Ed Ranks Pirate Ship Names

See? They just want to be friends with you!

Ah, pirates! They’re awesome, aren’t they? I mean not really. They’re mostly thieves and murders. I’m not going to rank pirates, because that would be too much work. Instead, I’ll rank some pirate ship names by how cool they are. YEAH! If you want to be a cool pirate, you need a cool nickname and, more importantly, a cool ship name. Nobody is going to be threatened if your ship is called The Contented Dove, or A Fancy Dalliance on the Esplanade.

Four notes for you here:

• There are some super cool pirates and famous pirates out there whose names will not appear on this ranking. Why? Because I couldn’t find a name for any of their ships. You should not doubt the coolness of Redbeard (Ottoman corsair Hayreddin Barbarossa), or Ching Shih (leader of the Red Flag Fleet), but I can’t find any names for their ships.
• There are lots of relatively boring ship names. As you’d think, many ships were given women’s names. Paulsgrave Williams commanded the Marianne. Charles Vane commanded the Katherine. Those are nice and everything, but a little too “blah” to make these rankings.
• There were many ships with the same name, or ships that were traded between multiple pirates. When I know that information, I try to include it below. But a lot of these ships got around and were taken/repurposed by others, so I might miss a few situations where another captain also had a ship with the same name, or sometimes the very same ship
• The Black Pearl is not a real ship, idiots. 

25. Amity – The ship of Thomas Tew. Nothing too amazing about the name, but it makes the list.

"Lady Pirate" being my particular fetish.

24. Kingston – This is not a particularly cool name, but I just want to put in on the list so I can give props to “Calico” Jack Rackham. He also commanded a much cooler name ship called Revenge, which I’ll note below, but others had ships with that name too. Calico Jack is awesome, and is the guy who sailed with the two equally famous lady pirates, Anne Bonny and Mary Read. He also had a ship called the William, but that’s a boring name that doesn’t deserve to make this list. So it won’t.

23. Royal James – An okay name for a pirate ship, commanded by Edward England.

22. Pride – The ship of Jean Lafitte. It barely deserves to be on the list with such a boring name, but I figure I gotta give Lafitte props, right?

21. Freedom – A ship of Benjamin Hornigold, who was, presumably, so-named because he was horny for gold. I guess. Freedom is a perfectly fine name, and I suppose it represents the concept of the independence of pirates (i.e. the concept of Libertatia). But after 200+ years of American history with flag-waving dipshit jingoists renaming everything “Freedom” (freedom fries, anyone?), this name loses its luster to me. 

20. La Concorde – Benjamin Hornigold briefly commanded the captured ship Concord, which became La Concorde, before turning it over to Edward Teach. This exact same ship is on the list twice, because La Concorde got renamed. Any guess as to what it was renamed? To find out, you need to scroll down to #1 below.

19. Fancy – Henry Every, Edward England and Edward Low commanded ships called Fancy. Or maybe it was the same one. I don’t know. The point is, this is a pretty popular ship among people named “Edward,” which you think would mean I’d like it too. Eh. I mean, it makes the cut for this list. Henry Every’s Fancy was probably the most notable version.

18. Rose Pink – Commanded by Edward Low. Edward Low had a TON of ships, and a lot of them make this ranking. I'm a fan of the non-threatening nature of this name, despite my earlier declaration that non-threatening names for pirate ships were lame.

17. White Seahorse – Irish woman pirate Grace O'Malley makes the list, with this ship. I’m not a huge fan of seahorses, but yeah, this name isn’t terrible. And I’d be remiss if Grace O’Malley didn’t get a mention.

16. Golden Hind – Sir Francis Drake’s ship. Another famous one, with a fine name. 

15. Soldado – Commanded by Dirk Chivers, and Spanish for “Soldier.” A perfectly good name for a pirate ship.

14. Squirrel – I’m not sure why Squirrel is so funny to me. I’m just a big fan of some big’ ol pirate naming his ship that. The pirate in this case? Edward Low.

13. Merry Christmas – Yet another ship commanded by Edward Low, who got around with his piracy. How weird would it be to be attacked by Merry Christmas? I mean other than in TV ads beginning long before Thanksgiving.

Yo ho ho, motherfuckers.

12. Whydah – The name Whydah does not exactly roll off the tongue (it’s named after a town in Benin, and/or an African bird, also called the “Widow Bird,” native to the same area), but I can’t not (double negative alert!) include the Whydah. That’s because it was the flagship of “Black Sam” Samuel Bellamy. If anyone is THE pirate other than Blackbeard, it’s got to be Black Sam. Bellamy was the wealthiest pirate ever, and was also called the “Prince of Pirates,” likened to a Robin Hood of the seas. The wreck of the Whydah was also discovered in recent decades, so this ship is a pretty famous one. It’s name though… ehh… I mean… at least it’s unique!

11. New York’s Revenge – Captained by Richard Worley. It makes the ranking for having “revenge” in its name, which automatically makes it a cool name. But New York? Eh.

10. New York Revenge’s Revenge – Another ship captained by Richard Worley. Good work for the metajoke, Worley. I didn’t even know they had metahumor back then. 

9. Golden Fleece – Commanded by Joseph Bannister. A perfectly good name for a pirate ship, if you’re a pirate that also enjoys Greek Myth. Or gold. Why not both?

8. Adventure – A ship belonging to the famous Blackbeard (Edward Teach). A little derivative of the more famous Adventure Galley (below), but I’ll allow it. Blackbeard’s other notable ship was far more famous.

7. Ranger – This ship, or various ships with this name, got around. Benjamin Hornigold, Edward Low, Charles Vane, and Calico Jack all sailed up on mofos via the Ranger.  Sure, it’s a decent enough name.

Have they released a blend called "Satisfaction" yet?

6. Satisfaction – No, this is not the ship that Keith Richards sailed in his cameo. This is actually the ship of Henry Morgan. As in Captain Morgan. Yes, that Captain Morgan. He was more of a privateer than a pirate, but I’m not really making a distinction between state-sponsored and freelance maritime thievery for these rankings.

5. Bachelor’s Delight – A quality name for a ship commanded by William Dampier, especially when compared to another ship commanded by Dampier, called Roebuck (that doesn’t make the list, although I assume the ship eventually teamed up with another one called Sears).

4. Adventure Galley – Famous ship of William Kidd. Yeah, good pirate ship name. I can’t say too much more about it.

3. Revenge – A lot to unpack with this one, as ships named Revenge (or with Revenge in their name somewhere) were pretty common. Ships with this simple name were commanded notably by Stede Bonnet, and, more importantly, “Calico” Jack Rackham. I do like the simplicity of the simple Revenge though, so this pulls ahead of some of other (but not all) of the Revenges with similar names. 

2. Royal Fortune – A ship of Bartholomew “Black Bart” Roberts. I mean, it’s a great name for a pirate ship, isn’t it?

Yeah, I wish the picture was cooler too.

1. Queen Anne’s Revenge – Blackbeard (AKA Edward Teach, but why call him that when you can call him fucking BLACKBEARD?) had the whole “pirate” thing figured out. Sometimes some random historic figure becomes the most famous by accident or good timing, when people similar to, and often more interesting than, them are forgotten. This is NOT the case with Blackbeard. This dude deserves every bit of fame he has. This is a pirate who knew how to market himself. Cool pirate name, and even cooler pirate ship name. You take a ship with the nothing-burger name of La Concorde and now call it Queen Anne’s Revenge? Holy shit! Upgrade. Nobody wants Queen Anne’s Revenge following them around. Who cares if New York wants to get revenge on you? I'm not that threatened. But Queen Anne? Nobody wants the might of a damn royal Queen chasing you around. Even if she is only the 26th most competent regent of England.