Ed Ranks Potato Chip Flavors

Hello BBQ, my old friend.

There are a lot of crazy ones out there. I'm just going to cover the common ones, that multiple different brands all use. You can go to any of the craptastic Buzzfeed-like websites and see a listicle about "crazy" potato chip flavors like ketchup, borsch, mint, cappuccino, etc. This is not that list. These are just the more normal ones. At least in the United States. I know in other places, other flavors would be more common. Like paprika chips or pickle chips, in Europe. Let me tell you something. Pickle chips are amazing and delicious. They are not to be mocked. They're sort of a tasty cousin of salt and vinegar, and I will not let you disparage them. But they're not that common here in the US, so you won't see them below. Sure, Lays and a few others have had pickle flavors, but I'm not sure they quite make the cut.

Also not ranked here are things like "Wavy" ("Ripples"), "Baked," or "Kettle Cooked." Those aren't flavors, but are varieties of chips, which may (and often do) receive the flavors below. Besides, ranking those would not be hard. The order between those clearly goes Kettle is best, followed by Wavy, followed by Plain.

12. Low (or No) Salt - Trying to be healthy? Why the hell are you even bothering to eating potato chips then? Go eat a carrot or something. Or bite into a plain baked potato.

11. Sea Salt - Normal salt is NaCl. Sea Salt is NaCl. There is ZERO scientific evidence that consuming sea salt instead of more refined sodium chloride salts has any health benefit, despite the hype. If you're buying Sea Salt chips, all you're doing is buying plain chips and paying more money for a gimmick.

10.  Salt & Pepper - I don't dislike salt & pepper chips, but they are certainly not among the first choice of chips I'd pick up if I saw them.

9.  Ranch - Many companies sell ranch potato chips, and they're perfectly fine. In truth though, the ranch flavor is better for corn chip-type snacks, like Doritos. You know exactly what I mean.

8.  Plain (Classic) - These are just fine, but blah. This ranking at #8 is probably pretty generous from me too, and they only get to be this high given that they can work as a side to almost anything, given how neutral they are.

This picture is of an "extra spicy" flavor, I presume.

7.  "Hot" Chips - This one doesn't have an easy title for me to give it, as every company gives these types of chips a different name. To some, they are called something like "Flamin' Hot," though you'll  get all sorts of fancy names like "Voodoo," "Red Hot," and probably even "Devil's Ass Fire." Not to be confused with something like Jalapeño chips (see below), these are the ones that typically have an unnatural red color and kick up the capsaicin levels to an 11. While normal Jalapeño chips might provide you with a nice, spicy kick to enjoy, things like "Mama Zuma's Revenge" are more likely to leave you with exit burns on your butthole a few hours later. You know exactly what I mean.

6.  BBQ - Hey, I'm surprised that I ranked this one this low too, as BBQ chips are an absolute classic! I love them, but I love five types of chips more than this one. Note that this is a wide category, as most companies have standard (or "classic") BBQ chips, as well as other things like Honey BBQ, Mesquite BBQ, etc. All subsets of BBQ chips are included here.

5.  Crab - Being from Maryland (and thus a worshiper of Old Bay), I wondered if this was just a truly "local" thing and nobody else knew about these, or if I could count them among the common chip flavors in the US. Though they are certainly a little more obscure that some of these other flavors, my research determined that crab chips were a lot more common than just the Utz brand that I grew up with, and companies like Herr's, Lay's, Route 11, and even Pringles have offered crab flavors. Unlike pickles, this one makes the cut!

4.  Cheese - This is probably the broadest category on the list, as cheesy chips are super common, but almost every company gives them different names, and some companies have multiple varieties of cheese-flavored chips. Some of the most common include Cheddar, Cheese & Sour Cream, Cheese & Onion, Cream Cheese & Chive, Cheddar Bacon, and so on. As with BBQ, I'm just going to classify these all into one ranking.

Ah, the ol' Salt & Vinegar

3.  Salt and Vinegar - These are delicious, and that vinegar flavor combined with the salt makes my tongue happy. I know some people are averse to these chips. That sounds like a personal problem to me.

2.  Sour Cream and Onion - Also sometimes this is Sour Cream and Chives instead, you get what I mean. This is one of the all-time classic flavors of potato chips, and there is zero reason to ever buy plain chips if you see these delicious bad boys around. I really debated if this should be #1 for a while, and had it there for a long time until I shuffled things around.

1.  Jalapeño - I don't actually eat chips that often, despite what you might think (given the fact that I'm ranking them). That being said, when thinking about what chips I do get if I wind up getting a bag of chips as a side at some place like a deli or sandwich shop, the ones I grab the most are probably jalapeño chips. I really like sour cream and onion, but honestly, if it was next to some kettle-cooked jalapeño chips (these are usually always kettle cooked, from what I've noticed at places), I'd grab the jalapeño ones probably 7 times out of 10.