The 65th Academy Awards ceremony was presented by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts, honoring films released in 1992. Given that it honored the best films of 1992, the awards ceremony itself was held on March 29, 1993. The list below includes the 30 greatest films of 1992, as ranked by me. By no means should you take anything I say in these rankings as sarcasm. This list is earnest as fuck, yo.
30. The Player - Pretentious Tim Robbins film by Hollywood people about Hollywood people that was nominated for a number of Academy Awards. Boring. Who cares? Nobody.
29. Trespass - This film stars Ice T, Ice Cube, Bill Paxton (RIP), and William Sadler. Is
the name William Sadler not ringing a bell for you? Perhaps Googling him will help you out. Yeah, THAT DUDE. He rocks, right? Need a badass? Cast him! Look, I'm not saying it's an amazing cinematic masterpiece. I'm just including this to say that it's better than that fucking Robert Altman Hollywood fluff piece The Player. Fuck The Player.
28. Candyman - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism. Tony Todd rules.
27. Captain Ron / The Mighty Ducks - You might be wondering why exactly I've lumped these two films together as one film. The truth is that Disney actually sold tickets to a double showing of these two films together in 1992. I remember as a kid I really, really wanted to see Mighty Ducks, but in buying the ticket (or, actually, my mom buying the ticket because I was 10) we got a double feature with Captain Ron. I honestly liked Captain Ron more. Although in The Mighty Duck's defense, it did have PACEY WITTER.
26. Mo' Money - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
25. Howard's End - Remember when Helena Bonham Carter used to be in films not directed by Tim Burton? Me neither.
24. Juice - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
23. Stay Tuned - A movie featuring John Ritter, satellite TV, and Satan. What more does the Academy want from a film?
22. White Men Can't Jump - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
21. Basic Instinct - Starring Sharon Stone's vagina. And, I think, other people too? Enjoy this video of Loaded Weapon 1 (the greatest Sam Jackson film ever) as my treat:
20. Glengarry Glen Ross - ALWAYS BE CLOSING. Just kidding, that's not the most important legacy of this movie. The most important legacy of this movie is that Jack Lemmon's character, Shelley "The Machine" Levene, inspired Gil Gunderson on The Simpsons. Now THAT deserves an award shaped like a nude gold man.
19. Patriot Games - Was this the best Jack Ryan film? Not really. Was Harrison Ford really too old to play Jack Ryan? Yeah, he was. Still - pretty good film though, right?
18. Passenger 57 - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
17. Encino Man - Brendan Frasier is the best. Clearly the 17th best film of the year. Clearly.
16. Reservoir Dogs - I'll admit that I've never actually seen this film. Why not put it at 16 and pretend like I have though?
15. Mr. Baseball - Tom Selleck as a washed up ball player in Japan? YASSSSSSSS.
14. My Cousin Vinny - I'd give Marisa Tomei's hot ass an award for anything, even if she didn't deserve it and if there was another name on the card. Just like what happened for My Cousin Vinny.
13. Boomerang - This film introduced the majority of the world to Halle Berry. Thank you, Boomerang. Thank you. The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism. And the fact that Eddie Murphy's career was washing out hard.
12. Chaplin - When you watch the new Spider-Man film this summer, just remember that you've seen Robert Downey Jr. and Marisa Tomei together before. Here, in Chaplin. Okay, also in Captain America: Civil War. Stop throwing technicalities at me.
11. FernGully: The Last Rainforest - Look, I'm not admitting that I'm attracted to cartoon characters. I'm just saying that Crysta is probably hotter than most actual human beings. Don't mock this movie, it was actually nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. I mean, not really. But it kind of was when it was completely remade note-for-note and called "Avatar" in 2009.
10. Malcolm X - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
9. Bram Stoker's Dracula - Two words: Gary Oldman.
8. Aladdin - Okay, so I'm attracted to cartoon characters. Jasmine is so hot.
7. The Bodyguard - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism. And because Kevin Costner is a terrible actor. Whitney was so cute before the crack, amiright?
6. The Last of the Mohicans - Odd that this didn't just win every award this year. Usually when Daniel Day-Lewis bothers to do a film... the Academy just hands that film every gold thing that it has. Fun fact: Years later it was completely remade note-for-note and called "Avatar" in 2009. Now that's a quality throwback joke, people. I bet you thought my "because of racism" thing was going to be my only recurring joke on this list, didn't you?
5. A Few Good Men - You can't handle this ranking.
4. The Crying Game - The Black chick in this movie was so hot. ...Wait... what?
3. Miranda Richardson, All by her Damn Self - Speaking of The Crying Game, Miranda Richardson was in that film. In 1992, she was also in Enchanted April (she won the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress for a Musical or Comedy), and Damage (she won the BAFTA Award for Best Supporting Actress by defeating HERSELF, as she was also nominated for The Crying Game in the same category). 1992 was the year of Miranda Richardson. You couldn't have a great film in 1992 if she wasn't in it. If they had read out the five films nominated for best picture that year and then announced that the winner was "Miranda Richardson" despite the fact that she's an actor and not a film, most of the audience would have nodded their heads approvingly and said, "Yeah, that sounds about right."
2. Unforgiven - This was the film that ACTUALLY won the 65th Academy Award for Best Picture. It was a great film. Amazing, actually. But there was one film in 1992 that was better than it.
1. Honeymoon in Vegas - Now I know what you're thinking. "Ed must be confusing those Nic Cage Vegas movies and is really thinking about Leaving Las Vegas." No, I'm not confused. Everyone knows that Leaving Las Vegas came out in 1995, not 1992. Before Con Air made him the embodiment of a crazy man meme for life, Nic Cage was actually a somewhat acclaimed actor. He did win an Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas. But I'm not talking about Leaving Las Vegas. I'm talking about the cinematic masterpiece that is Honeymoon in Vegas. In this better-than-Citizen Kane film (Rosebud is a sled and Susan is a terrible singer... I just saved you 119 minutes of your life), Nic Cage is about to get married to Sarah Jessica Parker in Vegas... only to have the devious James Caan offer to erase his gambling debts in return for spending one weekend with his fiancé. James Caan then does everything he can to steal Sarah Jessica Parker away from Nic Cage - only to be defeated by Nic Cage jumping out of an airplane with a group of Flying Elvises (Utah Chapter). Does it sound like they stole this "Lemme sleep with your lady for $$$" plot from Robert Redford's Indecent Proposal? WRONG! This film came out eight months before Indecent Proposal. It's the best. It should be given every award ever.
30. The Player - Pretentious Tim Robbins film by Hollywood people about Hollywood people that was nominated for a number of Academy Awards. Boring. Who cares? Nobody.
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| Okay, this list isn't that earnest. |
28. Candyman - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism. Tony Todd rules.
27. Captain Ron / The Mighty Ducks - You might be wondering why exactly I've lumped these two films together as one film. The truth is that Disney actually sold tickets to a double showing of these two films together in 1992. I remember as a kid I really, really wanted to see Mighty Ducks, but in buying the ticket (or, actually, my mom buying the ticket because I was 10) we got a double feature with Captain Ron. I honestly liked Captain Ron more. Although in The Mighty Duck's defense, it did have PACEY WITTER.
26. Mo' Money - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
25. Howard's End - Remember when Helena Bonham Carter used to be in films not directed by Tim Burton? Me neither.
24. Juice - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
23. Stay Tuned - A movie featuring John Ritter, satellite TV, and Satan. What more does the Academy want from a film?
22. White Men Can't Jump - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
21. Basic Instinct - Starring Sharon Stone's vagina. And, I think, other people too? Enjoy this video of Loaded Weapon 1 (the greatest Sam Jackson film ever) as my treat:
20. Glengarry Glen Ross - ALWAYS BE CLOSING. Just kidding, that's not the most important legacy of this movie. The most important legacy of this movie is that Jack Lemmon's character, Shelley "The Machine" Levene, inspired Gil Gunderson on The Simpsons. Now THAT deserves an award shaped like a nude gold man.
19. Patriot Games - Was this the best Jack Ryan film? Not really. Was Harrison Ford really too old to play Jack Ryan? Yeah, he was. Still - pretty good film though, right?
18. Passenger 57 - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
17. Encino Man - Brendan Frasier is the best. Clearly the 17th best film of the year. Clearly.
16. Reservoir Dogs - I'll admit that I've never actually seen this film. Why not put it at 16 and pretend like I have though?
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| Dat mustache tho |
15. Mr. Baseball - Tom Selleck as a washed up ball player in Japan? YASSSSSSSS.
14. My Cousin Vinny - I'd give Marisa Tomei's hot ass an award for anything, even if she didn't deserve it and if there was another name on the card. Just like what happened for My Cousin Vinny.
13. Boomerang - This film introduced the majority of the world to Halle Berry. Thank you, Boomerang. Thank you. The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism. And the fact that Eddie Murphy's career was washing out hard.
12. Chaplin - When you watch the new Spider-Man film this summer, just remember that you've seen Robert Downey Jr. and Marisa Tomei together before. Here, in Chaplin. Okay, also in Captain America: Civil War. Stop throwing technicalities at me.
11. FernGully: The Last Rainforest - Look, I'm not admitting that I'm attracted to cartoon characters. I'm just saying that Crysta is probably hotter than most actual human beings. Don't mock this movie, it was actually nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. I mean, not really. But it kind of was when it was completely remade note-for-note and called "Avatar" in 2009.
10. Malcolm X - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism.
9. Bram Stoker's Dracula - Two words: Gary Oldman.
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| Jafar = Good guy. |
7. The Bodyguard - The only reason this film didn't win awards is because of racism. And because Kevin Costner is a terrible actor. Whitney was so cute before the crack, amiright?
6. The Last of the Mohicans - Odd that this didn't just win every award this year. Usually when Daniel Day-Lewis bothers to do a film... the Academy just hands that film every gold thing that it has. Fun fact: Years later it was completely remade note-for-note and called "Avatar" in 2009. Now that's a quality throwback joke, people. I bet you thought my "because of racism" thing was going to be my only recurring joke on this list, didn't you?
5. A Few Good Men - You can't handle this ranking.
4. The Crying Game - The Black chick in this movie was so hot. ...Wait... what?
3. Miranda Richardson, All by her Damn Self - Speaking of The Crying Game, Miranda Richardson was in that film. In 1992, she was also in Enchanted April (she won the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress for a Musical or Comedy), and Damage (she won the BAFTA Award for Best Supporting Actress by defeating HERSELF, as she was also nominated for The Crying Game in the same category). 1992 was the year of Miranda Richardson. You couldn't have a great film in 1992 if she wasn't in it. If they had read out the five films nominated for best picture that year and then announced that the winner was "Miranda Richardson" despite the fact that she's an actor and not a film, most of the audience would have nodded their heads approvingly and said, "Yeah, that sounds about right."
2. Unforgiven - This was the film that ACTUALLY won the 65th Academy Award for Best Picture. It was a great film. Amazing, actually. But there was one film in 1992 that was better than it.
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| Rotten Tomatoes 60% rating MY ASS. |
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