Ed Re-Ranks #1 Rankings That He Absolutely Fucked Up

Sometimes I'm in some weird or inexplicable mood in life, which causes my mind to break down and therefore I absolutely fail at my own rankings.  These are 10 rankings which I did, in which I absolutely failed to pick the correct #1 Ranking.

10. Ed Ranks Who Negan Will Kill Sunday, From Least to Most Likely

This was very wrong.

• What I Picked:  Maggie Greene
• What I Should Have Picked: Glenn Rhee
• Analysis: Eh, I don't feel bad about this one. It's more of a "hindsight is 20/20" kind of thing. I though the show would change things up because killing Glenn was too obvious. There was also "leaked" footage of Maggie dying, which the AMC people obviously leaked on purpose (as they filmed scenes of Rick "imagining" all of the various characters dying).

9. Ed Ranks the Vocalizations of Turkeys

• What I Picked: Gobble
• What I Should Have Picked: Kee-Kee
• Analysis:This one doesn't matter that much either, but I did get it wrong. "Kee-Kee" is much  more interesting than "Gobble."

8.  Ed Ranks Things Associated with the FIFA World Cup

• What I Picked: Money Laundering
• What I Should Have Picked: Unequal Gender Pay (something that wasn't even listed in my rankings)
• Analysis: Guess I didn't know about that additional reason why FIFA sucks. I do now. 

7. Ed Ranks Titles of Nobility (By How Cool they Sound)

• What I Picked:Viceroy/Vicereine
• What I Should Have Picked: Archduke/Archduchess
• Analysis: I'm not sure why I thought "Viceroy" was so cool. Sure, it still sounds cool to me. But does it sound cooler than "Archduke?" Nope. For some reason I had Archduke/Archduchess ranked all the way down at #6. Vicereine sounds like a knockoff brand of Listerine.

It seems so obvious in hindsight.

6. Ed Ranks the Characters of Westworld

• What I Picked: Bernard
• What I Should Have Picked: Maeve
• Analysis: In the grand scheme of things, this ranking still holds up as solid. I previously had Maeve at #2 and Bernard at #1. Maeve is better though. That's my mistake and I admit it.

5.  Ed Ranks the Events of August 25

• What I Picked: Alexander Skarsgård is born.
• What I Should Have Picked: Paris is liberated by the Allies.
• Analysis: I am 95% sure I was just being facetious and smarmy on purpose when I said Alexander Skarsgård being born is a more important historic event than the Allies liberating Paris in World War II. The problem is that 5% of unsure, which makes me question if that was the joke? Even if it was the joke, it's not a particularly funny joke, and I should have just gone with the Paris thing. 

4. Ed Ranks the Supposed Multiple Causes of Rasputin's Death

• What I Picked: Beating him with a Rubber Truncheon
• What I Should Have Picked: Basically anything else on the ranking, especially Cyanide-laced Tea and Cakes, or Being Thrown in the River.
• Analysis: At the time I thought that it was exceedingly funny that despite Rasputin's ability to survive being poisoned and shot, someone also thought hitting him with a rubber stick would be effective. I guess because of how futile and dumb it was, I ranked it as #1 because that silliness. But I wasn't ranking his causes of death by how silly they were. I was ranking them by other, general factors of interesting-ness and effectiveness.

3. Ed Ranks Possible Things that Happened to Mira Sorvino

• What I Picked: Eaten by a Shark
• What I Should Have Picked: Nothing. I absolutely should not have done this ranking at all, in hindsight.
• Analysis: In April of 2017, I decided to make a joke ranking that made fun of the fact that actress Miro Sorvino just vanished from the face of the Earth. I picked a bunch of ludicrous possible things that happened to her, and ultimately claimed that she was most likely eaten by a shark. Three months later, I ranked my first 100 rankings and I stood by this ranking, saying that I still thought it was hilarious. Three months after that, Mira Sorvino came forward and basically explained that she wouldn't sleep with skeezy producer Harvey Weinstein and he sabotaged and destroyed her career after that, as he did to many other actresses who said no to his sexual assaults. So yeah, I sort of feel like a huge dick about this in retrospect.

2. Ed Ranks the Top 10 2018 Winter Olympic Moments

• What I Picked: Norwegian Curling Pants
• What I Should Have Picked: Korean Curler Filled with Hate (probably), or maybe and Ready Canada Beer Husband or Finnish Knitting Coach
• Analysis: For some reason during the last Winter Olympics, I really thought those Norwegian Curling Team's crazy pants were hilarious and worth talking about. In hindsight, they were barely memorable. Meanwhile, the Korean Curler with the resting bitch face who looked like she wanted to kill everyone still is hilarious, as is the husband of the Canadian curler who stood inches away while holding a beer, and is the Finnish snowboarding coach who stood inches away while knitting like she was bored by the whole "Olympics" thing. All three of those should be bumped up in the ranking, and those Norwegian pants should be knocked down to #4.

1. Ed Ranks Countries by Food

Actual winner. Sorry, Mexico.

• What I Picked: Mexico
• What I Should Have Picked: Japan
• Analysis: I had previously ranked countries by beer (a ranking which is controversial for sure, but which I still 100% stand by), and so I figured I'd give this a try too. I said Mexican was the best food (it is pretty good) and for some unbelievable, stupid reason I put Japan waaaaaaaaaay down at #5. All I did when mention Japan was make some fleeting comment about sushi or some bullshit. I should have known better. In fact, I did know better. I had already been to Japan multiple times before I wrote this ranking, and yet I scored a huge brain fart here. Sushi is great and super delicious, but Japan has so much more to offer. Yakiniku (grilled meats) and various Kushi (skewered meats, including Yakitori), Tempura, Ramen (obviously!), Udon, Tonkatsu (deep fried pork cutlets), Soufflé Pancakes, Okonomiyaki (savory pancakes), Sakana (a wide variety of side dishes, usually served just as bar snacks to have with alcohol), Takoyaki (fried balls of octopus and magic), Soba, Shabu-Shabu, Wagyu beef, etc.  That's just a start on the big, famous things you can get anywhere. Once you add in various cities and regions with their own specialties (Okonomiyaki is basically different in every city) - the list is almost endless. I fucked this ranking up... BIG TIME.