Ed Ranks Hardboiled Private Detectives - Part 2

The fun continues with the top five private dicks. Which is also the exact words from a text that Anthony Weiner just sent to an underage girl.

5.  Lew Archer
Author: Ross Macdonald

A Southern California private detective in the Marlowe-mold (some could say a copycat), Lew Archer would wind up appearing in 18 novels and 9 short stories between 1949 and 1976. Some try to point out some differences between the two - including the fact that Archer mainly worked the suburbs rather than downtown Los Angeles, and that Archer stories are less about Archer himself and more about using Archer as a "lens to see other characters," whatever that means.  Anyway, I won't hold it against Archer that he's somewhat of a repeat of Marlowe, given that Marlowe is completely awesome. I mean Rick Deckard and any rough-around-the-edges private dick made after 1939 is a Marlowe copycat too.  Archer's background and personal life are rarely mentioned in the stories, and a lot of the stories often take on elements of philosophy and Greek tragedy as themes. This happened more-so as the novels went on - with Macdonald slowly leaving the hardboiled genre to explore themes with more psychological depth, interladen with poetic imagery. Which I guess is fine, so long as Archer remains a sleep-deprived alcoholic constantly tormented by the tragic world around him.

From the Same Author: Archer is Macdonald's most notable character, although maybe you can find an early obscure short story or two about a detective named Joe Rogers, who is usually just re-written by editors in anthologies to be Lew Archer.

4. J.J. "Jake" Gittes
Screenwriter: Robert Towne

"So wait m'am. Is she your sister or daughter?"

The only entry on this list with a purely film origin rather than coming from a novel, it's actually this character that caused me to finally accept that I should rank characters that come from a later period. Created in Robert Towne's screenplay for the 1974 film Chinatown, Jake Gittes is as hardboiled as you can get - a down and dirty private detective who gets involved in a web of affairs, false identities, murder, deceit, incest, thugs and political intrigue. So many things in Chinatown are checklist hardboiled detective items (take up a case for a client only learn they are an imposter, have sex with the femme fatale, gunfights, a bittersweet end) that it would be impossible not to rank Gittes on this list. Every quality that a great noir film detective has is shared by Gittes in this story - with the benefit of coming after the end of the Hayes Act, which had restricted a number of the noir films from being too violent or touching upon "indecent" themes. That last point is crucial, as Chinatown is actually a better film for coming out when it did rather than in the highly censored 1940s. Plus Chinatown's cynicism about politics and behind-the-scenes wheel-dealing on water rights is something strengthened in its immediate post-Watergate time of creation, despite being a 1939 period piece.

From the Same Author: Robert Towne would very much like for you to pretend The Two Jakes never happened. Towne is also a famous Hollywood script doctor, and had an uncredited role in rewriting parts of the script to The Godfather.

3.  Mike Hammer 
Author: Mickey Spillane

Mike Hammer almost feels like he's a post-hardboiled era callback looking to the earlier detectives for inspiration, in the way that Deckard and Gittes are inspired by the original era of hardboiled detectives. But then you look into it and remember that Mickey Spillane lived 88 years, started writing at a young age, and his first Mike Hammer story is actually from the 1940s - putting his creation well within the era that Chandler and Macdonald were popping out their stuff. I guess I only think of Mike Hammer as being latter because I can only think of Mike Hammer being Stacy Keach. The Mike Hammer novels were criticized for being excessively violent, derogatory to women, and presenting black-and-white moral situations lacking nuance. You know who else wasn't a huge fan of Mike Hammer? Carroll John Daly, creator of Race Williams, who believed that Hammer was more than slightly inspired by the archtype he created. Daly said of Mickey Spillane, "I'm broke, and this guy gets rich writing about my detective."

From the Same Author: Tiger Mann, another character by Spillane, is sort of like Hammer but also sort of a spy and/or hitman paid by an insane radical right-wing organization which wants to kill dirty commies. This really shouldn't be that surprising since Ayn Rand was a fan of his work. 

2. Sam Spade
Author: Dashiell Hammett

Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one.

Now we're really in the big league of hardboiled dicks (which sounds like some kind of gross English food). Sam Spade - the legendary brainchild of Dashiell Hammett and main character of the 1930 novel The Maltese Falcon and three other short stories that followed. Hammett had been writing detective stories for years, but mixed it up to create a hard, shifty, detached detective who combines keen detective skills with a willingness and physical capability to deal with any rough situation involving rough people. Race Williams was "hard" before Sam Spade was created, but Sam Spade also had actual detecting skills and a personality. It was the perfect balance of characters to create the archetype that others would copy. The novel was an instant hit and was adapted for film. You know that one with Humphrey Bogart, right? That's actually the THIRD adaption of The Maltese Falcon, with two other versions in the 30's predating it. But in the end, the 1941 adaption with Bogart would cement its legacy for all time and also turn the volume up to 11 on Spade's sarcastic nature. And that sardonic world view was just what hardboiled detectives needed. Bogart was the perfect casting for a hardboiled detective. Any hardboiled detective. As I'll soon confirm...

From the Same Author: Before Spade, Hammet had a number of stories with "The Continental Op," an unnamed detective (e.g. Red Harvest). He also had detective adventures with the husband and wife team of Nick and Nora Charles (e.g. The Thin Man).

1. Philip Marlowe
Author:  Raymond Chandler

Oh hey look, it's Bogart again!

So, Philip Marlowe is the best. He just is. He's a hard-drinking, wise-cracking badass who occasionally winds up having to punch his way out of situations or place bullets inside of people. That being said, he also has an introspective side which we can see since we're able to get in his head. He's contemplative, philosophical and is frequently back in his office playing chess problems. And while he can punch his way out of situations when needed, he often also finds himself getting knocked out or drugged when he goes that route - thus he usually tries to solve crimes by detecting and stuff. He always runs into femme fetales in his office, coming to him with problems and flirting with him. But unlike other private dicks who immediately bang all the seedy ladies that come to him - Marlowe doesn't actually sleep with anyone until the later novels. He might like what he sees as he sips his bourbon and talks to a seedy lady with a problem, but he always keeps his wits about him and never gets fooled by their games. Unlike other characters who are undeveloped, Marlowe has a detailed backstory that's revealed including a past life in the D.A.'s office (which he was fired from, for subordination... of course). Marlowe hits all the character notes just right and perfectly balances the serious with the funny, the cynicism with a real desire for justice, and the physical with the cerebral. When it came time to cast him in the film adaption of The Big Sleep, they obviously chose Humphrey Bogart.

From the Same Author: Chandler was a prolific short story writer and appeared in all of the pulp magazines that the others mentioned here did. Some of his early works featured characters named Carmady and John Dalmas that are basically Marlowe, and are sometimes rewritten to be Marlowe when republished.