Ed Ranks Sitcom Archtypes

Sitcom characters! They sort of fit into predictable, cookie-cutter patterns, don't they? Yes! In ways, Ed! While surely you can probably think of some characters that don't fit into any of these specific "cookie cutters," (just like there are some characters who hold aspects of multiple of them), as a general rule of thumb... you'll probably see some combination of these nine character cliches show up on your favorite sitcom.

9. The Sage

This character is almost never the main character, and is probably not even in the “main” star cast for the show that gets on the opening credits.  This will typically be a bit or recurring player on the show. A sage, wise person (usually older) who can instill important advice to these youngin’s when needed. Back in old black and white sitcoms, this character could be the dad. But nowadays dads on sitcoms are pretty much always a Dumbass Dad, a subset of The Goofball.

• Examples: Wilson on Home Improvement, Mr. Feeney on Boy Meets World, Ward Cleaver in Leave It to Beaver. 

8. The Jerk

Yes, this person is a jerk. Sometimes they are also called “The Bully.” Yet despite this name, they can often be a lovable, redeemable jerk. A “jerk with a heart of gold,” if you will. They can be mean, abusive, intolerant… but in the end they stick up for their friends. Sometimes. Because, yeah, sometimes they are just an unlikable jerk.

• Examples: Frank on Everybody Loves Raymond, Jackie on That 70’s Show, Lou Grant on Mary Tyler Moore, Sort of Every Supporting Charter on Seinfeld. 

7. The Charmer

Cli... wait for it... ché!

This character fancies themselves as a bit of an Adonis / Casanova / Siren who can get any man or woman they want. Often the huge ego of this playboy or playgirl backs up an empty, dead core or someone who just wants to be loved. But sometimes they are just an egotistical dick. This person doesn’t always have to be smug though. Yet when they’re not, the character still is generally known for having a very active sex life (or at least claiming to). The character can be funny, but can also frequently risk being an underdeveloped, one-note character.

• Examples: Barney on How I Met Your Mother, Charlie on Two and a Half Men, Roz on Frasier, Quinn on Daria.

6. The Pole Up the Ass

AKA “The Stick.” Uptight. Stuffy. Don’t appreciate any sort of humor or nonsense. They don’t roll their eyes and smile. They just roll their eyes in annoyance at everyone else.  The Square might be bland and not funny his or her self, but at least The Square enjoys the antics of their funny companions.  The Pole Up the Ass does NOT enjoy any of it and who the hell even knows why they are sticking around with all these people they hate. At the very least, even if they’re not smug they’re known for having a very active sex life.

• Examples: Felix on The Odd Couple, Niles on Frasier (although Frasier himself was the Pole Up the Ass on Cheers), Flanders on The Simpsons, Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. 

5. The Dork

You know this character. The very typical stereotype of a nerd/geek. They don’t 100% of the time have thick glasses with tape around them, but that’s a pretty good bet. Sometimes the Geek is a bit more subtlety done and this character is simply more often the “loser” or the “butt of jokes.” And sometimes they write an entire unfunny show where every character is a dork that somehow stayed on for a million years. You know what I'm talking about. BAZINGA! Got you, assholes.

• Examples: Urkel on Family Matters, Milhouse on The Simpsons, J.D. on Scrubs, Fez on That 70’s Show (I guess, sometimes).

4. The Square

Just pretend Spider-Man 3 never happened.

Typically the central protagonist and “straight man” of the show. He or she is your everyday man/woman. Although this character might not be funny in itself, his or her exasperated interaction with the rest of the wacky cast draws almost all of the humor in the show.

• Examples: Eric on That 70’s Show, Monica on Friends, Alice on Alice, Will on Will & Grace, Dr. Frasier Crane on Frasier (but not on Cheers).

3. The Goofball

Ah, the goofball! This one can range from someone who is just a “ditz” to someone who is constantly bumbling around, or someone who is hyper or crazy. Sometimes they’re the same character as The Wisecracker, but often they’re different (the Wisecracker says funny things and can be witty or sardonic, while the Goofball has more of a funny personality). This character can also just be a straight-up dumbass moron. Quite often, when this character is a complete dumbass – they can become the main character (especially on cartoons, where idiots make fantastic main characters). “Dumbass Dad” is also a subset of this. So many dumb dads.

• Examples: Both Phoebe and Joey on Friends, Kramer on Seinfeld, Daphne on Frasier, Homer on The Simpsons, Kelso on That 70’s Show.

2. The Wisecracker

This guy (it’s usually a guy, let’s be honest) loves to make the hi-larious jokey jokes all the time. Sometimes they can be super goofy, and other times they play it a little more deadpan. Sometimes sarcastic. Sometimes punny. If the main character of the show isn’t The Square, there is a good chance that they are The Wisecracker.

• Examples: Jerry on Seinfeld, Chandler on Friends, Bart on The Simpsons, Dorothy on Golden Girls, Norm on Cheers, Hawkeye on MASH.

1. The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young

Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Ah, who doesn’t love the Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young? This character is almost always disguising themselves as a cheery, happy-go-lucky family member, roommate, co-worker, or friend on a sitcom when in reality they are Shub-Niggurath, the All-Mother and wife of the Not-to-Be-Named-One. Is she a Great Old One? Is she an Outer God? Nobody can say for sure. Whenever the main character comes back from seeing Irem, the City of Pillars in the Crimson Desert, you just KNOW that  Shub-Niggurath enchanted them into worshiping at her accursed, Stygian shrine. While Shub-Niggurath might seem frightening at first, she remains ready to take sides with mankind against the more malevolent, faceless ancients who wish to devour man. The best part about her is that she always stays in human form and never reveals to the audience—ever—that she is indeed the frightening Mother Goddess, an ominous cloud of unspeakable necrotic suffering, who terrorizes throughout the various obsidian universes of space-time. Iääääääää!!!

• Examples: Ross on Friends, Sophia on The Golden Girls, Carlton Banks on The Fresh Prince.