8. Rudolph - This one doesn't even fit the theme of the other reindeer, who are all paired off in twos and have origins in Clement C. Moore's "A Visit from St. Nicholas," which in itself is based on an earlier story with just one reindeer. Rudolph was just a marketing scheme created by the Montgomery Ward department store. He's not even a real reindeer. You know, like how the other ones are totally real flying magic reindeer. Plus Rudolph sounds way too Germanic. After the 1940s, the whole "-dolph" thing ending someone's name sort of fell out of favor.
7. Donner - This is a bad name, and also associated with cannibalism. Of course, that's not the original name or what it actually means. The original name of this reindeer was "dunder," which sounds even stupider. However, dunder is actually the Dutch word for Thunder. They should have just named this reindeer "Thunder" and it would have the coolest name. Alas, Donner is what the poor bastard got stuck with.
6. Cupid - There is already a much more famous Cupid out there. When someone says "Cupid," they think of the Roman/Greek little naked baby who shoots people with arrows. Enjoy living your reindeer life in the shadow of another, more memorable, Cupid.
5. Vixen - So I guess Vixen is a girl. Unfortunate about that whole horrible 80's hair metal band, huh? They take a few points off your reputation just from association.
4. Dancer - Much better than prancing, but still not amazing. I guess depending on what kind of dancing this reindeer can do - it might be pretty awesome. Is this a breakdancing reindeer? That would kick ass!
3. Dasher - Dasher can, I assume, run really fast. This is a pretty good trait. Dashing skills are practical if you need to quickly deliver presents to millions of children around the world.
2. Comet - A ball of ice that flies through the sky and leaves an awesome trail. Recorded by humans for thousands of years and tied in with religions, myths and beliefs. Pliny the Elder believed that comets were connected with political unrest and death. That association as a bad omen held on for several millennia. This is a cool name. Comets rule.
1. Blitzen - The best name, and originating from the Dutch word for "Lightning" (as alluded to, Donner and Blitzen used to be the team of thunder and lightning before the names evolved to lamer names). It also sounds like this reindeer is a linebacker setting up in a cover 1 align and planning to run at the quarterback. Although I guess it could also be a German tank, which would be all depressing like the whole Rudolph thing again. I don't get all these Germanic names. Shouldn't they have Inuit names instead or something?
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