There are some films out there that whenever you see them on TV you're like, "Wow, I can't believe I don't own this! I should buy it!" But then you realize that you have cable TV and that that movie is pretty much on at least once a week somewhere anyway. These are those movies. Chances are if you're bored you can flip through the channels and find any one of these.
Quick note: I'm discounting Holiday movies. Sure, when It's a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story are on it might seem like you're stuck in an endless loop like Sisyphus pushing that boulder up the hill - but there is an end to the loop. The loop starts on Thanksgiving and ends on Christmas. I'm talking about the films that you can really see any time of the year.
Another note: These aren't ranked by how good the movie is. They're ranked by how often I feel they're on TV. As you'll see from the list, there are quite a number of average to terrible movies which get run all the time for no particular reason.
15. The Usual Suspects - Great twist ending, right? Which makes it really good the first time you watch it. Beyond that, I'm not sure you need to watch it 100 times. The powers that be behind cable disagree with that sentiment. I guess they assume one new person might be seeing it every time.
14. Ferris Bueller's Day Off - These seems like a fun 80's film you should have a copy of on the DVD rack somewhere, right? Wrong. You don't. If you feel like you've watched it enough that you must have a copy that you can't find - don't be distressed. You never owned it. It's just on TV that much.
13. The Dark Knight - Other than the whole annoying "he wanted to get caught!!!!!!!" plot device (groan), this is a great film and still the best Batman film. I have an old copy of it on my DVD/Blu Ray shelf - but why? Do you know how often I take it out of the box? Never. And yet I still see it three times a year.
12. The Avengers - Same as the above. Comic book movies are a thing now and these are the two biggest comic book movies. Whenever a new Marvel sequel is coming out (two or three times a year), you can rest assure that there will be some Marvel movie marathons on the TV and you'll get to see The Avengers and all those other films (Iron Man, Thor, etc) a bajillion times.
11. National Treasure II: Book of Secrets - I didn't say that this list was about "good" movies. Horrible movies can be run all the time too. Why specifically National Treasure II rather than the first National Treasure? It's ALWAYS the worse sequel with President Bruce Greenwood being kidnapped at Mount Vernon, the Mimi Statue of Liberty in Paris, the secret book in the Library of Congress, and the terrible British accent in the Buckingham Palace scene. Why do I know so much about this terrible film? Why don't I just turn the channel when this train wreck is on? I'll tell you why - because if I change the channel it will probably just be on the next channel anyway.
10. The Green Mile - Nothing like a cheery supernatural story about a death row corrections officer being involved in the execution of an innocent man during the Great Depression to brighten the day. It's the feel-good movie of the year so no wonder they run it all the time.
9. You've Got Mail - I could have easily written "Sleepless in Seattle" here instead. Basically the same film. Same actors. Kinda the same love story. Same endless broadcast like those loops on the airplane screens.
8. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - Nerds all own the DVDs to these films even though they don't need to.
7. Mrs. Doubtfire - Variety magazine said this was the most played movie on TV a few years ago. I'm not sure that's still true, but it is on all the time. I'm sure Aerosmith gets more residuals for "Dude Looks Like a Lady" from this film than they do from Permanent Vacation. Pierce Brosnan wishes his James Bond movies could still get TV play like his douchey Stu character gets TV play in this film. Although in fairness I guess that horrible Die Another Day film is on all the time with that gawdawful ice windsurfing and invisible car stuff.
6. U.S. Marshals - This one is a complete mystery to me like National Treasure II. U.S. Marshals is just a quasi-memorable sequel to the much better The Fugitive, minus Harrison Ford. It continues the story of Tommy Lee Jones and adds on Wesley Snipes and Robert Downey Jr. (in his hilariously alcoholic era of life). Why the hell does this come on ALL THE TIME? It's literally on the TV now as I'm writing this.
5. Jurassic Park - This movie, uhhhhhhh, finds a way. A way to always be on. Deservedly so. Its computer graphics from 1993 still hold up better than these all CG movies that come out today. Plus, that big dino poop scene, haha! The awful Jurassic Park III also seems to be on all the time too, for no particular reason.
4. Gladiator - I am probably the only human being on earth who cheers for Joaquin Phoenix every time this film comes on. Which is frequently. Every single time I hope that maybe this time is the time that Commodus will get his sweet, well-deserved victory. Alas, he gets stabbed in the throat like a bitch every time and his body just gets left there on the coliseum floor. What a bunch of bitch-ass traitors all his citizens are. Are we supposed to believe they'll now be free and happy with him gone? Not so much. The death of Commodus was immediately followed by the Year of Five Emperors, an insanely destabilizing period of civil war in Roman history. Thanks for that, Maximus... you asshole.
3. The Hunt for Red October - This is an amazing film and everybody is in it. There are the people you immediately remember: Sean Connery, Alec Baldwin, James Earl Jones, Sam Neill, and Tim Curry. But then you keep watching and you're like, "Holy shit! That Commander guy is Scott Glenn, I forgot that. WHOA FUCK! Is that Stellan Fucking Skarsgård?! How did I not remember that he wa--ooooooh WHAT THE HELL, Principal Rooney from Ferris Bueller's Day Off?! Senator Fred Thompson?! And the Black guy from Law and Order: Criminal Intent whose name I don't remember right now too?! The boss guy from Spooks/MI5?!" Yes, all of those people are in this. This film probably should be on all the time. And by the way, the Black guy's name is Courtney B. Vance, since you brought it up.
2. A Few Good Men - I had a co-worker who could recite the entire Jack Nicholson Col. Jessup outburst at the end of the film. I'm not just saying he could recite the "You Can't Handle the Truth!" bit that everyone can recite. I mean the WHOLE thing. All of it. It goes on for like two minutes. He can do the "Son, we live in a world that has walls" part. He can do the "You want me on that wall, you need me on that wall" part. He can do the "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide" part. Front to end. At first I thought my co-worker was just some type of savant and huge movie quote fan. Actually, he probably is. But the truth is that I just watched that video and my wife was mouthing along to the vast majority of the lines too. A lot of people can probably recite this thing. They run this film so much I can see how it got imprinted into all of their brains. You don't have to click that link to watch the video though. Just click through your remote. It's probably on.
1. The Shawshank Redemption - It's an amazing film. Maybe the greatest film of all time. I'm sure that can be argued, but that's not the point of this ranking. But does anyone actually own a copy of this film? Usually people do own copies of great films. I've never even THOUGHT about buying a copy though. Right now there is a channel, probably with "Turner" in the name somewhere, that is running it. TNT probably should just rename itself "Shawshank Network." The Wall Street Journal wrote an article a few years ago about how much this airs on TV. The answer is a lot. I've probably seen Andy Dufresne crawl out that sewage pipe, the warden tear the poster off the wall, Brooks hang himself, and Red find the money under the tree a thousand times. Every single one of those thousand times it was on basic cable.
Quick note: I'm discounting Holiday movies. Sure, when It's a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story are on it might seem like you're stuck in an endless loop like Sisyphus pushing that boulder up the hill - but there is an end to the loop. The loop starts on Thanksgiving and ends on Christmas. I'm talking about the films that you can really see any time of the year.
Another note: These aren't ranked by how good the movie is. They're ranked by how often I feel they're on TV. As you'll see from the list, there are quite a number of average to terrible movies which get run all the time for no particular reason.
15. The Usual Suspects - Great twist ending, right? Which makes it really good the first time you watch it. Beyond that, I'm not sure you need to watch it 100 times. The powers that be behind cable disagree with that sentiment. I guess they assume one new person might be seeing it every time.
14. Ferris Bueller's Day Off - These seems like a fun 80's film you should have a copy of on the DVD rack somewhere, right? Wrong. You don't. If you feel like you've watched it enough that you must have a copy that you can't find - don't be distressed. You never owned it. It's just on TV that much.
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| Not the movie you want to see. The movie you need to see. |
12. The Avengers - Same as the above. Comic book movies are a thing now and these are the two biggest comic book movies. Whenever a new Marvel sequel is coming out (two or three times a year), you can rest assure that there will be some Marvel movie marathons on the TV and you'll get to see The Avengers and all those other films (Iron Man, Thor, etc) a bajillion times.
11. National Treasure II: Book of Secrets - I didn't say that this list was about "good" movies. Horrible movies can be run all the time too. Why specifically National Treasure II rather than the first National Treasure? It's ALWAYS the worse sequel with President Bruce Greenwood being kidnapped at Mount Vernon, the Mimi Statue of Liberty in Paris, the secret book in the Library of Congress, and the terrible British accent in the Buckingham Palace scene. Why do I know so much about this terrible film? Why don't I just turn the channel when this train wreck is on? I'll tell you why - because if I change the channel it will probably just be on the next channel anyway.
10. The Green Mile - Nothing like a cheery supernatural story about a death row corrections officer being involved in the execution of an innocent man during the Great Depression to brighten the day. It's the feel-good movie of the year so no wonder they run it all the time.
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| There was a time we thought Borders was an invincible cash giant. Ha. |
8. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - Nerds all own the DVDs to these films even though they don't need to.
7. Mrs. Doubtfire - Variety magazine said this was the most played movie on TV a few years ago. I'm not sure that's still true, but it is on all the time. I'm sure Aerosmith gets more residuals for "Dude Looks Like a Lady" from this film than they do from Permanent Vacation. Pierce Brosnan wishes his James Bond movies could still get TV play like his douchey Stu character gets TV play in this film. Although in fairness I guess that horrible Die Another Day film is on all the time with that gawdawful ice windsurfing and invisible car stuff.
6. U.S. Marshals - This one is a complete mystery to me like National Treasure II. U.S. Marshals is just a quasi-memorable sequel to the much better The Fugitive, minus Harrison Ford. It continues the story of Tommy Lee Jones and adds on Wesley Snipes and Robert Downey Jr. (in his hilariously alcoholic era of life). Why the hell does this come on ALL THE TIME? It's literally on the TV now as I'm writing this.
5. Jurassic Park - This movie, uhhhhhhh, finds a way. A way to always be on. Deservedly so. Its computer graphics from 1993 still hold up better than these all CG movies that come out today. Plus, that big dino poop scene, haha! The awful Jurassic Park III also seems to be on all the time too, for no particular reason.
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| Pictured: The film's villain. |
3. The Hunt for Red October - This is an amazing film and everybody is in it. There are the people you immediately remember: Sean Connery, Alec Baldwin, James Earl Jones, Sam Neill, and Tim Curry. But then you keep watching and you're like, "Holy shit! That Commander guy is Scott Glenn, I forgot that. WHOA FUCK! Is that Stellan Fucking Skarsgård?! How did I not remember that he wa--ooooooh WHAT THE HELL, Principal Rooney from Ferris Bueller's Day Off?! Senator Fred Thompson?! And the Black guy from Law and Order: Criminal Intent whose name I don't remember right now too?! The boss guy from Spooks/MI5?!" Yes, all of those people are in this. This film probably should be on all the time. And by the way, the Black guy's name is Courtney B. Vance, since you brought it up.
2. A Few Good Men - I had a co-worker who could recite the entire Jack Nicholson Col. Jessup outburst at the end of the film. I'm not just saying he could recite the "You Can't Handle the Truth!" bit that everyone can recite. I mean the WHOLE thing. All of it. It goes on for like two minutes. He can do the "Son, we live in a world that has walls" part. He can do the "You want me on that wall, you need me on that wall" part. He can do the "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide" part. Front to end. At first I thought my co-worker was just some type of savant and huge movie quote fan. Actually, he probably is. But the truth is that I just watched that video and my wife was mouthing along to the vast majority of the lines too. A lot of people can probably recite this thing. They run this film so much I can see how it got imprinted into all of their brains. You don't have to click that link to watch the video though. Just click through your remote. It's probably on.
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| No witty caption. Just a good film. |
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