I previously ranked Aerosmith albums in general.
Now I will specifically rank Aerosmith's songs on the album "Toys in the Attic."
Why?
I dunno. I just haven't written one of these in a while. And "No More No More" came on the radio the other day and I thought to myself, "Hrm Ed, they NEVER play this on the radio."
9. Uncle Salty: The story of a gross man named "Uncle Salty" (his name is Uncle Salty, so he's obviously gross) telling the singer of the song a story about a young orphan girl who became a prostitute and turns 3-penny tricks for sailors and cries at night. Wow. Depressing.
8. Round and Round: Weird and funky, but also super over-produced with sound effects. Pass.
7. Adam's Apple: Decent song with some cool rhymes and good wordplay. I mean right from the beginning we start with "Back when Cain was able." Still, a bunch of weird bible analogies in a song that I'm sure was all about sex. Aren't all Aerosmith songs about sex?
6. You See Me Crying: I know, ranking this above some of the others DOES seem like a crime, doesn't it? If anything, this isn't a funky, groovy 70's Aerosmith song... it's more like a slow, piano-ey 70's Meatloaf song (I'd say RIP Meatloaf, but he was an antivaxer "independent thinker" in the end, so whatever). However, I think it sort of was ahead of its time in that it almost acts like a prelude to the hair metal ballads that would come a decade later. I dunno. Personal opinion. You'll just have to live with this ranking.
5. No More No More: Solid song. Hearing it, and thinking it was a weird song that didn't get much radio play, is what inspired the list. I thought to myself "Why play this? It's only like the 5th best song on the album." That initial thought was correct, as I am indeed ranking it at #5. No offense to this song though. The only reason I rank this song here in the middle is because the top 4 are real bangers. That's a term people use, right? Bangers?
4. Big 10-Inch Record: I understand, and accept, that this song is stupid and juvenile. I recognize that it does not have the skill, technique and mastery of some of the songs above it. It's a cheesy dick joke song, in the category of AC/DC's Big Balls and Van Halen's Ice Cream Man. These songs aren't double entedres. They are basically single entendres. To those criticisms... I still say that 10-year-old me loves the stupidity of these types of songs.
3. Toys in the Attic: The eponymous song that named the record is the third best song on the album. On most band's albums, this type of song would and could easily be a top hit. But on this album, with who legendary songs, it never had a chance to shine like it could have.
2. Walk this Way: When I was growing up, this would have probably been listed as Ed's #1 song of the album. I mean the drum beat itself is probably one of the most iconic in rock history. It's probably just a notch or two below the drum beat from Queen's "We Will Rock You" drum beat. But I was a child of the 80's, so when I'm thinking of Walk This Way, I'm really unduly influencing my opinion of it with the cover / remake of it from Run-DMC’s 1986 Raising Hell. That version blew up Walk This Way into something bigger than it had ever been before and made the beat as legendary as it became. If we're just talking about the 1975 Toys in the Attic album version itself... yeah... maybe it's just #2 on the album.
1. Sweet Emotion: Great song. Often thought of as Aerosmith's "signature song." Debatable, but okay. It's up there, for sure. That statement might be correct. They obviously knew how good it was from the beginning because it was their first single from the album. And when it got huge, "Dream On" from their first album (now a few years old) even hit the charts again. This song was before the MTV video era, so Aerosmith re-released it again in 1991 with a music video and it charted yet again. Not bad for a little diddy that was written mostly about Steven Tyler hating the shit out of Joe Perry's wife.
