Happy January 8! Do you know what January 8 means?
If you guessed "the 93rd anniversary of Crown Prince Nguyễn Phúc Vĩnh Thuỵ's ascession to the throne of Vietnam" then you are... uh... well... I guess you're right. But that's not what I was going for. What I was going for is "today is the day you've probably broken every single last one of your New Years Resolutions."
Yeah, that didn't last long. It never does. Which is why I never make resolutions. Hey, don't beat yourself up. A whole week and one day is pretty good!
I've taken a list of the Top 10 "most common" New Years resolutions (from last year, but whatever... they are generally always the same) and I've ranked them in order of how good of a resolution they are.
10. Make New Friends - Gross. Get MORE friends? Interact with MORE human beings? No thank you. Unless making friends with doggos counts.
9. Get a New Job - The grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? I'm sorry to break this to you if you're in a miserable job - the next job will be miserable too. Unless your job is a some guy who tests beers to make sure they taste okay. But even then... you might still be screwed because you'll probably be hired by Budweiser.
8. Save More Money - What good is money if you don't spend it? There is a good chance you could be hit by a bus tomorrow, so you might as well spend it all now.
7. Take Up a New Hobby - I always hate it when you're asked the question "What are your hobbies?" Hobbies seem stupid to me. My hobbies are 1) watching TV and 2) writing terrible blogs that I never do spellchecking or copy-editing on. Why bother having a third hobby?
6. Eat Healthier - This can also be written as, "enjoy life less."
5. Read More - Knowledge is power, and I agree that most people probably do need to read more. Still, depdning on what you read this could go in the wrong direction. Classic literature? A good idea to read more of that. The article links that your racist uncles post on Facebook? Not so much.
4. Exercise More / Lose Weight - Yeah, sure. I guess this is a good idea. But wouldn't a much better resolution be "become a scientist that figures out a way to create a pill that makes you lose weight, and oh yeah, the pill tastes like delicious bacon."
3. Learn a New Skill - This is super broad, so I guess it can be good. It's sort of close to the "new hobby" one as well, but at least the word "skill" implies what you're going to do has some value or use. I'll rank this one high because it's potential for good. But this one can go wrong too if your skill is something worthless like any mathematics other than tipping math (you will never use any of it in your life. Sorry).
2. Focus More on Self Care - In principle the concept of taking better care of yourself sounds good. Do stuff like sleep more, quit smoking, and stop injecting heroin into your veins. This is all good, right? Sure it is! But I think that this one probably also includes stuff like "Drink Less," which is a non-starter for me.
1. Nah, I Don't Do New Years Resolutions - That's right, New Years resolutions are so worthless, that even within the list of New Years Resolutions that I used as my source, 32% of respondents answered with a simple "No." Presumably they then punched the person who surveyed them in their face. These are my people. I welcome you to 2019.
If you guessed "the 93rd anniversary of Crown Prince Nguyễn Phúc Vĩnh Thuỵ's ascession to the throne of Vietnam" then you are... uh... well... I guess you're right. But that's not what I was going for. What I was going for is "today is the day you've probably broken every single last one of your New Years Resolutions."
Yeah, that didn't last long. It never does. Which is why I never make resolutions. Hey, don't beat yourself up. A whole week and one day is pretty good!
I've taken a list of the Top 10 "most common" New Years resolutions (from last year, but whatever... they are generally always the same) and I've ranked them in order of how good of a resolution they are.
10. Make New Friends - Gross. Get MORE friends? Interact with MORE human beings? No thank you. Unless making friends with doggos counts.
9. Get a New Job - The grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? I'm sorry to break this to you if you're in a miserable job - the next job will be miserable too. Unless your job is a some guy who tests beers to make sure they taste okay. But even then... you might still be screwed because you'll probably be hired by Budweiser.
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| This is how I visually represent "Save More Money." |
7. Take Up a New Hobby - I always hate it when you're asked the question "What are your hobbies?" Hobbies seem stupid to me. My hobbies are 1) watching TV and 2) writing terrible blogs that I never do spellchecking or copy-editing on. Why bother having a third hobby?
6. Eat Healthier - This can also be written as, "enjoy life less."
5. Read More - Knowledge is power, and I agree that most people probably do need to read more. Still, depdning on what you read this could go in the wrong direction. Classic literature? A good idea to read more of that. The article links that your racist uncles post on Facebook? Not so much.
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| Not pictured: Bacon pills. |
3. Learn a New Skill - This is super broad, so I guess it can be good. It's sort of close to the "new hobby" one as well, but at least the word "skill" implies what you're going to do has some value or use. I'll rank this one high because it's potential for good. But this one can go wrong too if your skill is something worthless like any mathematics other than tipping math (you will never use any of it in your life. Sorry).
2. Focus More on Self Care - In principle the concept of taking better care of yourself sounds good. Do stuff like sleep more, quit smoking, and stop injecting heroin into your veins. This is all good, right? Sure it is! But I think that this one probably also includes stuff like "Drink Less," which is a non-starter for me.
1. Nah, I Don't Do New Years Resolutions - That's right, New Years resolutions are so worthless, that even within the list of New Years Resolutions that I used as my source, 32% of respondents answered with a simple "No." Presumably they then punched the person who surveyed them in their face. These are my people. I welcome you to 2019.
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