Ed Ranks Food on Red Dwarf

Doods, get ready to get OBSCURE to the MAXXX!


Red Dwarf is a British science fiction comedy franchise that has existed since 1988, and has (thus far) featured 12 seasons.  It's about the survivors on a Jupiter Mining Corporation ship called (not surprisingly) "Red Dwarf," namely: a curry-eating space hobo, Lister; his dead hologram roommate, Rimmer; a humanoid creature that evolved from a cat named Cat; the robot, Kryten; and sometimes a computer named Holly, and/or navigation officer, Kochanski.  But nothing of anything which I mentioned above really matters for this listicle. Well, except for the bit about curry-eating.

13. Space Weevil - One time, all of the Starbug's (a shuttle craft on the Red Dwarf that became the primary setting for the series for a number of years, presumably because it was a smaller set and thus allowed for a cheaper show budget) corn supply was depleted when a space weevil got in and ate all the corn. So Kryten killed the space weevil and served it to Lister, who thought it was a king prawn. Ugh, I'm not eating a damn space weevil even if it tastes prawn. Gross.

12. Mimian Bladder Fish - Also no. Bladder fish? I wouldn't even lie about eating this to get out of having to tell someone I was going to a droid brothel.

11. Pot Noodle - I hate pot noodle. I hate all instant ramen and instant soup things. They are so gross. These are disgusting. They are Lister's least favorite food. Lister is a sensible person (in this regard).

10. Shami Kebab Diablo - This dish is described as being indigestible and like molten lava, and was responsible for sending Lister's old best friend, Olaf, to the sick bay after eating it. This is just too spicy, people.

9. Titan Mushrooms - I guess this is less a "food" and more of a psychedelic drug. You should probably avoid these or else you'll probably wind up imagining that everyone around you is an armed and dangerous giraffe.

8. (Warm) Gazpacho Soup - Gazpacho can be a delicious, refreshing soup on a summer day. Alas, low-ranking Second Technician Arnold Rimmer was not aware of that. And so when he was invited by Captain Hollister to the Officer's Club to hob-nob with senior ranking crew members in the hopes of impressing and getting a promotion - he was surprised when his soup came out cold. So he sent it back for them to warm up. And so everyone laughed him and mocked him for eating his piping-hot gazpacho soup. Man, that's embarrassing. Don't ask for your gazpacho soup warm, people.

7. Trout a la Creme - Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal. Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal. Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal. Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal. Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal. Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal.

6. Krispies - Krispies were a cereal mentioned a few times. I guess cereal is usually pretty tasty, huh?

5. Sugar Puff Sandwiches - Another cereal, but this time put between bread and eaten in sandwich form. Why not? I'll try it.

4. Curry - This is the default food for Lister on the show. He eats curry all the time. I mean I like curry too. It's great. But every meal? I don't know about all that.  Another trouble with curry on the show... well... one time the Red Dwarf Crew tried to turn a Mutton Vindaloo into a Chicken Vindaloo and accidentally created a Mutton Vindaloo Beast that wanted to kill them. Oops.

3. Beer Milkshake - The show claims that Lister "invented" the beer milkshake, which seems crazy to me since it's set in the distant future when space travel is possible. I'm pretty sure the beer milkshake exists and even existed when the show first aired. Although I guess all the residents of the spaceship died in the very first episode and Lister had to restart society. So maybe he had to "re-invent" things like this, independently.  ANYWAY, it sounds delicious, right?

2. Kipper - From what I understand, these might be very good smoked and consumed for breakfast.

1. Triple Fried Egg Chili Chutney Sandwich - This is a creation by Lister that is made from chili sauce, chutney, fried eggs and bread. It's described as, "like a cross between food and bowel surgery," and it's also apparently delicious even though all the ingredients were "wrong."  The sandwich has reached mythic status among fans who have tried to recreate it. Alas, there is no simple recipe. The "triple fried" egg would, presumably, refer to three eggs. But visually the sandwich was represented on the screen as having three slices of bread. So are there three eggs and three slices of bread or did the triple only refer to the slices of bread? If a sandwich had three slices of bread, presumably it would only have two eggs - one between the top and middle bread slice, and one between the middle and bottom slice. Although some say it must be three since they say three, which would mean the layers have different numbers of eggs (which seems odd). Then there are others who say to put four on it - two eggs between each part of the sandwich. I do not recommend that anyone eat four eggs on a sandwich unless they want to instantly have a heart attack. And let's not get started on which chili sauce or which type of chutney should be used. But the mere fact that I've talked about this for so long means that I'll just make it #1.