Ed Ranks Sources of Ed Ranks Everything Web Traffic

Behold the Internet, a series of tubes.

Since this is on Blogger/Blogspot, which is run by Google, I'm able to look at a limited number of Google Analytics traffic sources for this webpage.

These are some (but not all) sources of web traffic for Ed Ranks Everything, ranked. Not ranked in order of how many hits I get, of course. But ranked by how awesome the source of web traffic is.

10. Bing - Hahaha, BING! Really? Nobody uses Bing.

9. Various Porn/Virus Bot Sites - These are not real sites, but a wide variety of fake sights which I'm assuming are just run by bots. For some reason they link have linked to my site. I'm not sure why, although they probably do this to every site. Is it all the sexy talk about royal mistresses? Who knows. Best to just never mention this again and move on. Although these virus-downloading sites are probably still better than Bing.

8. Facebook - Sometimes I whore this site from my own Facebook page, so those links are probably just coming from my Facebook friends. Nobody should be too impressed by that.

7. Instagram - Again, my Instagram profile has my website linked in the bio, so this is just me again.

6. edrankseverything.blogspot.com - Wait. This one doesn't make sense. Google says that people linking to my site are coming from my site. Well, that's pretty sad.

5. A Random Japanese Website about Nursing Careers - I assume this is a bot website too. But I'm not totally sure. Because it's in Japanese. I won't provide a link to it, because there is a good chance the site will just download viruses onto your computer. But trust me, for some reason I'm being told that a large source of web traffic has come from a Japanese site about nursing careers. Maybe these Japanese nurses are just huge fans of their fellow nurse, Jolly Jane Toppan.

4. Google.com - Google said that Google is a source of traffic. Okay. Sure. It also lets me look up what search terms were used on Google to find this site. Such search terms that people have used to get hits here have included:

• "world is the carmen sandiego patty" - Obviously someone who was looking up the name of Patty Larceny wound up finding this blog. Good for you! You clicked the right source to learn more.
• "deaths on the terra nova expedition" - Hahaha, there must be some sick fucks out there who want to know how exactly the crew of the Terra Nova expedition died, one-by-one. Those are my kind of sick fucks, because I am here to give them that info. 
• "the martians discover a sparkly number 16" - What? I have no idea what this is supposed to mean, nor which of my blogs resulted in this coming up as a Google hit. The only blogs of mine in which I even mentioned martians are when I ranked the planets, ranked deus ex machina film endings, and ranked Sesame Street Muppets (the Yip Yips). 
• *UPDATE* ... Okay, I've figured it out. The people searching this term were almost certainly searching for the Yip Yips.
• "content" - When you search for "content" my friends, Ed Ranks Everything is what you get. Just as you should.
• "all ed ranks" - Holy shit! This one is sort of making me proud. I actually think this is the only one where someone was actually searching for my site! Whoever you are, Googler, let's be friends. I'm so lonely.

3. Google.ca - This is exactly the same as above, but a little better because it's Canadians. Probably Canadians who want to know what I think about the official things of Manitoba.  Or maybe their Provinces and Territories. Whatever.

2. Reddit - I know nothing about Reddit other than the fact that the one guy from it is banging Serena Williams. If by "banging" I mean "is happily married to and has a beautiful child with." Which is of course what I mean.  Anyway, someone (or some people) has/have apparently talked about this site on Reddit before. It's not me. But I guess thank you to whoever.

1. This Janeway & Chakotay Fanfiction Romance Blog - Look, this blog has not been updated since March of 2008. There is an around zero percent chance that this is any legitimate web traffic, and it is probably the result of some bot doing something crazy. But I just want to provide everyone with a link to a romantic fanfiction blog about Janeway and Chakotay because it amuses me greatly. And here I was thinking that Kirk/Spock slash was as weird as the Internet could get. OKAY, I WAS WRONG.

  Oh, I mentioned the words "ex machina" above under #4, so by law I have to link to this again. Sorry.