Ed Ranks Countries by Whisk[e]y

This one should be relatively short and sweet. No need to overly complicate things.

Note that in the US and Ireland we spell whiskey with an "e," and everywhere else it's without. Something about launching wars to push filthy English soldiers out just makes you want that extra letter.

6. Everyone Else - Other countries make whisky too. Do I want Swedish, Danish or Indian Whisky? Not particularly... but yeah, I'll drink it if you give it to me, I guess.

5. Canada -  These are mainly blended multi-grain liquors containing a large percentage of corn spirits, despite the fact that many of them are specifically called "rye."  They're generally smoother and a bit of a pronounced caramel-taste. But let's be honest, the only time people every really drank this a lot was during prohibition when it was smuggled into the US, right?

4. Japan - Japan makes whisky that is essentially single malt Scotch but it's not allowed to be called Scotch since it's not from Scotland and only Scotland can make Scotch... ya dig? Suntory has been around for a bit and it has a wide number of varieties, including Hibiki. It's not quite a monopoly, but yeah... if you've had Japanese Whisky outside of Japan then it was probably Suntory.

3. Ireland - #3, I know... right? I feel bad saying it since  the Irish are like the KINGS of whiskey, and Irish whiskey used to be the most popular spirit in the entire world, but that's just how it is. Irish distilleries took huge hits in the 20th century that largely left Jameson as the only game in town. It's on a comeback now though - so in a few decades it might be able to rise to the top once again. Irish whiskey is smooth. Really, really, really smooth.  That's because most of it is triple distilled. By law, Irish whiskey must be  aged in wooden casks for a minimum of three years, although most of it is obviously aged for over a decade.

2. United States - Like when I had the US fall on top of the countries by beer list, the reason that America should take pride in its whiskey is because its fantastic variety. Bourbon, corn, malt, rye, and so on. But especially bourbon. Bourbon is so awesome. A lot of American whiskey is a lot harsher and sweeter than Irish whiskey, since it is typically single distilled. American whiskey is also generally aged in new charred-oak containers (except corn whiskey which isn't aged at all and which is also, by the way, filthy moonshine garbage). Still, whiskey is important enough  to America that we've had a whiskey rebellion. There are dozens and dozens and dozens of American whiskey brands out there, so you'll eventually find one you like.  What is more American than listening to the blues and having a bourbon?

Scotch. It's great. 

1. Scotland - Scottish Whisky is such an institution that it's not even called "whisky." It's just called "Scotch." The adjective for their country is also a synonym for their whisky. In fact, the adjective for their country has been supplanted by the whisky definition. If you hear the word "Scotch," chances are you think of the spirit - not of a general "having to do with Scotland." Or the tape, I guess you could be thinking of the Scotch tape. In Scotland they're generally called "malt," because calling it Scotch would just be weird there, right? Single Malt Scotch is usually double distilled (finding that nice balance between the super smooth triple-distilled and the harsher single-distilled) and are divided into five main regions: Highland, Lowland, Islay, Speyside and Campbeltown. Each region has its own flavor - for example, the Islay ones are famous for bringing on the smoke/peat flavor like a punch to your jaw.  And while there are blended varieties you might be familiar with (Johnny Walker), what you want to go for is a single malt.