Ed Ranks 10 things to do in Madrid, Iowa

Even its signage font is boring Arial.

So,  you purchased a really cheap vacation ticket to Madrid - only to find out later that you stupidly booked it for Madrid, Iowa instead of the one in Spain. Mistakes happen, and it's best not to dwell on them. I'm sure you could find ten things to do to pass the time.

10. Go to Madrid High School - Just for a minute. Then when you hang out with people years later you can be like, "Oh yeah, I went to high school in Madrid" to impress everyone. Technically you won't be lying. 

9. Enjoy the Daily Specials at Town & Country Cafe - Make sure to check out their Facebook Page  to see what the daily specials are, since they change every week. Boy I sure hope the meatloaf is on special soon!

8. Wait Until 2083 to See the Contents of the Madrid Centennial Time Capsule - A time capsule was put in the ground in 1983 with orders that it not be dug out for 100 years. What will be in there? Super Bowl XVII memorabilia? A rare, original Kenner Return of the Jedi "Lando Calrissian in Skiff Guard Disguise" action figure still in the box? A Betamax video of Staying Alive? This just might be worth sticking around to figure out.

7. Learn about Coal Mining History - Want to learn about the history of mining in the city, especially as it related to the Carpenter Coal Company (later renamed Scandia) and the Reese Brothers Coal Company?  You can probably ask around. Some old person in town will probably know something.

6. Check out the Iowa Arboretum - All 415 acres of it. Is there a butterfly garden too? You bet your ass there is.

5. Romance a Midwesterner - I mean why not? You're just in town for a few days. It's not like you have to listen to them calling soda "pop" for the rest of your life.You'll be gone soon. Unless you're waiting until 2083 to see the Time Capsule.

4. Meet all 25 ½ Black People - The city has a population of 2543 according to the last census, with 0.1% of the residents being African American. That means, mathematically, there should be 25.43 Black people in town. It doesn't seem like it would be that hard of a task to say hello to all of them.

3. Ride the High Trestle Trail - This 25-mile trail was named after a former 1913 rail bridge which spanned the nearby Des Moines River. The trail follows the route of a former Union Pacific freight line. And while you're biking the trail, you might as well check out the Flat Tire Lounge, a self-described "funky lounge" for bicyclists who like to ride the trail.

2. Go Bowling at Tiger Bowl - Home of the $10 deal. Two games, shoe rental, all you can eat 1-topping pizza for just ten bucks! Every time you come here... it's like a perfect strike.

1. Abuse Opiates - This is pretty much what happens in all of fly-over country.