Ed Ranks the Spice Girls

Is this ranking what you really, really want?

Hey! It's the Spice Girls! Let's rank them!

5. Baby - Emma Bunton is the generic blonde of the Spice Girls. Whatever. She was also the last hired (she replaced someone named Abigail Kis, who in turn replaced someone named Michelle Stephenson). She's like the Ringo Starr of the Spice Girls. Sorry, I just call it like I see it.

4. Ginger - I'll admit that the Union Jack Dress was pretty awesome. Everyone was crazy about Geri Halliwell back in the day. Everyone thought she was the hottest and the sexiest and the best. She obviously thought it herself, because her definition of "Girl Power" quickly devolved when she abandoned the others to launch a own solo career.

3. Sporty - Mel C is, as her name implies, exactly one grade behind Mel B.

2. Scary - Mel B could almost be #1 in this ranking, but she falls just short. She's certainly gone on to have a pretty impressive career after the Spice Girls (probably the most impressive, with appearances in dozens of TV competition shows as a presenter or judge). Does having a kid with Eddie Murphy also count as a career attribute?

1. Posh

I'm not going to lie to you, Victoria Beckham might have been the musically least talented of the Spice Girls. Just re-watch one of the old music videos, and see her always hidden in the back and sitting at the kids table when it was time to sing. But let's not pretend that she wasn't the hottest, nor that upgrading from Victoria Adams to Victoria BECKHAM was the ultimate upgrade. She has had a pretty good career as a TV presenter/judge herself, and has also become a notable fashion designer. Not that I care about fashion. I just like really like Posh. NUMBER ONE!

Ed Ranks Synods by Name

It's Synod Time, BABY!

Oh hallo! There are some different definitions of what the word "synod" means. It roughly translates (via Greek) into the word "council," but beyond that is open to interpretation (especially with how it's used with regard to religious gatherings). In some cases, it refers to major ecumenical councils to decide important matters of dogma and doctrine. In other cases, it refers to smaller or specific religious decisions, such as ecclesiastic trials. In other cases still, rather than referring to a a specific group or meeting that happens at one point in time, it refers to a standing governing body (like a parliament). Sometimes the word is used to describe an entire church that is governed by such a standing body.

I'm not going to be specific about which of these various definitions I'm using, as I'll float between them all. As long as something is called a "synod" by someone, I'm going to put it here, so long as I believe it worthy as one of the  top 10 synods OF ALL TIME [Kanye Voice] by how cool it's name is. So while the Second Ecumenical Imperial Synod (aka First Ecumenical Council of Constantinople) might have been an important meeting that revised the Nicaean Creed and made key decisions about Macedonianism, Apollinarians, Eunomians, Eudoxians, Sabellians, Marcellians, and Photinians... it's name, First Council/Synod of Constantinople, is pretty boring.

10. Synod of Orange

• What I think it was: A gathering of the owners of Florida orange orchards, who met to discuss the increasing competition from the orange industries of Brazil, Spain, and California. In a side discussion to the main debates, they also declared Sunny-D anathema.
• What it was: The Second Council (Synod) of Orange was held in 529, largely to affirm the previous theology of Augustine of Hippo, but also to condemned the various beliefs of Pelagianism (e.g. humans are unaffected by Adam's sin, a person’s move towards God can begin without grace, and so on).

Is this not the Synod of Elvira?

9. Synod of Elvira

• What I think it was: A late night TV block on basic cable, hosted by Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, which aired classic horror films, occasionally interrupted by commentary from Elvira as the show broke to (and came back from) commercial.
• What it was: An early ecclesiastical synod held in the early 300's that came up with 81 canons including imposing celibacy on clergy,  forbidding the use of images in churches, restricting former pagan priests from becoming Christian priests, etc.

8. General Synod of the Church of England

• What I think it was: A powerful military commander, appointed by Henry VIII soon after the break of the Church of England from the Catholic Church. His name was Synod, and he was the Bishop of... uhh... let's just say Gloucester, but also a fierce warrior. In 1542, General Synod led English Forces at the Battle of Solway Moss against the Catholic armies of Scottish King James V.
• What it is: The tricameral deliberative and legislative organ of the Church of England, first instituted in 1970.

7. Synod of Worms

• What I think it was: A gathering of various worms, who all agreed that they should all stop going out onto sidewalks when there is a rainfall. Worms always creep out onto sidewalks after it rains. Then it stops raining and the sun comes out. Most of the worms are crushed by people walking over them, while many more simply dry out in the hot sun. It's terrible, really, and worms agreed that they needed to stop doing it. Alas, the Synod failed, and so worms still do that dumb shit to this day.
• What it was: An ecclesiastical synod and Imperial diet convened by German king (and Holy Roman Emperor-elect) Henry IV in 1076. Henry's intent was to condemn Pope Gregory VII, which started the Investiture Controversy and 50 years of civil war in the HRE between church and state. 

Photo taken at the Earthquake Synod.

6. Earthquake Synod

• What I think it was: A powerful meeting of the Legion of Doom, led by Lex Luthor. The Legion agrees to hire the B-Team mercenary villains "the Masters of Disaster," so that their member, Mudslide, can use his powers of Geokinesis (earth control) to create earthquakes to destroy Metropolis.
• What it was: A 1382 gathering in Blackfriars, London, led by the Archbishop of Canterbury, with the purpose of condemning the heretical teachings of  John Wycliffe's twenty-four theses, and also sort out some other issues related to transubstantiation.

5. Synod of Hippo

• What I think it was: A gathering of a pod of hippos at the St. Louis Zoo in 2002. They were tired of being fed stupid hay all the time, and agreed to kill all the zookeepers in order to steal their delicious fruit and melons. They succeeded, and now a pod of escaped killer hippos still roams the Mississippi River to this day, seeking fools who dare to picnic on its banks.
• What it was: A 393 council of bishops, sometimes including Augustine of Hippo, which for the first time listed and approved a Christian Biblical canon that mostly corresponds to the books we recognize today as the Old and New Testaments.

Fucking Monophysites, AM I RIGHT?!

4.  Synod (Council) of Chalcedon

• What I think it was: I have no idea, but I have to admit that the word "Chalcedon" sounds super cool. I'm sure it's just the name of some city, but it definitely sounds like some meeting that happened in some high fantasy novel. If you told me that the "Council of Chalcedon" was the meeting that created the Fellowship of the Ring, I would believe you 100%.  
  
• What it was: More commonly known as the "Council of Chalcedon" (or the "Fourth Ecumenical Imperial Synod"), this is the only one of the famous First Seven Ecumenical Councils that makes the cut. It affirmed canons of previous three Imperial Synods as well as the completeness of the two natures of the Lord Jesus Christ: divinity and humanity (perfect God and perfect man). It also condemned Eutyches and Dioscorus, Monophysitism, Nestorianism, and simony.

3. Lutheran Synod of Buffalo

• What I think it was: Look, I know you're getting tired of me picking cities that share the names of animals, and pretending that these synods are meetings of animals, but we have one more of these to go, and this is it. So stick with me here. I believe that this was a meeting of Lutheran Bison who, extremely upset by Catholic practices of indulgences and using "tradition" (rather than scripture alone) as a holy authority, decided to nail up 95 Theses around their pastures.
• What it was: The body of faith for a group of Lutheran Emigrants from Prussia, founded in 1845 (in Buffalo, as well as Milwaukee), but eventually merging into the American Lutheran Church in 1930. 

Nothing in Game of Thrones is crazier than actual history.

2.  Cadaver Synod

• What I think it was: I actually already knew what it was, because it's like the most awesome story in all of the history of religion.
• What it was: The the posthumous ecclesiastical trial of Pope Formosus in 897. After his death, the rival Pope Stephen VI had Formosus' corpse DUG UP AND BROUGHT TO TRIAL. Stephen accused Formosus of perjury and of having acceded to the papacy illegally.  Formosus was found guilty and his papacy retroactively declared to have never happened. His corpse was then thrown in the Tiber River. The The macabre spectacle of a pope digging up a dead pope a putting him on trial, of course, turned public opinion against Stephen. Soon after, Stephen himself was deposed, arrested, and strangled to death in prison. After, the new pope, Theodore II, annulled the Cadaver Synod, rehabilitated Formosus, recovered his body from the Tiber River, and reburied him properly. Over the next few years, successor rival popes would take turns either reaffirming Formosus and condemning Stephen, or reaffirming Stephen and condemning Formosus. Because the Catholic Church in medieval times was basically two pretty high school cliques who constantly fought for social dominance against one another.

RIP Czar Ron Jeremy, you had a good run.

1. The All-Joking, All-Drunken Synod of Fools and Jesters

• What I think it was: HOLY SHIT, I CAN'T EVEN GUESS WHAT THIS MIGHT BE! BUT I WANT TO FIND OUT RIGHT NOW!
• What it was: A social club founded by Czar Peter the Great of Russia with his closest friends, centered almost exclusively around drinking and partying. Initially founded as "The Jolly Company," it eventually transformed into its Synod form as it "proceeded to more organized buffoonery and masquerades," and amped up its activities mocking religious practices. It created several rituals, ceremonies, and commandments for the group based on the Russian Orthodox Church's activities, but all of which primarily involved heavy drinking. Although the whole thing was mostly a joke that Peter came up with as a teenager, he never abandoned it and it continued for the rest of his life. It angered many Orthodox Russians, who believed their own czar to be the antichrist reborn due to his mocking of religion.

Ed Ranks Mythological Korean Creatures

If that description is not enough to interest you, then why bother trying to write anything else here? These are 10 things that a Korean might find hidden under their house that would be freakier than that housekeeper's husband in Parasite. Oh, sorry. Was that a spoiler?

So hot!

10. Ungnyeo

• Western Equivalent: Reverse Callisto?
• Description: In Greek Myth, Callisto was a woman who turned into a bear. The Ungnyeo is a bear that turned into a woman.
• Powers/Activities: No real "powers" per-se, but a tiger and bear wanted to become humans and asked their god, Hwanung, to make it happen. So the god gave them garlic and mugwort and told them not to go into the sun for 100 days. The tiger said "fuck it" and gave up after 20 days. The bear succeeded, and got to be a pretty girl. Awww!
• Weirdest Fact: The ancient Korean word for "bear" also means "hole," and, indirectly "vulva." Even in English the "gnyeo" doesn't seem that unlike "gyno." So yeah, this whole myth comes from the strange fact that Koreans associates bears with vaginas.

9. Inmyeonjo

• Western Equivalent: Harpies
• Description:  A bird wit ha freaky human face, although unlike Greek harpies, Inmyeonjo can have either female or male faces (but are mostly still female).
• Powers/Activities: They are mainly associated with longevity, and are quite often depicted on ancient Korean tomb murals. Not surprisingly, this bird-person is also supposed to represent a connection between the sky (birds) and earth (people).
• Weirdest Fact: The weirdest fact about these creatures is probably recent, and related to all these Internet memes after the 2018 Winter Olympics.

This + Divine Power

8. Samjokgu

• Western Equivalent: The dog on the cover of the 1995 eponymous album "Alice in Chains"
• Description: A three-legged dog.
• Powers/Activities: The descriptions of the dog's powers are usually typically vague, such as "having divine powers to fight evil." In some myths, they have the power to detect other creatures disguised as humans (like Kumiho, see below), reveal them, and defeat them in battle with their crazy divine three-legged dog strength.
• Weirdest Fact: Everything about them that's weird is already described in the powers/activities section. Not too much more interesting factoids about these good doggos.  

Look at its cute little Dragon Ball.

7. Yong

• Western Equivalent: Dragons
• Description: These are pretty similar to the Chinese and Japanese dragons, but are Korean. Unlike western dragons, they're long and snake-like. They have beards too!
• Powers/Activities: Also unlike western dragons, Korean dragons are mostly benevolent beings associated with water, wilderness, and agriculture. So they're more like gods than creatures.
• Weirdest Fact: Sometimes they are depicted as carrying around powerful orbs. Or to be more exact with what you anime nerds want me to say: Dragon Balls. Yes, Yong are basically Shenron.

6. Bulgae

• Western Equivalent: Sköll (a wolf in Norse myth that chases the sun)
• Description: Bul-Gae literally means "fire dog." No, this is not a dog that works with firemen. It is not a Dalmation. These are dogs on fire. That's it. Hounds that are ablaze! Pretty nice, huh?
• Powers/Activities: These powerful fire doggos like to chase the sun and the moon (as does the aforementioned Norse Sköll). Usually the sun is too hot and the moon is too cold, so when the dogs catch them they have an "owie!" in their mouth and let go. But also sort of like Goldilocks, sometimes the sun or moon is just right and the doggo can hold onto it for a little bit. When this happens, a little bite gets taken out of the sun or moon. And that, my friends, is called an eclipse. 
• Weirdest Fact: Is the fact that a dog made out of fire biting the sun is how eclipses are caused not already weird enough for you? Enjoy that weird fact and ask no more! Now you're just being greedy.

OoOoOooOoooo!

5. Gwisin

• Western Equivalent: Ghosts
• Description: This one is a pretty close 1 to 1 for the ghosts you're familiar with. They are the spirits of dead people, remaining in this world. You know, semi-transparent and floating in the air. Korean Caspers.
• Powers/Activities: Again, this is pretty similar to what most people already think about ghosts. They only hang around in this world to complete some act that was unfulfilled in life, and once that is complete, they can go to rest. They can use their semi-invisibility in order to pull all sorts of pranks and stuff. Exactly the plot of Beetlejuice. 
• Weirdest Fact: Some of them don't want to fulfill whatever they didn't finish in life, and prefer to stick around haunting people. According to legend, these ghosts get stronger and stronger as they hang around haunting us. CREEPY!

4. Bulgasari

• Western Equivalent: Chimera, by means of Pinocchio.
• Description: A mix-and-match creature, made up of various other animals. Versions differ a little, but for the most part it has the body of a bear, the nose (trunk) of an elephant, eyes of a rhino, legs of a tiger, and tail of a cow. Freaky!
• Powers/Activities: Bulgasari was initially a small little thing, made by a man out of rice. But then a man (sometimes a monk) causes the creature to comes alive and it starts eating everything made out of iron. This creature loves it some iron, and keeps getting bigger and bigger by eating more tasty metal. All of Korea tries to kill it, but they really can't, because it's name roughly translates to something like "Impossible to Kill." Which is a good name!
• Weirdest Fact: There are different versions of how "Impossible to Kill" was eventually killed, but the best (and weirdest) is that a monk put an amulet on it, which made it puke out all the iron until it shrunk back into nothing.

Just a picture of the awesome hat!

3. Jeosung Saja

• Western Equivalent: The Grim Reaper
• Description: The name translates to "Afterlife Messenger," and this is the personification of death. But Jeosung Saja isn't a skeleton with a scythe. Instead, it wears all black clothes and, famously, a black hat called a "gat," which is sort of like a Korean version of a pilgrim hat, but to the extreme.
• Powers/Activities: Again - same-same, but different. It guides the recently departed down the road to the afterlife.
• Weirdest Fact: In the Myth of General Sinui, a general trying to cheat death planted a bunch of orange trees, because Jeosung Saja can't cross them. This basically means if you plant orange trees completely around yourself, YOU WILL NEVER DIE. Looks like Linus Pauling might have been secretly Korean.

Behold the menace of... roof tile!

2. Dokkaebi

• Western Equivalent: Goblins
• Description:  This one is surprisingly hard to say, with descriptions ranging from "fearsome" to "roof tiles." They can also take the form of other things, such as inanimate objects. So for all I know all those fans killing people in Korea are just Dokkaebi disguised as fans.
• Powers/Activities: They can possess inanimate objects, often act as simple pranksters/tricksters (but sometimes are seen as good creatures who punish people for acting bad, or bad creatures who cause fires and pestilence), and can wear magical hats that make them invisible. If you can already turn into any inanimate object you want, turning invisible seems superfluous. They also can bring people great fortune (like good harvests for farmers, or good catches for fishermen).
• Weirdest Fact: They like to randomly challenge passers-by to wrestling matches in order to allow them to pass. Which is like Galdalf saying "Thou Shall Not Pass!!!... Unless you beat me at Wrestlemania, Macho Man!)

Prepare to be SEDUCED!

1. Kumiho

• Western Equivalent: "Shapeshifters" is probably too general. Werewolves might be as close as we're going to get to something specific, but this is a bit different. See more below!
• Description: Kumiho are foxes with nine tails that can shapeshift into other things (usually beautiful women). So they're like foxes (instead of wolves) and are mostly foxes naturally that briefly turn into people (rather than people who briefly turn to wolves).
• Powers/Activities: Unlike other Korean mythological creatures which can be good, bad or neutral, Kumiho are almost universally depicted as evil Why do these foxes transform into beautiful women? To seduce men so that they can murder them and eat their hearts or livers! Hooray!
• Weirdest Fact: Kumiho can't fully transform into humans, and always have some hidden "foxy" thing left about them. So my dudes, if you're about to score with a really hot chick out of your league, you might want to check for a tail (or nine tails) when you check out that ass. Or avoid Furrie Conventions. Because that might not be a costume. 

Ed Ranks Girl Scout Cookies

A better pyramid than those lame ones in Egypt.

It's Girl Scout Cookie season! Let's rank them cookies! And before you say to me "What the hell, I've never heard of that one!" -  a quick disclaimer. There is not actually one company that makes Girl Scout Cookies, but two! They are ABC Bakers and Little Brownie Bakers. Sometimes they have different names for the same cookie, or the same name for different cookies, or simply only one of the two makes the cookie and it might not be available in your area. It's confusing. Just shut up and eat them and pretend it's for a good cause, rather than you just being a fat ass.

12. Shortbread / Trefoils - These two may go by different names, but they are the same thing. They are basis, shortbread cookies with nothing else. No chocolate. No peanut butter. No caramel. Nothing. Even someone who is really, really bad at baking could make these things at home. Why even bother with these?

11. Lemon-Ups - This one is new in 2020, and just from Little Brownie Bakers. So you'll be forgiven if you haven't heard of it. It's similar to Lemonades, but not quite the same cookie with a different name. They have "motivational" phrases put on them, so they're sort of like those Valentines heart candies, but in cookie form. Eh.

10. Lemonades - These are the older and more classic of the two lemon cookies, but it's still just a boring lemon-glazed cookie.

9. Thanks-a-Lot - A pretty basic shortbread cookie, but with one side dipped in fudge. Nothing too special about this.

These are okay.

8. Thin Mints - YES! CONTROVERSIAL CHOICE! Thin Mints all the way down here. Thin Mints are the quintessential Girl Scout Cookie, and by far the most popular (25% of all Girl Scout Cookies purchased are Thin Mints). They are also the only of the cookies which both companies use the exact same name. They are visibly a bit different though, as the ones from ABC are a bit more "polished" and clean looking, while the Little Brownie ones are a like more rugged and not exactly perfect circles. So why are they ranked so low? Because I'm not a huge fan of chocolate mint. It's not bad. It's just okay. And you don't have to wait until Girl Scout season to get these. These are also the exact same thing as Grasshopper cookies. There isn't much special about them. Sorry.

7. Toffee-tastic - These are pretty new and limited-edition, and only available from one of the two companies. So don't be surprised if you can't find them.  They have toffee, which is delicious.

6. Peanut Butter Sandwich / Do-si-dos - These ones are pretty popular too, and about 16% of all Girl Scout Cookies solid are these oatmeal cookies, sandwiched with peanut butter in the middle. There is nothing particular wrong with these, but there is a far superior peanut butter cookie option if you want some Girl Scout Cookies.

5. Girl Scout S'mores (Little Brownie Bakers Version) - Okay, this is the one that gets tricky. Both companies make cookies called "Girl Scout S'mores," but unlike Thin Mints that are only slightly different visually (and taste the same), the two companies have completely different recipes for their S'mores, and they look different too. In the Little Brownie version, the cookie is like a graham cracker cookie sandwich, with chocolate and marshmallow in the middle.


4. Girl Scout S'mores (ABC Bakers Version) - Similar to the above, but instead the ABC version of the cookie is a graham cracker cookie, with marshmallow on top, and then the entire thing is coated in chocolate on the outside. So the basic difference is that with Little Brownie, the graham cracker is the outside, and with ABC the chocolate is the outside. I'll admit that the Little Brownie version actually looks a lot more like an actual S'more, because the graham crackers are on the outside of a S'more. However, despite that version looking more like a S'more, I can never say no to a cookie that is totally dipped and covered in chocolate. Slight advantage to ABC.

3. Caramel Chocolate Chip - Only ABC makes these, which is crazy. This is your basic chocolate chip cookie, but also with caramel! It was only introduced last year in 2019. How did Girl Scout Cookies not have a basic chocolate chip cookie until 2019? Well, maybe it did in the past but was discontinued. I dunno. This one is also gluten free, if you're one of the 99 out of 100 people who claim to have a gluten allergy, but are really just a pretentious douchebag.

2. Peanut Butter Patties / Tagalongs - Tagalongs (as I call them, but elsewhere in the country they have the more boring name) are amazing. Crispy vanilla cookies, layered with peanut butter and completely covered with a chocolate. 13% of Girl Scout Cookies are sold, which is a shame! These are so much better than the Peanut Butter Sandwich / Do-si-dos. These are ALMOST the queen of Girl Scout Cookies. Almost.

1. Caramel deLites / Samoas - As with Tagalongs, I know these as Samoas because I grew up with the Little Brownie Bakers version. The other name seems weird, but okay. These are THE BEST. Vanilla cookies coated in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut, and striped with rows of chocolate. Vanilla. Chocolate. Caramel. Coconut. How can anything beat this? The caramel and coconut combo really makes these.

Ed Ranks the Coats of Arms of Belligerents in the Hundred Years' War

The Hundred Years' War was a series of conflicts from 1337 (LEET? ZoMG!!!11!) to 1453. That makes it technically 116 years, but the "Hundred and Sixteen Years' War" doesn't sound as cool, does it now?

The war was mostly between England and what we now call France (although "France" as we know it only came into being as a result of the end of this war). So really it was a war between England's House of Plantagenet and France's House of Valois, along with people within France that took both sides, and other European powers who threw in with one side or the other. For simplicity though, let's just call the sides "England" and "France."

12. Crown of Aragon

• Side: France
• Coat of Arms Analysis: Boring, boring, boring. Just some lines. This isn't a national coat of arms, it's a beach towel.

 11. Duchy of Burgundy

• Side: Both! These dastardly little flip-floppers were FOR France between 1337 and 1419. Then they jumped to team England. Then guess what they did in 1435! They FLIPPED BACK to France again. 
• Coat of Arms Analysis: Sometimes a "busy" design can be interesting. But there is just too much going on here. This coat of arms needs fewer fleur-de-lis symbols and needs stripes of the same thickness. Doesn't the fact that the stripes don't match bother you? 

10. Avignon (Anti-)Papacy

• Side: France, because "the Pope" (now regarded as "Antipope" Clement VII) was French and living in Avignon. Don't ask, this is just ranking Coats of Arms. I'm not giving an entire history lesson about the Avignon Papacy, the Western Schism, and/or Papal involvement in the Despenser's Crusade.
• Coat of Arms Analysis: Red background, yellow keys, blue string. Simple, not terrible, but not high to rank enough above #10.

 9. The Papal States

• Side: England, see above. These were the Papal States loyal to Pope Urban VI and siding with England in the Despenser's Crusade, a subset of the Hundred Years' War.
• Coat of Arms Analysis: The same logo as above, but with a little umbrella thing in the middle (I'm not Catholic, so whatever), and also a cooler-looking shield logo like its some sort of Pope Police Badge! 

 8. Republic of Genoa

• Side: France
• Coat of Arms Analysis: A perfectly fine and simple coat of arms, but isn't this basically the symbol of England? Get a new coat of arms, Genoa! Or at least fight on the side of England if you're going to have their flag like this.

7. Kingdom of Portugal

• Side: England
• Coat of Arms Analysis: I like this coat of arms, I really do! It's sort of cool. All those castles and other things. Very interesting heraldry. However, the ones above it are better. A green fleur-de-lis is certainly interesting, and I'm not sure what those blue and white things are. Historians seems to disagree themselves, with a bunch of different theories. Nice castles though!

6. Crown of Castile

• Side: France
• Coat of Arms Analysis: Crowned lions and castles! Now that's good heraldry, Castile. You certainly know how to show those unimaginative bastards in Aragon how to make some good coats of arms.

5. Kingdom of England (House of Plantagenet)

 

• Side: England, because it is England!
• Coat of Arms Analysis: Slightly on the busy side, but the House of Plantagenet was making a point here. Of course they were putting the fleur-de-lis logos on their coat of arms. How could they not? England was trying to claim that France was simply another part of England. What better way to do that than to just use France's logo and make it part of your own.

4. Kingdom of Navarre

• Side: England
• Coat of Arms Analysis: A shield made of chains with an emerald in the middle? I'm not sure what it exactly means (I'm too lazy to look it up), but I LIKE IT! Good work, Navarre. Now we can definitely tell what political bodies in Iberia put some effort into their insignias and which just phoned it in.

3. Kingdom of France (House of Valois)

• Side: France, obviously. Because it's themselves.
• Coat of Arms Analysis: Pretty fucking classic, right? This should be France's flag now. Too many people doing that Red, White, and Blue shit.

2. Kingdom of Scotland

• Side: France, because they hate the English (as always) and formed the Franco-Scot alliance.
• Coat of Arms Analysis: Look at this lion, so pretty. Even with the blue tongue and claws. This is some good stuff, Scotland. Keep it up! Maybe you can use this Coat of Arms again the next time you're independent.

 1. Kingdom of Bohemia

• Side: France
• Coat of Arms Analysis: You glorious Czech motherfuckers did it again, didn't you? Look how perfect this coat of arms is! A crowned lion with some crazy-ass scimitar tongue and two tails! Now this is nice stuff here. If I grew a long hipster beard and became a craft brewer, this would be the logo for my Pilsner. And yes, I'll keep the lion dick on it. Oh, did you not notice the lion dick? It's on Scotland too.

Ed Ranks XFL 2020 Team Names

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