Want me to rank the reviews of the Cracker Barrel Old Country Store at 845 A Schillinger Rd S in Mobile, Alabama? Of course you do!
For short reviews, I'll just copy and paste the entire review. For the longer ones, I'll summarize.
22. Brentin O (Jan 8, 2012) - ★★★
"Good country style food. Great breakfasts."
Lazy fucking review. Put a little more effort into your Yelp reviews, Brentin. And how does three stars equal "great?"
21. Teddee J (Jan 21, 2011) - ★★★★
"Good for a homestyle meal at a decent price without having to do any home cooking."
Four star review just because you're too lazy to make a meal yourself? Generous.
20. Kaylee P (Oct 4, 2016) - ★★★★★
"I love Cracker Barrel! I've been to this location several times and had a great experience every time. The staff and service are great. The food is good like always!"
The definition of a boring review done by a person who is unironically talking about Cracker Barrel being so good.
19. Kyle R (May 8, 2016) - ★
Kyle says the service is "shit." Watch it Kyle, this is Yelp, not a PG-13 movie.
18. Jeff M (March 23, 2016) - ★
Jeff had to wait for a half our to get a vegetable plate to-go. Wait... people get Cracker Barrel food to go? You reap what you sew, Jeff. Anyone who decides to get a vegetarian meal to-go from CB probably deserves to suffer.
17. Wayne G (Feb 16, 2012) - ★★★★
Wayne loves CB, but wishes it was "smoke-free." Huh... you can still smoke inside restaurants? Oh wait... it's the South. You're probably required to smoke.
16. Lar S (June 5, 2016) - ★
Overpacked and terrible food. Don't get Hershel's breakfast. It was "uneatable." He says he "literally" couldn't eat the ham. By "literally" I assume he means "figuratively" because he literally probably doesn't know what "literally" means. Lar (not Lars?) also says " It was obviously old tasted Britney and really uneatable." Tasted Britney? What are you talking about, Lar? Are you a cannibal? Be a professional and do some proofreading before you post on the internet, Lar. Nobody likes people who make spelling mitsakes.
15. Vivienne A (July 17, 2016) - ★★★★★
Vivienne really likes the portion sizes. She got ham and it was enough ham for THREE HAM SAMMICHES!!!! Make sure to ask for Renee to be your waitress, because she served Vivienne so well.
14. Kayla S (Oct 20, 2011) - ★★★★★
"The Sunday fried chicken dinner is the best! Wish they had it 7 days a week!"
There you have it, folks. Cracker Barrel's fried chicken is the best. Everyone else can close up shop now.
13. Ken B (August 5, 2011) - ★★★★
Ken, who has a profile picture that looks like a creepy old man, writes a review which is completely based around the fact that he found the manager of this restaurant sexually attractive. Ken will be coming back here again and again to sexually harass this manager, I assume. If he's not already in jail. Or dead from eating Cracker Barrel. This review is from 2011, after all.
12. Jewish J (April 17, 2016) - ★
Jewish J had a terrible time here. He was there for 15 minutes and not a single person came to serve him. He had time to memorize the first two pages of the menu. Just quiz him on it, I bet he can answer. I assume this terrible experience happened because the employees somehow knew his Yelp name and decided to give him the usual Southern hospitality provided to Jewish people.
11. Jewish J (May 30, 2016) - ★★★★★
Jewish J is a flip-flopper. He complained to management and management went "above and beyond" to correct the mishap that happened the last time. No wait... he says "two times" ago. WHAT? He had a terrible experience at Cracker Barrel and then went back TWO MORE TIMES? And I can only imagine how Cracker Barrel made up for the bad experience. Presumably by putting a welcoming burning cross in his yard. Because Alabama is racist. That's what I'm saying here.
10. Nguyen L (May 3, 2015) - ★★★★
Nguyen isn't crazy enough to leave a Five Star Review. Four Stars is plenty. While Nguyen likes the consistency of Cracker Barrels across the country, surely this Mobile, AL one will never live up to his local CB (which is what the hip kids call it) in Hattiesburg, MS.
9. Arnold L (Aug 6, 2017) - ★★★★★
Arnold L loves how hot and tasty the food is, but especially loves the portion sizes. Why a five star review though? Oh, Arnold L wouldn't give out five starts to just any restaurant. The real reason for this raving review is not the food but the service! While the rest of the restaurant industry is collapsing because of shitty service, Arnold L assures you that this Cracker Barrel in Mobile, Alabama is the exception to the rule. If Arnold L has any problem with this Cracker Barrel - it's not in the restaurant side, but the store. He just wishes they could sell things that were useful rather than cheap, worthless junk. I beg to differ, Arnold L. A robot parrot that records when you speak and plays it back in a higher pitch doesn't sound "worthless" to me.
8. Arnold L (Sept 4, 2016) - ★
Arnold L needs to make up his mind over whether he loves or hates this place. This earlier time his food was cold and his service was poor. Arnold L actually left three different reviews for this Cracker Barrel at different points in time. Two of them were essentially the same review though because he was updating and old review (and did not like the fact that the updated review left the old review date - so he copy and pasted the same review and did it again with minor changes to get the date he wanted). What kind of person leaves THREE reviews for the same Cracker Barrel?
7. Jamie A (Feb 16, 2017) - ★★★★★
Quite frankly I think Jamie is fucking with us, because she says "they also offer a lot of lighter options for when you're trying to feel healthy." Yes, I'm sure that's where people go when they want a nice, healthy, light meal. Cracker Barrel.
6. PeaJay H (Nov 28, 2013) - ★★★★★
PeaJay is not a Mobile native - but is actually from Nevada and had been "waiting three years" to go to this Cracker Barrel. Given the five star review he was obviously not disappointed. He also went to this Cracker Barrel ON THANKSGIVING DAY. That's right. PeaJay waited three years to go to a Cracker Barrel on Thanksgiving and left a five star review.
PeaJay, man... I feel like you need to expand your horizons. You need to see and experience more of the world. I feel like PeaJay might be the kind of person who cried himself to sleep when Bennigans went out of business.
5. Amanda E (Dec 5, 2016) - ★★★★
"If you want a hardy breakfast with lots of side dishes...this is your place! I only come here for breakfast but haven't been disappointed. I usually get scrambled eggs and ask them to add cheese, with some hash browns, cheese grits, and a coffee. I get a coffee and they keep refilling it until I"
...And then the review cuts off with that incomplete sentence. OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY AMANDA E? I think she was just kidnapped without completing her thought. I give this review a high ranking because it's so mysterious. RIP Amanda. ???-2016.
4. caree c (Dec 10, 2010) - ★★
caree (lowercase) says that Cracker Barrel is hit-or-miss but you pretty much have to go to it because it's the only option in town for Saturday morning breakfast if you don't want to settle for fast food. This is probably the most accurate review of Cracker Barrel and why it exists ever. Points!
3. Wayne F (Nov 27, 2012) - ★★★★★
Wayne F left a fucking NOVEL as his review. This review goes on forever. He also keeps referring to "Mr. and Mrs. Farmer" in his review, which is also written like a little novel about Mr. and Mrs. Farmer going to Cracker Barrel on Thanksgiving and having a delicious meal. Since Wayne's name is "Wayne F," I assume the "F" stands for "Farmer" and that Wayne is speaking in third person like some sort of crazy person. This entire thing goes into deep detail about Mr. and Mrs. Farmer having a wonderful time and gets nitty gritty about everything. EVERYTHING. Want to know what time Mr. and Mrs. Farmer arrived? 10:50AM. Want to know if they locked the doors to their car after parking? Yes, they did. How do I know? Because locking their doors is part of the review. Want to know if they needed to be put on the waiting list? They did. Want to know every item that was on the Thanksgiving meal? Wayne F will fucking tell you.
This review is written like an intimidation of some folksy Garrison Keillor story, except by the Cracker Barrel marketing department. I'm fairly sure it's totally fake. In other words - it is an awesome review.
2. Eric B (Dec 21, 2013) - ★
"Loyal customer for years. Now that you have picked your side, and do not support The Robertsons, I will no longer support Cracker Barrel. Stupid move...know your customer base. Boycott Cracker Barrel!"
Eric is boycotting this Cracker Barrel because they don't support the cast of Duck Dynasty enough. I guarantee you that Eric B causally uses the N word at least once a day.
1. Eva W (Feb 28, 2017) - ★
"Cracker Barrel management mistreating local seniors and banishing Trump Supporters from returning while reporting to Corporate due to political differences!"
Eva W is convinced that the minimum-wage earning employees at her local Alabama Cracker Barrel are devious liberal agents taking orders straight from, and reporting back to, "the corporation" as part of a malicious plot against her for being a Trump supporter. And when these demons aren't kicking out Trumpers, they're also abusing seniors. Which sounds interesting. I wonder if it's physical abuse.
I guarantee you that Eva W causally uses the N word at least twice a day. Now THIS is a Yelp review, people. Take heed.
For short reviews, I'll just copy and paste the entire review. For the longer ones, I'll summarize.
22. Brentin O (Jan 8, 2012) - ★★★
"Good country style food. Great breakfasts."
Lazy fucking review. Put a little more effort into your Yelp reviews, Brentin. And how does three stars equal "great?"
21. Teddee J (Jan 21, 2011) - ★★★★
"Good for a homestyle meal at a decent price without having to do any home cooking."
Four star review just because you're too lazy to make a meal yourself? Generous.
20. Kaylee P (Oct 4, 2016) - ★★★★★
"I love Cracker Barrel! I've been to this location several times and had a great experience every time. The staff and service are great. The food is good like always!"
The definition of a boring review done by a person who is unironically talking about Cracker Barrel being so good.
19. Kyle R (May 8, 2016) - ★
Kyle says the service is "shit." Watch it Kyle, this is Yelp, not a PG-13 movie.
18. Jeff M (March 23, 2016) - ★
Jeff had to wait for a half our to get a vegetable plate to-go. Wait... people get Cracker Barrel food to go? You reap what you sew, Jeff. Anyone who decides to get a vegetarian meal to-go from CB probably deserves to suffer.
17. Wayne G (Feb 16, 2012) - ★★★★
Wayne loves CB, but wishes it was "smoke-free." Huh... you can still smoke inside restaurants? Oh wait... it's the South. You're probably required to smoke.
16. Lar S (June 5, 2016) - ★
Overpacked and terrible food. Don't get Hershel's breakfast. It was "uneatable." He says he "literally" couldn't eat the ham. By "literally" I assume he means "figuratively" because he literally probably doesn't know what "literally" means. Lar (not Lars?) also says " It was obviously old tasted Britney and really uneatable." Tasted Britney? What are you talking about, Lar? Are you a cannibal? Be a professional and do some proofreading before you post on the internet, Lar. Nobody likes people who make spelling mitsakes.
15. Vivienne A (July 17, 2016) - ★★★★★
Vivienne really likes the portion sizes. She got ham and it was enough ham for THREE HAM SAMMICHES!!!! Make sure to ask for Renee to be your waitress, because she served Vivienne so well.
14. Kayla S (Oct 20, 2011) - ★★★★★
"The Sunday fried chicken dinner is the best! Wish they had it 7 days a week!"
There you have it, folks. Cracker Barrel's fried chicken is the best. Everyone else can close up shop now.
13. Ken B (August 5, 2011) - ★★★★
Ken, who has a profile picture that looks like a creepy old man, writes a review which is completely based around the fact that he found the manager of this restaurant sexually attractive. Ken will be coming back here again and again to sexually harass this manager, I assume. If he's not already in jail. Or dead from eating Cracker Barrel. This review is from 2011, after all.
12. Jewish J (April 17, 2016) - ★
Jewish J had a terrible time here. He was there for 15 minutes and not a single person came to serve him. He had time to memorize the first two pages of the menu. Just quiz him on it, I bet he can answer. I assume this terrible experience happened because the employees somehow knew his Yelp name and decided to give him the usual Southern hospitality provided to Jewish people.
11. Jewish J (May 30, 2016) - ★★★★★
Jewish J is a flip-flopper. He complained to management and management went "above and beyond" to correct the mishap that happened the last time. No wait... he says "two times" ago. WHAT? He had a terrible experience at Cracker Barrel and then went back TWO MORE TIMES? And I can only imagine how Cracker Barrel made up for the bad experience. Presumably by putting a welcoming burning cross in his yard. Because Alabama is racist. That's what I'm saying here.
10. Nguyen L (May 3, 2015) - ★★★★
Nguyen isn't crazy enough to leave a Five Star Review. Four Stars is plenty. While Nguyen likes the consistency of Cracker Barrels across the country, surely this Mobile, AL one will never live up to his local CB (which is what the hip kids call it) in Hattiesburg, MS.
9. Arnold L (Aug 6, 2017) - ★★★★★
Arnold L loves how hot and tasty the food is, but especially loves the portion sizes. Why a five star review though? Oh, Arnold L wouldn't give out five starts to just any restaurant. The real reason for this raving review is not the food but the service! While the rest of the restaurant industry is collapsing because of shitty service, Arnold L assures you that this Cracker Barrel in Mobile, Alabama is the exception to the rule. If Arnold L has any problem with this Cracker Barrel - it's not in the restaurant side, but the store. He just wishes they could sell things that were useful rather than cheap, worthless junk. I beg to differ, Arnold L. A robot parrot that records when you speak and plays it back in a higher pitch doesn't sound "worthless" to me.
8. Arnold L (Sept 4, 2016) - ★
Arnold L needs to make up his mind over whether he loves or hates this place. This earlier time his food was cold and his service was poor. Arnold L actually left three different reviews for this Cracker Barrel at different points in time. Two of them were essentially the same review though because he was updating and old review (and did not like the fact that the updated review left the old review date - so he copy and pasted the same review and did it again with minor changes to get the date he wanted). What kind of person leaves THREE reviews for the same Cracker Barrel?
7. Jamie A (Feb 16, 2017) - ★★★★★
Quite frankly I think Jamie is fucking with us, because she says "they also offer a lot of lighter options for when you're trying to feel healthy." Yes, I'm sure that's where people go when they want a nice, healthy, light meal. Cracker Barrel.
6. PeaJay H (Nov 28, 2013) - ★★★★★
PeaJay is not a Mobile native - but is actually from Nevada and had been "waiting three years" to go to this Cracker Barrel. Given the five star review he was obviously not disappointed. He also went to this Cracker Barrel ON THANKSGIVING DAY. That's right. PeaJay waited three years to go to a Cracker Barrel on Thanksgiving and left a five star review.
PeaJay, man... I feel like you need to expand your horizons. You need to see and experience more of the world. I feel like PeaJay might be the kind of person who cried himself to sleep when Bennigans went out of business.
5. Amanda E (Dec 5, 2016) - ★★★★
"If you want a hardy breakfast with lots of side dishes...this is your place! I only come here for breakfast but haven't been disappointed. I usually get scrambled eggs and ask them to add cheese, with some hash browns, cheese grits, and a coffee. I get a coffee and they keep refilling it until I"
...And then the review cuts off with that incomplete sentence. OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY AMANDA E? I think she was just kidnapped without completing her thought. I give this review a high ranking because it's so mysterious. RIP Amanda. ???-2016.
4. caree c (Dec 10, 2010) - ★★
caree (lowercase) says that Cracker Barrel is hit-or-miss but you pretty much have to go to it because it's the only option in town for Saturday morning breakfast if you don't want to settle for fast food. This is probably the most accurate review of Cracker Barrel and why it exists ever. Points!
3. Wayne F (Nov 27, 2012) - ★★★★★
Wayne F left a fucking NOVEL as his review. This review goes on forever. He also keeps referring to "Mr. and Mrs. Farmer" in his review, which is also written like a little novel about Mr. and Mrs. Farmer going to Cracker Barrel on Thanksgiving and having a delicious meal. Since Wayne's name is "Wayne F," I assume the "F" stands for "Farmer" and that Wayne is speaking in third person like some sort of crazy person. This entire thing goes into deep detail about Mr. and Mrs. Farmer having a wonderful time and gets nitty gritty about everything. EVERYTHING. Want to know what time Mr. and Mrs. Farmer arrived? 10:50AM. Want to know if they locked the doors to their car after parking? Yes, they did. How do I know? Because locking their doors is part of the review. Want to know if they needed to be put on the waiting list? They did. Want to know every item that was on the Thanksgiving meal? Wayne F will fucking tell you.
This review is written like an intimidation of some folksy Garrison Keillor story, except by the Cracker Barrel marketing department. I'm fairly sure it's totally fake. In other words - it is an awesome review.
2. Eric B (Dec 21, 2013) - ★
"Loyal customer for years. Now that you have picked your side, and do not support The Robertsons, I will no longer support Cracker Barrel. Stupid move...know your customer base. Boycott Cracker Barrel!"
Eric is boycotting this Cracker Barrel because they don't support the cast of Duck Dynasty enough. I guarantee you that Eric B causally uses the N word at least once a day.
1. Eva W (Feb 28, 2017) - ★
"Cracker Barrel management mistreating local seniors and banishing Trump Supporters from returning while reporting to Corporate due to political differences!"
Eva W is convinced that the minimum-wage earning employees at her local Alabama Cracker Barrel are devious liberal agents taking orders straight from, and reporting back to, "the corporation" as part of a malicious plot against her for being a Trump supporter. And when these demons aren't kicking out Trumpers, they're also abusing seniors. Which sounds interesting. I wonder if it's physical abuse.
I guarantee you that Eva W causally uses the N word at least twice a day. Now THIS is a Yelp review, people. Take heed.
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