Part III of III.
Okay... this is it, folks. The conclusion of the amazing Clue/Cluedo trilogy. The fantastic murder mystery board game where Mr. Boddy/Dr. Black is murdered by one of six suspects with one of six weapons in one of nine rooms. And where does this grizzly murder take place? Why, in an English country house called Tudor Mansion (sometimes also called Tudor Close, Tudor Hall, Boddy Manor or Boddy Mansion).
Here are the rooms in Tudor Mansion, ranked:
9. Hall - How boring is a hall? I mean really! And I know that in an old mansion a "hall" isn't just like the narrow hallway in your house that leads to bedrooms and stuff. Here, hall is referring to something more like a "great halls" of castles and stuff, that eventually evolved into eating, relaxing and entertainment chambers in 16th and early 17th century manor houses. Still though, you can perform all these types of functions already in the other, much cooler, rooms in Tudor Mansion. I would hate to be murdered in the damn hall.
8. Ball Room - Speaking of terrible places to die, how awful would it be reading someone's obituary to learn that they died in a ball room? If I saw that someone died in a ballroom, I assume it would be a woman in her 80's who died from the vigorous exercise contained within a slow waltz. If I had a mansion I would not include a lame ball room. I'd have to turn this into something else. A huge walk-in closet, perhaps? Oh shit... maybe a panic room! Mr. Boddy seems like the guy who would need a panic room, what with people always trying to murder him. Oh... no... wait... I changed my mind again. Bar. I would put a bar here instead.
7. Dining Room - I'm all about open floor plans. Why do the kitchen and the dining room have to be separate? Just knock down the walls and turn them into one big room. Yeah, yeah. I know. This is a mansion so you're not supposed to see the servants doing the work. You're just supposed to sit at the ornate dining room table and have those peasants bring stuff to you. I don't care though. That king orf attitude is exactly why someone is probably going to murder you. And if you died in a dining room wouldn't the most likely cause be poison? Poison isn't even a weapon in regular clue. That's some Master Detective Clue shit there. And I can't add in stuff from Master Detective in these rankings or else I'd also have to add in stables, gazebos, drawing rooms, horseshoes, Madam Rose, Sgt. Grey, M. Brunette, Miss Peach, etc.)
6. Lounge - I suppose the lounge is like the equivalent of living room or something, right? This isn't all that interesting, but at least the lounge has a secret passage in it. That gives it some awesome points. Secret passages are so cool. I want to build one in my living room. Too bad I like in an apartment. My neighbors would be like, "WHAT THE FUCK?!" if I chiseled through the living room wall to try to build a secret passage to my balcony. And I guess the living room already has a sliding door to the balcony, so the whole thing would be a bit silly.
5. Study - A study is a solid place to murder someone. First of all, it's meant to be a quiet room, generally for one person to be isolated in and, well (as the name implies), study. A comfortable leather chair, a desk, and maybe a couple of books borrowed from the library. When Mr. Boddy is chilling in his study by himself - it would be the perfect time to come up from behind and bust his head open with a lead pipe. And, like the Lounge, bonus points to the study for having a secret passage. In this case, the secret passage goes to the kitchen. So if all that murdering makes the murderer a bit hungry, he or she can go grab a sandwich. Convenient!
4. Billiard Room - How cool is it to have an opulent enough mansion to have your own billiard room in it? I know it's the 21st Century and so that might seem a little old-fashioned, but this room is the equivalent of the modern day game room. I'd love a billiard room. I'd probably have a little more than just billiards in there, though. Maybe get one of those combo pool tables that you can flip it over and have air hockey as well. Air hockey is SWEET. I'd still want to keep it a little old school though. Maybe hang up some giant, framed neoclassical paintings in the room. Give it a high ceiling and a chandelier. You know what? Forget the chandelier. Too damn hard to clean. If this room needs more lighting we can just use some candles. After all, I just saw a convenient-placed candlestick laying around nearby.
3. Kitchen - As alluded to previously, the kitchen is one of those secret passage rooms. Awesome. The kitchen is a great place to kill someone. Why? Knives. The ultimate solution to clue is "Mrs. White, in the Kitchen, with the Dagger." It's so perfect because Mrs. White is the domestic servant character (and would thus likely work in the kitchen), and the kitchen probably has a lot of knives in it. I know if I found Mr. Boddy laying dead with a knife in the back in the kitchen, Mrs. White would be suspect #1. Unless it was someone else trying to make it LOOK like Mrs. White. Damn you're clever, Colonel Mustard. Trying to throw everyone off by not using your crazy pirate revolver!
2. Library - If I ever have a mansion, which I likely will not, it will ABSOLUTELY have a library in it. In fact, if I ever own any house I'm just doing to make sure it has a library. Lots of dark wood paneling, wall to wall bookshelves, a nice comfortable chair and couch. Some tables. Yeah. I'd spend all my time here. Who needs a separate Study when you can just study in the library? This is another one of those situations where I'd knock down a wall with the Study (they are next to each other) and just make a bigger library. I probably don't have enough books to fill a library, but I'm sure I can solve that problem. Maybe go to some white elephant sales. Or find out where all those restaurants get their books from. You know how a lot of restaurants have old books on shelves in them for ambiance? Where the hell do all those books come from? Also like the study... this is a great place to commit a murder! You just sneak up on someone reading their book and kill 'em. Just don't use the revolver. Too loud. This is a library, for God's sake. SHHHHHH!!!!
1. Conservatory - You are absolutely a one-percenter if you have a Conservatory in your house. How awesome is that? You have a mansion large enough to essentially have a greenhouse inside of your actual house. I see this place as being lined with glass walls, with some temperature controls in it, maybe some plumbing built in that include misters that occasionally mist all of the rare, expensive orchids in it. I don't even like orchids. But if I was rich enough to have a conservatory, I would simply HAVE to include orchids in the room. The conservatory would need to be facing the back of the mansion though, not the front. I don't need everyone to be all in my business with those glass walls. Wait... this is the second time I've used the term "glass walls" in this paragraph and I'm just now realizing the word I should be using is "window." Whatever. The point is, this being at the back of the house also is more convenient for installing its secret passage and making sure that any murders that happen in it go unseen.
Well, there you have it folks. Now you see that Mrs. Scarlet killing someone in the Conservatory with the Candlestick is probably about as good as life can get. I mean, except for Mr. Boddy. Because he'd be murdered.
Okay... this is it, folks. The conclusion of the amazing Clue/Cluedo trilogy. The fantastic murder mystery board game where Mr. Boddy/Dr. Black is murdered by one of six suspects with one of six weapons in one of nine rooms. And where does this grizzly murder take place? Why, in an English country house called Tudor Mansion (sometimes also called Tudor Close, Tudor Hall, Boddy Manor or Boddy Mansion).
Here are the rooms in Tudor Mansion, ranked:
9. Hall - How boring is a hall? I mean really! And I know that in an old mansion a "hall" isn't just like the narrow hallway in your house that leads to bedrooms and stuff. Here, hall is referring to something more like a "great halls" of castles and stuff, that eventually evolved into eating, relaxing and entertainment chambers in 16th and early 17th century manor houses. Still though, you can perform all these types of functions already in the other, much cooler, rooms in Tudor Mansion. I would hate to be murdered in the damn hall.
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| A totally unnecessary room and a waste of money. |
8. Ball Room - Speaking of terrible places to die, how awful would it be reading someone's obituary to learn that they died in a ball room? If I saw that someone died in a ballroom, I assume it would be a woman in her 80's who died from the vigorous exercise contained within a slow waltz. If I had a mansion I would not include a lame ball room. I'd have to turn this into something else. A huge walk-in closet, perhaps? Oh shit... maybe a panic room! Mr. Boddy seems like the guy who would need a panic room, what with people always trying to murder him. Oh... no... wait... I changed my mind again. Bar. I would put a bar here instead.
7. Dining Room - I'm all about open floor plans. Why do the kitchen and the dining room have to be separate? Just knock down the walls and turn them into one big room. Yeah, yeah. I know. This is a mansion so you're not supposed to see the servants doing the work. You're just supposed to sit at the ornate dining room table and have those peasants bring stuff to you. I don't care though. That king orf attitude is exactly why someone is probably going to murder you. And if you died in a dining room wouldn't the most likely cause be poison? Poison isn't even a weapon in regular clue. That's some Master Detective Clue shit there. And I can't add in stuff from Master Detective in these rankings or else I'd also have to add in stables, gazebos, drawing rooms, horseshoes, Madam Rose, Sgt. Grey, M. Brunette, Miss Peach, etc.)
6. Lounge - I suppose the lounge is like the equivalent of living room or something, right? This isn't all that interesting, but at least the lounge has a secret passage in it. That gives it some awesome points. Secret passages are so cool. I want to build one in my living room. Too bad I like in an apartment. My neighbors would be like, "WHAT THE FUCK?!" if I chiseled through the living room wall to try to build a secret passage to my balcony. And I guess the living room already has a sliding door to the balcony, so the whole thing would be a bit silly.
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| Pictured: A quite decent room... FOR MURDER!!! |
5. Study - A study is a solid place to murder someone. First of all, it's meant to be a quiet room, generally for one person to be isolated in and, well (as the name implies), study. A comfortable leather chair, a desk, and maybe a couple of books borrowed from the library. When Mr. Boddy is chilling in his study by himself - it would be the perfect time to come up from behind and bust his head open with a lead pipe. And, like the Lounge, bonus points to the study for having a secret passage. In this case, the secret passage goes to the kitchen. So if all that murdering makes the murderer a bit hungry, he or she can go grab a sandwich. Convenient!
4. Billiard Room - How cool is it to have an opulent enough mansion to have your own billiard room in it? I know it's the 21st Century and so that might seem a little old-fashioned, but this room is the equivalent of the modern day game room. I'd love a billiard room. I'd probably have a little more than just billiards in there, though. Maybe get one of those combo pool tables that you can flip it over and have air hockey as well. Air hockey is SWEET. I'd still want to keep it a little old school though. Maybe hang up some giant, framed neoclassical paintings in the room. Give it a high ceiling and a chandelier. You know what? Forget the chandelier. Too damn hard to clean. If this room needs more lighting we can just use some candles. After all, I just saw a convenient-placed candlestick laying around nearby.
3. Kitchen - As alluded to previously, the kitchen is one of those secret passage rooms. Awesome. The kitchen is a great place to kill someone. Why? Knives. The ultimate solution to clue is "Mrs. White, in the Kitchen, with the Dagger." It's so perfect because Mrs. White is the domestic servant character (and would thus likely work in the kitchen), and the kitchen probably has a lot of knives in it. I know if I found Mr. Boddy laying dead with a knife in the back in the kitchen, Mrs. White would be suspect #1. Unless it was someone else trying to make it LOOK like Mrs. White. Damn you're clever, Colonel Mustard. Trying to throw everyone off by not using your crazy pirate revolver!
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| Oh me? Just CHILLIN' IN MY PRIVATE HOME LIBRARY! |
1. Conservatory - You are absolutely a one-percenter if you have a Conservatory in your house. How awesome is that? You have a mansion large enough to essentially have a greenhouse inside of your actual house. I see this place as being lined with glass walls, with some temperature controls in it, maybe some plumbing built in that include misters that occasionally mist all of the rare, expensive orchids in it. I don't even like orchids. But if I was rich enough to have a conservatory, I would simply HAVE to include orchids in the room. The conservatory would need to be facing the back of the mansion though, not the front. I don't need everyone to be all in my business with those glass walls. Wait... this is the second time I've used the term "glass walls" in this paragraph and I'm just now realizing the word I should be using is "window." Whatever. The point is, this being at the back of the house also is more convenient for installing its secret passage and making sure that any murders that happen in it go unseen.
Well, there you have it folks. Now you see that Mrs. Scarlet killing someone in the Conservatory with the Candlestick is probably about as good as life can get. I mean, except for Mr. Boddy. Because he'd be murdered.
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