Ed Ranks Rooms in Clue by How Likely You'll Find Kid Rock in Them

You might or might not recall that in 2017, I ranked the rooms in the board game "Clue."

That was an awesome list, but this list is totally different. That list was all about how great those rooms are. This list simply analyzes how likely it is that you will find "musician" Kid Rock (quotation marks intended) in any of those individual rooms in a mansion. This time I'll include the Cellar, which I didn't last time. I don't know why. I just feel like it.

Unfortunately for Kid Rock, there is no "Waffle House" room in Clue.

10. Library - There is no damn way you would ever find Kid Rock in any sort of library. I'm around 70% certain that he's illiterate. He's only able to order from the Waffle House menu because it has pictures.

9. Study - Similar to the library, I don't think Kid Rock spends a great deal of time sitting down doing desk work or reading. I know what you're thinking (or maybe I don't, but I'm guessing)...you're thinking "Hey, Kid Rock writes what some people could refer to as music. Since he writes music, wouldn't he spend a lot of time in something like a study?" The answer is no. Kid Rock simply samples Metallica songs from the radio and then comes up with new, terrible lyrics for them. In a Waffle House.

8.  Dining Room - Kid Rock does not eat meals in any sort of formal "dining room." I'm sure he just eats sitting on a couch or maybe just straight out of the fridge, standing there in front of it. I bet you're expecting a Waffle House joke now as a place where he eats instead, but no. This entry will not include one of those jokes. Unless you argue that me referencing that it won't have a Waffle House joke as, in fact, a Waffle House joke. You might have a fairly good argument there, actually.

7. Conservatory - Look, I'm not saying that it's likely you could find Kid Rock in a conservatory. However, you do grow plants in conservatories. It's possible that Kid Rock could simply be inside of a conservatory because he's trying to grow some weed in there.

6. Cellar - You might find Kid Rock down in a cellar, perhaps looking for wine or something like that which would be kept in a cellar. But he could only be looking for wine if all of the cheap, shit beer he likes is gone. Kid Rock is a millionaire so he should be able to drink good beer. Yet he doesn't. I am almost certain he drinks shit beer.

This might be what his ballroom looks like.

5. Ballroom - While a ballroom might be designed for fancy, formal ball dances that are not really Kid Rock's thing, chances are you still might find him in this room. It's a pretty big and open room, and ballrooms are designed to have enough space for a band to play in them. Kid Rock probably might have a ball room, but if he does he uses it as some sort of jamming room to play "music" in.

4. Hall -  A hall is basically the same thing as a ball room, so he could also be jamming in here too. I think halls are more common, so this one ranks higher.

3. Lounge - Lounge is a fancy word for "living room," and living rooms have couches and TVs. There is a very good chance you will find Kid Rock in a lounge, probably laying across an entire couch with his shoes still on. If he wears shoes. Does he wear boots instead? Maybe he wears boots because he probably thinks that's cool.

2. Kitchen - Kitchens have fridges. Fridges have beer. You will 100% find Kid Rock in a kitchen, standing at the fridge in his wife-beater and chugging Budweiser right out of the bottle. Or can.

1. Billiard Room - I imagine Kid Rock likely spends the majority of his day smoking cigars and drinking beers while playing pool against Uncle Kracker. That's just a guess though. If the guess is right, there is no way Uncle Kracker pays rent for the place too. He just sort of hangs out there like Kato Kaelin did with OJ. If only Waffle Houses had billiard tables in them, he wouldn't even need a fancy mansion.