Hey! Those Winter Olympics were fun, right? And yes, I am doing yet another one since today was Closing Ceremony day. Last one. I promise!
10. The LazyHungarian American
Elizabeth Swaney scammed the international Olympic system and qualified to get into the Olympics as a halfpipe skier through shenanigans that included qualifying in the "top 30" in enough international competitions that generally has less than 30 participants in them. This means that her family is rich enough so that she could fly around the world to be in competitions just to qualify for the Olympics with minimal effort. And minimal effort is what she put up. Rich and lazy. Elizabeth Swaney is probably the most American American at the Olympics (despite the fact that she competed for Hungary).
9. Mirai Nagasu's Triple Axel
This was pretty sweet, right? An American has never done this before at the Olympics. Mirai Nagasu is the exact opposite of Elizabeth Swaney.
8. Nathan Chen's 400+ Quads
In the Free Skate, Nathan Chen did 437 Quadruples. I counted them all. I got dizzy watching him, so I'm not sure how he did it himself. Do not question my math.
7. Czech Snowboarder Accidentally Wins Skiing Gold
Ester Ledecka is a Czech world champion snowboarder. I guess for shits-and-giggles she also decided to compete in the Women's Super-G skiing event. You know, she was already at the Olympics so she might as well have some fun. On the US TV broadcast, her performance wasn't even aired. Bode Miller and the US broadcasters already declared the winner as another person without Ester even skiing yet, because she wasn't supposed to win. Then she won. Everyone was surprised. You know who was the most surprised? Ester Ledecka, who's look when she saw her time appeared to be one of total confusion.
6. Mustaches
Whether it be U.S. Curler Matt Hamilton (clearly just Danny McBride engaging in some dedicated method acting) or Norweigan Ski Jumper Robert Johansson, this was a big Olympics for mustaches.
5. Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir Basically Do It on Ice
This was a little too much PDA, Canadians. There are children watching!
4. Finnish Knitting Coach
Sure, I guess if you were a Finnish Olympic Snowboarding coach, you could spend your time giving advice to your athletes as they're about to snowboard. Alternatively, you could just stand around knitting, like Antti Koskinen chose to.
3. Canadian Beer Husband
Rachel Homan is a Canadian Curler. She's pretty good at what she does. She is a great Olympic Athlete. But her husband, Shawn Germain, is a great beer drinker. So he spent his Olympics watching her compete while he double-fisted beers at nine in the morning. Shawn Germain should be the next Prime Minister of Canada.
2. Korean Curler Filled with Hate and Ready to Destroy
The captain of South Korea’s women’s curling team, Kim Eun-jung, does not look dissimilar to a naughty librarian in a porno. But don't let that look confuse you. This woman's ice-cold, game face stare will strike fear into the hearts of all competitors. Her game face is probably 90% of the reason the South Koreans almost won the gold.
1. Norwegian Curling Pants
No further explanation needed beyond this picture:
10. The Lazy
Elizabeth Swaney scammed the international Olympic system and qualified to get into the Olympics as a halfpipe skier through shenanigans that included qualifying in the "top 30" in enough international competitions that generally has less than 30 participants in them. This means that her family is rich enough so that she could fly around the world to be in competitions just to qualify for the Olympics with minimal effort. And minimal effort is what she put up. Rich and lazy. Elizabeth Swaney is probably the most American American at the Olympics (despite the fact that she competed for Hungary).
9. Mirai Nagasu's Triple Axel
This was pretty sweet, right? An American has never done this before at the Olympics. Mirai Nagasu is the exact opposite of Elizabeth Swaney.
8. Nathan Chen's 400+ Quads
In the Free Skate, Nathan Chen did 437 Quadruples. I counted them all. I got dizzy watching him, so I'm not sure how he did it himself. Do not question my math.
 |
| "Wait... I did what?" |
Ester Ledecka is a Czech world champion snowboarder. I guess for shits-and-giggles she also decided to compete in the Women's Super-G skiing event. You know, she was already at the Olympics so she might as well have some fun. On the US TV broadcast, her performance wasn't even aired. Bode Miller and the US broadcasters already declared the winner as another person without Ester even skiing yet, because she wasn't supposed to win. Then she won. Everyone was surprised. You know who was the most surprised? Ester Ledecka, who's look when she saw her time appeared to be one of total confusion.
6. Mustaches
 |
| Yes. "Mustaches" counts as a moment. |
5. Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir Basically Do It on Ice
This was a little too much PDA, Canadians. There are children watching!
4. Finnish Knitting Coach
 |
| Olympic event? Who cares! I need to do this seed stitch |
Sure, I guess if you were a Finnish Olympic Snowboarding coach, you could spend your time giving advice to your athletes as they're about to snowboard. Alternatively, you could just stand around knitting, like Antti Koskinen chose to.
3. Canadian Beer Husband
 |
| Oh, Canada |
Rachel Homan is a Canadian Curler. She's pretty good at what she does. She is a great Olympic Athlete. But her husband, Shawn Germain, is a great beer drinker. So he spent his Olympics watching her compete while he double-fisted beers at nine in the morning. Shawn Germain should be the next Prime Minister of Canada.
 |
| Actual photo with no editing. |
The captain of South Korea’s women’s curling team, Kim Eun-jung, does not look dissimilar to a naughty librarian in a porno. But don't let that look confuse you. This woman's ice-cold, game face stare will strike fear into the hearts of all competitors. Her game face is probably 90% of the reason the South Koreans almost won the gold.
1. Norwegian Curling Pants
No further explanation needed beyond this picture:
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