Or, more likely, to store all the useless clutter that you don't want in your house but can't quite throw away.

13. John Densmore - Nobody cares about The Doors drummer John Densmore. You could basically replace him with a drum machine and nobody would know the difference. Maybe you could even replace him with that wind-up monkey that bashes the cymbals together. You'll get the same effect. There is no way this dude would be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame without his other three bandmates to carry him.

12. Louver Door - Paneled door with some wooden slats. Supposedly looks "modern," but I think I've seen houses built in the 50's with these.


11. Folding Door - I guess folding is at least some sort of unique thing, but anything a folding door can do could probably be improved upon by just using a pocket door.

10. French Door - I guess this gives you a lot of light in a room. That's... nice? Unless you're a vampire.

9. Ray Manzarek - Nominally, Ray was the "bassist" for The Doors, but with all people associated with stuff like Transcendental Meditation, he was into playing stuff like keyboard bass and "combo organs" (hehehe). He was also the backup vocalist, so there's that. 

8. Revolving Door - Cool, but you don't live in an office building. Nobody would ever install one of these in their house, right? Revolving doors have their time and place, which is very limited.

Nice, but impractical.

7. Old West Saloon Door - I do indeed love an old western saloon you know what I'm talking about. Two small, hinged doors at torso-level that swing open. But they're impractical. Just imagine having these in your house. What sort of protection does this give you? Anyone can just walk in. Even if you put a lock on it, you can just crawl under it. How does this door keep rattlesnakes from slithering into your saloon? I'm not even sure if these were doors that saloons actually used in the past, or if it's just a cool-looking thing for western movies.

6. Standard Hinged Door - This is a pretty boring door, but it's the door that most of us use. Whether they're paneled, unplanned, no matter what material they're made of - this is the door that you're using to enter your house. Chances are most doors internal to your house are hinged doors. It's not sexy or anything, but if you're told to draw a picture of a door - this is what you'll draw.

5. Dutch Door - A sliding door, but split in half, so that you can open the top half of it and creep on people. Cool, right?

Additional Doors.

4. Robby Krieger - One of The Door's primary songwriters, he wrote or co-wrote "Light My Fire", "Love Me Two Times", "Touch Me", and "Love Her Madly." And those are, honestly, probably the best songs. Doors albums are like 90% filler, each with one good song. The rest is just beatnik nonsense with 15-minute long stretches of groovy, drug-fueled riffing.

3. Sliding Door - Whether it's your standard sliding bypass door (like you'd see on most double closet doors), or pocket doors (slide into an opening in a wall), sliding doors are great! Unlike with those hinged doors, no extra room is taken up, and you can't accidentally swing the door into something/somebody. Note that sliding barn doors don't count here, even though they are technically a subset. I am so done with those.

2. Jim Morrison - He did a lot of drugs, mumbled incoherently on a ton of songs, died at age 27, and is now on a bunch of t-shirts and posters. It's called a legacy, people.

1. Automatic Door - So cool. The ones in grocery stores would be sweet if they worked more than 50% of the time.  I'm mainly thinking about the ones in Star Trek that go "fwish" when they open.