Ed Ranks the 10 Best / Worst Members of the nWo

Queue porn music.

Hey, remember the WCW’s new World order?  Yeah. These are the 10 best and 10 worst members of that professional wrestling stable. 

TEN BEST

10. Masahiro Chono – Leader of the nWo Japan in New Japan Pro Wrestling (NJPW). Do you not know about this? You have some Wikipedia articles to catch up on, my friend.

9. Konnan - Yo yo yo, let me speak on this. There was a time in the 1990's when wearing red lumberjack flannel made you an “urban homeboy” rather than a filthy hipster. Isn’t that really strange in hindsight?

Nice hat.

8. Buff Bagwell – You just wanted to always punch this smug, steroided-up douche in the face whenever you saw him. And isn’t that the point of a heel wrestler? To hate them? So… mission accomplished, Buff Bagwell.

7. Scott Steiner – There’s nothing finer than Scott Steiner on a recliner, going to a diner with a Shriner and a miner, ordering a shiner (bock), beating up some whiner wearing eyeliner that came over from Asia Minor via a jetliner and… uhmmm… okay, I think I’m out now.

6. Randy Savage – Randy Savage was great. But again… did he really NEED to be in the nWo? I think he and the LOVELY MISS ELIZABETH would have been fine on their own.

5. Hollywood Hulk Hogan – I guess you have to give some credit to the fact that the nWo got the most famous wrestler of all time, Hulk Hogan, to do the "unthinkable" by transforming the babyface into a heel, brother.  It’s a shame they essentially parked the WCW Heavyweight Championship on Hogan like the ENTIRE time he was in WCW though and barely ever gave anyone else a chance at it, brother. Hollywood Hogan was the only time that boring-ass Hogan was ever interesting though, brother. Except in that one grainy video, brother. You know the one, brother. R.I.P. Gawker.

4. Eric Bischoff – Hell yeah, Bischoff! The nWo plotline wouldn’t have even made sense without the Bischoff charter. Bischoff (the actual person, not the fictional, kayfabe “Eazy E” version of himself from TV), was the Executive Producer to Executive Vice President. Which in reality meant he ran WCW.  Kayfabe, his Eazy E character was essentially the same – except that he turned evil and joined the nWo to take on the WCW.  Actually, now that I think about it... none of it actually makes any damn sense even with Bischoff if you think about it too hard.

3. Syxx – I don’t like X-Pac. But I liked Syxx. Does that even make sense? Of course it doesn’t.

2. Scott Hall – Hey Yo, Hall was the Bonnie to Kevin Nash’s Clyde. If only Hall could have stayed healthy and sober enough to be around all the time, he would have been even better. The Outsiders ruled.

Very original hand sign.

1.  Kevin Nash – The lord and master of the new World order. There would be no nWo without him. The only bad thing you can really say about Nash’s reign is when the nWo disgustingly split in half and Nash ran the babyface nWo: Wolfpac faction. The nWo as good guys was stupid.  A lot of people say the “Fingerpoke of Doom” was the virtual end of WCW. No way. The Fingerpoke of Doom was awesome. Thank goodness they all became heels again.


TEN WORST

10. Disco Inferno – Disco Inferno is awesome, let's get that straight. Putting him on this “Worst” list doesn’t mean that Disco wasn’t awesome. He just should have never been in the nWo.  Disco was a perfectly good and interesting mid-carder, Cruiserweight heel wrestler without needing to be in a stable.  How is Disco supposed to show off his sparkling disco suits if he has to wear the stupid black shirt?

9. Scott Norton – Scott Norton’s life story must be some type of “deal with the devil” story where he made said deal with the devil in order to be a “famous TV wrestler.” However the devil, always screwing people over with his deals, made him a mediocre, forgettable mid-carder for life. I don’t think he ever got a single belt in his whole time in the WCW. Not even the Tag Championship when he was part of “Vicious and Delicious.” Not even one of those shitty belts that nobody cares about. Yeah, I’m looking at you, United States Heavyweight Championship belt. Even Dean Malenko and David Flair won that belt, Scott.

8. nWo Sting – How lame is it that WCW had both a wrestler named “Sting” as well as another wrestler, in identical makeup to the guy called “Sting,” who was called “nWo Sting.” His plot was that he was exactly like the other Sting, except a member of the nWo instead of NOT a member of the nWo because he wore the nWo T-Shirt.  This era of Sting (the fake “The Crow” version that never talked, rather than sparkly Fake Ultimate Warrior Sting) was super boring. Because he never talked. So why have a second fake copycat who also never talks or does anything interesting except leer in the rafters?

7. Bret Hart – Why the hell was Bret Hart in the nWo? This never made any sense and just showed that WCW’s writers had no idea what the hell they were doing.  I can't remember exactly when this happened, but I have a feeling that it was Vince Russo's fault. I could be wrong, but blaming Vince Russo for a terrible story decision at WCW seems like a safe bet.

6. Dennis Rodman – “Celebrity” nWo members were always a terrible idea. And yet they kept doing it again and again and again.

5. The Disciple - Brutus Beefcake sucked as Brutus Beefcake. He sucked even worse as “The Disciple.”

4. Kyle Petty – Yes, THAT Kyle Petty. Did you remember that the nWo used to have a NASCAR? Well, of course you did, if you’re still bothering to read this. White trash loves wrestling and also loves NASCAR. So it's kind of a no-brainer. And thus Kyle Petty was a de-facto nWo member, despite being a racecar driver and not a ‘rassler. This video makes me even wonder if they bothered having an editor for those n.W.o. segments:



3. Michael Wallstreet – Mike Rotunda was an nWo member for a while. Nobody cared.

2. Barry Windham – There used to be that running joke about the "nWo B-Team" – the collection of undesirable mid-carders, jobbers and valets in the nWo, just supporting the bigger stars while never getting a push or story arc of their own. These are the Scott Nortons, Vincents, Horace Hogans and Stevie Rays of wrestling history. Barry Windham wasn’t even nWo B-Team quality. He was more like C-Team or D-Team.

1. Kendall Jenner – I know this one doesn’t technically count, but what the literal fuck?