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| Sonorna Dogs will be ranked. I promise you that! |
Hey, it's summer! Let's talk about the perfect summer food... hotdogs! Well, actually hotdogs are the perfect food any time of the year. Hooray for tubed meat.
There is no way I'm going to ever put "all" the American hotdog variations up on here. There are
waaaay too many. Even when narrowing down a list of all of the "most famous" variations, people can't agree on what some of the actual variations are. So, a couple of philosophical statements on hotdogs from me:
- Take something as simple as a "Coney Island" hotdog. Think it comes from Coney Island? Well, maybe it does, but several people will probably get into a stupid fight arguing that it "really" came from Indiana instead, or Michigan. And then there are other "Coney Island" varieties specifically from Detroit (rather than Michigan in general), Flint, Jackson, Kalamazoo, Minnesota, Ohio, Texas, etc. When we get into something stupid like those disagreements, just ignore it. Basically, they're all just goddamn chili dogs anyway. And that's how I'll rank them.
- Take also, for example, something allegedly called an "Italian Hot Dog" popular in New Jersey. In fact, this means nothing and nearly every place that sells such a thing does it completely differently, with different ingredients and preparations. Some say it's on "pizza bread," others say it's on an Italian sandwich
bun. Some deep fry it. Others don't. The toppings are typically things
like fried onions and bell peppers (like what would go on an Italian beef sandwich), but not necessarily only those. Some
throw French fries or other fried potatoes on it. Others' don't. To be honest, it's not actually "a thing," but instead a loose collection of Jersey-fied, bastardized ideas about making something "Italian." And speaking of shitty New Jersey things, a "Ripper" isn't a unique hotdog "style" either, though some lists will include it. It's just a hotdog, thrown in a fryer (like it's not supposed to be because it's in a casing), so it "rips" apart and gets all sorts of crinkles in it. Big freakin deal!
- I'm not going "hyper local" on any of this. A variation can be a variation if it's notable and famous enough to be well-known. Just because some small chain or one location has its own "style," perhaps with copycats or competitors in the area who make the same thing, doesn't mean it's a notable variation. Having someone's food blog mention it (or citing a a Wikipedia article) doesn't necessarily make it notable enough for me either. Does your local city have it's own "super awesome" variety? I don't care.
- Also, a particular type of meat doesn't make a hotdog make something a notable variety either. Some people will talk about "Alaska Dogs" or "Reindeer Dogs" from Alaska. But an Alaska variety isn't special because it sometimes uses reindeer (or actually caribou) meat in
its dogs. You'll need more than that to make it a "variation" without
adding some special, unique ingredients, toppings and preparations to the process.
- A scrambled dog is not a hotdog, it is an abomination before God. Let us never speak of it again.
I was initially going to rank US "regional" hotdog styles, but the fact that so many different regions claim identical things are "theirs" complicates things. Some of these will indeed be regional, and have regional names, but not all. Anyway, I'll rank 20 of these tubed meats and call it a day.
20. Denver Dog - Barely making the notability cut, a dog with red onions,
green chili sauce, sour cream, and sliced jalapeños. Almost a
Seattle-Style Dog, but not quite. Honestly, if 20 wasn't a nice, even
number, I might have left this one out. I'm not hating on the ingredients, which sound fine, but this is almost a Seattle Dog and fails to make the cut with many who talk about regional dog styles.
19. Maine Red Snapper - Another one that barely counts, but it seems to be
famous enough for many to talk about it and include it, so I guess I
will. The hotdog's casing is red, so it looks really red. People also
talk about how there is a nice "snap" to it, as if that
is special. Practically any hotdog or sausage with a natural casings don't also have a snap to them (including others on this list). In the end, this is less of a style and more of a
"we added red food coloring."
18. "Baltimore" Bologna - I'll begrudgingly add this to the list, because for
some reason it does seem that the SUPPOSED practice of wrapping hotdogs
in Bologna does seem to have become notable enough for people to
frequently talk about it. I can tell you though, normal people in
Maryland don't eat this on any sort of regular basis in the same way
that a Chicagoan actually eats a Chicago dog. What is it? It's all in
the name. Someone wraps bologna (which is basically already just a flat
hotdog) around a wiener. Sometimes a pickle is involved too. Some
people also claim a "Crab Mac & Cheese" hotdog is also a
"Baltimore" or "Maryland" regional style, but it is 100% fucking NOT.
It's a gimmick at Camden Yards, which other people copied and is not
something that normal human beings consume other than for gimmicky
purposes. Hey, and speaking of gimmicky baseball park hotdogs...
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| Oh look. It's longer than the bun. Must be a kookie variation! |
17. Dodger Dog - I debated as to whether this one counted or not. I guess
I'll let it in. It's really just a looooong, plain hotdog on a bun.
Nothing too original or ground breaking. All things considered, this is
fairly boring. Yeah, you can put the standard tippings on it. Of all the "ballpark" hotdogs, this is the most famous.
And don't think that just because the Dodger Dog is listed here that the
"Fenway Frank" should also be on here. Throwing some Boston Beans on a
hotdog at the park doesn't make it a notable regional style. A Fenway
Frank would go into the "hyper local" thing I was talking about earlier,
as well as into a "try hard" category of things that WANT to be
regional styles, but aren't. The Atlanta Braves also want "Atlanta dogs"
to be a thing, but they never will be a thing.
16. Bagel Dog - Another one that has no specific region (although I'm sure
New Yorkers will claim it as "theirs" as they do with a lot of things). A
hotdog wrapped in bagel dough (often Everything Bagel style) and baked
that way. A cousin to pigs in a blanket, but I'll go ahead and say it
is a "hotdog" even though I do not count either pigs in a blanket nor
corn dogs among the ranks. Perfectly delicious, but also not "hotdog-ey" enough for it to climb the rankings too high.
15. Kansas
City Dog - Similar to a Reuben in hotdog form. Take your dog and bun
(typically a sesame seed bun), and put on sauerkraut and melt some Swiss
cheese. No Russian Dressing need be applied, though brown mustard is
certainly allowable. It sounds just... okay. I mean stick to BBQ when
you're in Kansas City, folks.
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| Ah, the good ol' hot dog cart. |
14. Dirty Water Dog - You could also call this a basic "New
York" Dog, and argue that this isn't a variety at all. This is the
"control" or "plain" of hotdogs, to which all other hotdogs are
compared. It's sitting in the cart on the street of New York City (in
salty, hot water, hence the name), and the guy at the cart puts on non-ambitious
ingredients like mustard, relish, onions, sauerkraut, etc. "Sabrett" is
probably the most famous brand of these, though I'm not talking about brands
here. If you're boiling hotdogs in a pot in your kitchen, you're
basically making one of these. Yes, this is "plain," but sometimes you just want a plain hotdog.
13. Hot Wiener - Sometimes confusingly called the "New York System," I
won't call it that, because it's actually from Rhode Island instead of
New York. As with the Coney Dog, people elsewhere simply chose a name
evocative of New York, given the city's strong association with weenies.
The name "hot wiener" itself also isn't ideal, because basically all
hotdogs are hot, aren't they? The Hot Wiener comes dangerously close to
simply being yet another Coney Dog (aka Chili Dog), although it has what is called
"meat sauce" instead of "chili." Beyond that, it's got the same chopped
onions and mustard on it that is typical for hotdogs, and often also
with a sprinkle of celery salt. The not-quite chili "meat sauce" is also
not-quite as good as chili.
12. Memphis Dog - Memphis, like the previously mentioned Kansas City, is famous for their BBQ. Although unlike KC, they learned a lesson from that and that's exactly why a
Memphis-Style Dog could also really just be called a "BBQ Dog." These are bacon-wrapped hotdogs with BBQ sauce on them. Sometimes also things
like a sprinkle of cheese and green onions. This one almost doesn't make
the cut of notability, but it's hard to say no to bacon. Ingredient and taste-wise, this could rank higher. But given the lack of notability, I have to skew it down a little to a modest 12th place.
11. Polish Boy - Cincinnati varieties of food are really bad in general, but
their Ohio rival of Cleveland does things much better, or at least they do as I
talk about their Polish Boy hotdog. It's a kielbasa (technically falling
outside of the true "hotdog" category and venturing into "sausage"
territory, but like the half-smoke that I'll discuss soon, I'll allow it due to it being a less
course grind that's
almost a hotdog) placed in a bun, and covered with
a layer of french fries, a layer of barbecue sauce (or hot sauce), and a
layer of coleslaw. Most of the time it's grilled, though some will fry
it. Grilling is the way to go though. Too many people fry a hotdog and think that makes it a special variety. No, it means you're fat, fatso.
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| This, but in two dozen barely different varieties. |
10. Chili Dog / Coney Dog - In my introduction, I talked a little bit about
the "Coney Island Hotdog" problem. In the end, there are likely 400 different
"Coney Island" dogs that are all basically Chili Dogs, because in the
early days of hotdogs, Coney Island, NY was famous for hotdogs and a
"Coney" became a generic word for any hotdog in general. Somewhere along the line (to which there is great debate), it got specifically linked with dumping chili, cheese, and other fixin's on them. All of the
various "regional varieties" of Coney Dogs that I mentioned in the intro go here. There are also things that I haven't specifically
mentioned, such as the "Michigan Red Hot" (which is ironically from New
York rather than Michigan, in an odd reversal considering that the most
famous Coney Island dogs are from Michigan instead of New York), a
"Texas Dog" (there are multiple hotdogs called "Texas Dogs," but
basically most of them are chili dogs, the supposedly unique "Cincinnati
Dog" (which uses its own gross, disgusting Cincinnati-style chili with
nasty bullshit like cinnamon in it). Arguably, some other dogs that
also have chili in them (half smokes, Carolina / WV style, as I'll mention soon) could also be
called "chili" dogs, although I think there are enough unique things
about them added on to separate them from the multitude of others. To be honest, this is actually linked pretty high for where I think it belongs, taste-wise. Coney Island / Chili dogs are just okay to me. Not great. A little too sloppy and I don't think a dog needs chili on it.
9. Half-Smoke - One of Washington DC's only notable food contributions to the world (beyond Mambo sauce, though people from Chicago will try to claim it). This famous dog is really something that's
half-way between a hotdog and a sausage. I'm not ranking sausages,
but I'll let this slide. All hotdogs are sausages, but not all sausages are hotdogs. It's
sort of a hotdog, just more coarsely
ground, but not quite as course as something like a brat. Nobody can
agree on what "half-smoke" even means, with at least 4 different
theories. The most popular is that it's half-beef, half-pork, and
smoked. Anyway, this thing has chili and onions thrown on top of it.
It's different enough (with the unique tubed meat, rather than any ol'
dog) to not simply fall under the "chili dog" category, especially since
there is no cheese added like there is with most chili dogs. In the end, I'll rank this slightly above the Chili / Coney dog because the thicker, smoky and sometimes slightly spicy (though not
really spicy) tubed meat in this is better than the normal, skinny hotdog that goes on chili dogs.
8. Carolina Style - The Carolina-style hotdog is pretty much yet another simple
take on the aforementioned Chili Dog, although the difference is that it adds on coleslaw (and onions, though onions should already be on a Chili Dog) atop the chili and
the hotdog. Often mustard too, I suppose (but again, that should already be on a Coney Dog). Sometimes people also talk about a
"West Virginia" dog (also called an "Appalachian" Dog) and claim that
there is a difference. If there is, it is so minor that it's not worth
noting. Perhaps "Slaw Dog" would be the more important name, but I know
them as Carolina Dogs. Sorry West Virginia. You're not special at anything. Anyway, like I said, Coney Dogs / Chili Dogs aren't my favorite, but adding some coleslaw at least mixes it up a little.
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| Seems like a natural color for onions to turn. |
7. Papaya Dog - Despite what the name sounds like, this New York
City-style hotdog has no papaya on it, but was instead initially sold by a chain
that had Papaya in its name. It's bordering on the "hyper local"
category, but became famous enough to go beyond it, as a trip to have a
"New York" hotdog either refers to having a Dirty Water Dog (talked
about before) or this. This is likely the slightly classier cousin to a Dirty Water Dog. So what is this, if it doesn't have papaya on
it? Sauerkraut, mustard, and an "onion sauce." The onion sauce is
really what makes it (sort of) unique, although in the end this is a fairly
standard hotdog. Again though, if you want an iconic hotdog (even if it might be somewhat "plain"), this is the way to go.
6. Texas Tommy - Not from Texas at all, the Texas
Tommy is from Philly (or technically the suburbs of Philadelphia, if you
want to be entirely accurate), and is cut in half, has cheese stuffed
in it (Cheez-Whiz, typically in Philly... though cheddar and Velveeta
are also used), and is then wrapped back up with bacon. Yes. Bacon and
processed cheese! This sounds like it's amazing! Closely related to the
"Danger Dog," but different enough to be singled out. The difference is that a Texas Tommy doesn't have to be fried (and honestly, I think of them as grilled), while Danger Dogs are. It might be close to being "too" local, but it seems to have become famous enough on its own, as it appears on menus outside of the Philly area.
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| Bacon. Hot Peppers. YEEAAAHHH! |
5. Danger Dog - Another reason I mentioned that these are simple
"variations" instead of "regional styles" is because ideas like the
Danger Dog. In its heart, the Danger Dog (though it has many names) is a
bacon-wrapped, fried hotdog. Okay. So you have my attention, as well
as the unending fear of my arteries. However, sometimes they are also
called "Tijuana" Dogs (though they're likely more Californian than Tijuana, though they may have been inspired by something from
Mexico), and in Chicago something that is very similar is called the
"Francheezie." Similar dogs are also the "Jersey Breakfast" dog and the
"Mission" dog (from SF). As with its bacon-ey cousin, the Texas Tommy, cheese is
typically involved too. However, the Danger Dog also loads up on
spiciness with hot peppers (or sometimes less-spicy poblano peppers, and other
stuff like mayo, grilled onions, mustard, ketchup. The "danger"
presumably comes from the fact that they are made of suspect meat, sold on
street carts, with heart-clogging goodness like fried bacon and mayo
mixed in with indigestion-causing chilis. Obviously the Chicago and
Jersey versions of it lack the spice and use other toppings, though the
"Mission" style from San Francisco is almost always with jalapeños.
What's not to like?
4. Sonoran Dog - Ingredient-wise, this one is quite complicated. This is a bacon-wrapped (YES!!!) hotdog in a bolillo (a Central American bread, sort of like a mini-baguette). Is a baguette too big to put a hod dog in? Yes, which is why that bread is also filled with a ton of other things like pinto beats, green chili peppers, onions, tomatoes, relish, tomatillo salsa, mayo, mustard and cheddar. Once this huge thing is full, you're left with a massive feast. Nice. Plus, you know, bacon and the actual dog in there somewhere. I have zero problems with any of these ingredients. The only problem with this one is it might actually be
too much.
3. Puka Dog / Huly Dog / Hawaiian-Style - An amazing creation using Hawaiian sweetbread (which is sort of Portuguese sweet bread in truth) instead of a bun,
hollowing that bread out to make a hole, and then sliding/jamming the hotdog in
the hole along with other (often "tropical") ingredients like a special mustard (often guava or passonfruit) along with a fruity, non-pickle "relish" (pineapple, mango, coconut, papaya, etc). The hotdog is also often more like a
Polish kielbasa too, meaning that like with some others it's only a
borderline "hotdog" rather than a sausage, but I couldn't not include
this one because it's so damned good. Plus it's always called a "dog," which means it's a dog, damnit.
2. Seattle-Style - Another iconic and unique hotdog, deserving of a
high place in the rankings. In this case... #2! Take a hotdog and bun, put on cream cheese,
grilled/sauteed onions, and jalapeño peppers, and you have a
Seattle-Style Dog. From there, you can add additional ingredients (like
mustard, sriracha, BBQ sauce, sauerkraut, etc), however the holy trinity
of cream cheese, onions and grilled jalapeños must never be interfered
with, or it ain't Seattle-Style. I don't know why this works so well, but it does. Cream cheese and sliced jalapeños seemed like interesting choices for a hotdog the first time I heard about them. But if you asked me to have a Seattle-Style Dog or a Coney / Chili Dog ten times in a row, I'd choose Seattle-Style all ten times without getting tired of it yet.
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| The relish might be radioactive fallout. But still. |
1. Chicago-Style - One of the most iconic (yet difficult to eat) that there is. Why difficult to eat? Because there is so much damn stuff on it. First of all, if there is no poppy seed bun, then it's
not a Chicago Dog. Then, somehow, you find a way to stuff between the buns a pickle, onions, tomato, relish (often of an unnatural glowing green color), hot "sport" peppers, and dash on some celery salt. A Sonora Dog at least used a larger bun to fit in all of its madness, while the Chicago Dog tries to stuff all of this in a somewhat normal-sized bun. You're going to need to open your mouth wide for this... and still expect a mess after. This gets #1 because it's both tasty and super iconic.
