Thought I was done with the Winter Olympics because I ranked the best and worth sports? NOPE.
Evgenia Medvedeva and Alina Zagitova are Russian figure skaters. It's possible they are normal human beings born to human parents. But it is more likely that they are Terminatrix robots from the future, sent back in time to destroy all competition. A lot of people are also talking about how they are "feuding" with each other.
Should we care about this?
5. Whatever, they're just Russians.
Fair point, I suppose.
4. Whatever, they're just figure skaters.
Yeah, who really even cares about figure skating anyway? It's not like it's a cool sport like Skeleton. Did I mention that Skeleton is awesome? SKELETON!!! Learn how to throw yourselves down a track face first on a sled, Evgenia and Alina. Then maybe we'll start to care.
3. Wait... who the fuck are Evgenia Medvedeva and Alina Zagitova again?
I explained this above in the premise of the ranking. There is literally a picture of one of them right there. Obviously the fact that you forgot this so quickly means that we probably SHOULDN'T care.
2. We shouldn't care because the whole thing is most likely BS. They're probably not even really "feuding." It's just media hype to create a "story" for the Olympics.
This is most likely true. Sure, both want to be the best and win. But doesn't everyone skating want to be the best and win? How are they different from anyone else out there?
1. NO! Why are we hyping this shit? Why do we, as a society, ALWAYS try to drive a wedge between competitive women in situations like this? If this were a story about two men, we would NEVER create a story about how they are enemies that hate each other. Yet in this patriarchal world, we are always re-enforcing antiquated notions about women being catty bitches.
I know, right? This is like that "who wore it better?" nonsense. Can't two human beings wear the same thing without it being a death feud?
5. OMG they are so hot, we should care about anything they do.
Okay. First off Alina is 15 years old, you creep. Also, that's not a really good reason. Stop being sexist. Women are not objects. These are two highly talented competitors who both went through years of training. Or, possibly, were just manufactured to be that good because they are highly sophisticated robots from the future.
4. No, seriously. Have you seen that picture of Evgenia Medvedeva dressed up like Sailor Moon? Cancel the rest of the Olympics, I just want to see more of her.
Look, as I explained befo--Holy crap, you're right! That Sailor Moon thing is is pretty hot. Okay, maybe this list can be just a little bit sexist.
3. The Russians and U.S. have a long-running feud through Olympic history. We should obviously care about these two because they are the primary competitors against the U.S. ice skaters.
Great point! Although I do think it's a bit cute that you think any U.S. skater has a chance against these lethal Russian teenage cosplaying killbots. Mirai Nagasu could do four triple axles in a row and get Jeff Gillooly's henchmen to whack Medvedeva in both knees. Medvedeva will still win by about 26 points.
2. These two are probably going to dominate everyone, so we should pay attention to them because they're going to get Gold and Silver anyway.
Yes. They will. I guess the only question will be which one gets Gold and which one gets Silver. Which makes their competition with one another a particularly captivating story.
1. We've already forgotten the whole premise of this ranking again. Can you just post a video of that Sailor Moon routine or something? I bet it is BAT SHIT CRAZY.
Sure, here you go (and yes, it is):
Evgenia Medvedeva and Alina Zagitova are Russian figure skaters. It's possible they are normal human beings born to human parents. But it is more likely that they are Terminatrix robots from the future, sent back in time to destroy all competition. A lot of people are also talking about how they are "feuding" with each other.
Should we care about this?
Top 5 Reasons We Should NOT Care:
 |
| Wheeeee! Skating! |
Fair point, I suppose.
4. Whatever, they're just figure skaters.
Yeah, who really even cares about figure skating anyway? It's not like it's a cool sport like Skeleton. Did I mention that Skeleton is awesome? SKELETON!!! Learn how to throw yourselves down a track face first on a sled, Evgenia and Alina. Then maybe we'll start to care.
3. Wait... who the fuck are Evgenia Medvedeva and Alina Zagitova again?
I explained this above in the premise of the ranking. There is literally a picture of one of them right there. Obviously the fact that you forgot this so quickly means that we probably SHOULDN'T care.
2. We shouldn't care because the whole thing is most likely BS. They're probably not even really "feuding." It's just media hype to create a "story" for the Olympics.
This is most likely true. Sure, both want to be the best and win. But doesn't everyone skating want to be the best and win? How are they different from anyone else out there?
1. NO! Why are we hyping this shit? Why do we, as a society, ALWAYS try to drive a wedge between competitive women in situations like this? If this were a story about two men, we would NEVER create a story about how they are enemies that hate each other. Yet in this patriarchal world, we are always re-enforcing antiquated notions about women being catty bitches.
I know, right? This is like that "who wore it better?" nonsense. Can't two human beings wear the same thing without it being a death feud?
Top 5 Reasons We SHOULD Care:
5. OMG they are so hot, we should care about anything they do.
Okay. First off Alina is 15 years old, you creep. Also, that's not a really good reason. Stop being sexist. Women are not objects. These are two highly talented competitors who both went through years of training. Or, possibly, were just manufactured to be that good because they are highly sophisticated robots from the future.
4. No, seriously. Have you seen that picture of Evgenia Medvedeva dressed up like Sailor Moon? Cancel the rest of the Olympics, I just want to see more of her.
 |
| Sorry, Karen Chen and Mirai Nagasu. This lady will break you. |
3. The Russians and U.S. have a long-running feud through Olympic history. We should obviously care about these two because they are the primary competitors against the U.S. ice skaters.
Great point! Although I do think it's a bit cute that you think any U.S. skater has a chance against these lethal Russian teenage cosplaying killbots. Mirai Nagasu could do four triple axles in a row and get Jeff Gillooly's henchmen to whack Medvedeva in both knees. Medvedeva will still win by about 26 points.
2. These two are probably going to dominate everyone, so we should pay attention to them because they're going to get Gold and Silver anyway.
Yes. They will. I guess the only question will be which one gets Gold and which one gets Silver. Which makes their competition with one another a particularly captivating story.
1. We've already forgotten the whole premise of this ranking again. Can you just post a video of that Sailor Moon routine or something? I bet it is BAT SHIT CRAZY.
Sure, here you go (and yes, it is):
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