Ed Ranks Things To Do in a Government Shutdown

How are these wankers in here "essential?"

Hey there, this one is just for you government employees.  Have fun!

10. Just Work Anyway - If you are furloughed, this is technically illegal. I seriously doubt anyone is going to waste their time investigating or prosecuting you for it, but just keep that in mind. Don't be that "A-Type" who thinks that their work is so important that they have to keep doing it. Just take being declared" non-essential" as a gift and stop pretending that the world is going to fall apart without you.

9. Clean Your House - Yeah, I guess you could do this since you have the time now. But where is the fun in that?

8. Spend More Time on Social Media, Ranting About Politics - This will definitely make you sound educated and aware. Not at all like an annoying dick that I'm going to need to block.

7. Give Handjobs in an Alley - You gotta make money somehow. Who knows how long this shutdown is gonna last? And Starbucks Venti Mocha Lattes aren't exactly free.

6. Contemplate if Six is Even a Real Number - Is this ranked #6? Is there even such a thing as six? Or is six, and all numbers, simply a human construct? Maybe the number six doesn't exist at all. Maybe the numbers go one-two-three-four-five-seven and you had some sort of brain injury that caused you to make up a new number in your head that isn't even real. Suuuuure, you think it's real. But then again crazy people always believe in crazy things with absolute certainty that they are right. Do you think John Hinckley shot Reagan because he thought Jodie Foster might be impressed by it? Oh no. There was no might. John Hinckley's crazy ass KNEW Jodie Foster would be impressed. Just like you "know" six is a real thing.

5. Write a Best-Selling Novel - How hard can it be? Fire and Fury is poorly sourced and terrible, yet people bought a bajillion copies of that because it's salacious.

4. Watch Some More Netflix, I Guess - Surely there must be some show on there you need to catch up on. Not Black Mirror though. I was done after the pig sex episode and that was the first one. Over-hyped.

3. Whip Out that Ol' Nintendo Wii -  The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess isn't going to beat itself, and you never got around to finishing it back in 2006.

2. Go Shopping - This one is sort of contradictory. If you're being furloughed then you're not being paid. If you're not being paid then you have less money. And yet the stores are always closed or super busy after you get off from working all day, yet open and not busy when you're at work and can't go. And thus being furloughed gives you the opportunity to actually go to the store for once. Life is full of ironies like this.

1. Drink Heavily - Usually how I handle it.