Ed Ranks Synods by Name

It's Synod Time, BABY!

Oh hallo! There are some different definitions of what the word "synod" means. It roughly translates (via Greek) into the word "council," but beyond that is open to interpretation (especially with how it's used with regard to religious gatherings). In some cases, it refers to major ecumenical councils to decide important matters of dogma and doctrine. In other cases, it refers to smaller or specific religious decisions, such as ecclesiastic trials. In other cases still, rather than referring to a a specific group or meeting that happens at one point in time, it refers to a standing governing body (like a parliament). Sometimes the word is used to describe an entire church that is governed by such a standing body.

I'm not going to be specific about which of these various definitions I'm using, as I'll float between them all. As long as something is called a "synod" by someone, I'm going to put it here, so long as I believe it worthy as one of the  top 10 synods OF ALL TIME [Kanye Voice] by how cool it's name is. So while the Second Ecumenical Imperial Synod (aka First Ecumenical Council of Constantinople) might have been an important meeting that revised the Nicaean Creed and made key decisions about Macedonianism, Apollinarians, Eunomians, Eudoxians, Sabellians, Marcellians, and Photinians... it's name, First Council/Synod of Constantinople, is pretty boring.

10. Synod of Orange

• What I think it was: A gathering of the owners of Florida orange orchards, who met to discuss the increasing competition from the orange industries of Brazil, Spain, and California. In a side discussion to the main debates, they also declared Sunny-D anathema.
• What it was: The Second Council (Synod) of Orange was held in 529, largely to affirm the previous theology of Augustine of Hippo, but also to condemned the various beliefs of Pelagianism (e.g. humans are unaffected by Adam's sin, a person’s move towards God can begin without grace, and so on).

Is this not the Synod of Elvira?

9. Synod of Elvira

• What I think it was: A late night TV block on basic cable, hosted by Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, which aired classic horror films, occasionally interrupted by commentary from Elvira as the show broke to (and came back from) commercial.
• What it was: An early ecclesiastical synod held in the early 300's that came up with 81 canons including imposing celibacy on clergy,  forbidding the use of images in churches, restricting former pagan priests from becoming Christian priests, etc.

8. General Synod of the Church of England

• What I think it was: A powerful military commander, appointed by Henry VIII soon after the break of the Church of England from the Catholic Church. His name was Synod, and he was the Bishop of... uhh... let's just say Gloucester, but also a fierce warrior. In 1542, General Synod led English Forces at the Battle of Solway Moss against the Catholic armies of Scottish King James V.
• What it is: The tricameral deliberative and legislative organ of the Church of England, first instituted in 1970.

7. Synod of Worms

• What I think it was: A gathering of various worms, who all agreed that they should all stop going out onto sidewalks when there is a rainfall. Worms always creep out onto sidewalks after it rains. Then it stops raining and the sun comes out. Most of the worms are crushed by people walking over them, while many more simply dry out in the hot sun. It's terrible, really, and worms agreed that they needed to stop doing it. Alas, the Synod failed, and so worms still do that dumb shit to this day.
• What it was: An ecclesiastical synod and Imperial diet convened by German king (and Holy Roman Emperor-elect) Henry IV in 1076. Henry's intent was to condemn Pope Gregory VII, which started the Investiture Controversy and 50 years of civil war in the HRE between church and state. 

Photo taken at the Earthquake Synod.

6. Earthquake Synod

• What I think it was: A powerful meeting of the Legion of Doom, led by Lex Luthor. The Legion agrees to hire the B-Team mercenary villains "the Masters of Disaster," so that their member, Mudslide, can use his powers of Geokinesis (earth control) to create earthquakes to destroy Metropolis.
• What it was: A 1382 gathering in Blackfriars, London, led by the Archbishop of Canterbury, with the purpose of condemning the heretical teachings of  John Wycliffe's twenty-four theses, and also sort out some other issues related to transubstantiation.

5. Synod of Hippo

• What I think it was: A gathering of a pod of hippos at the St. Louis Zoo in 2002. They were tired of being fed stupid hay all the time, and agreed to kill all the zookeepers in order to steal their delicious fruit and melons. They succeeded, and now a pod of escaped killer hippos still roams the Mississippi River to this day, seeking fools who dare to picnic on its banks.
• What it was: A 393 council of bishops, sometimes including Augustine of Hippo, which for the first time listed and approved a Christian Biblical canon that mostly corresponds to the books we recognize today as the Old and New Testaments.

Fucking Monophysites, AM I RIGHT?!

4.  Synod (Council) of Chalcedon

• What I think it was: I have no idea, but I have to admit that the word "Chalcedon" sounds super cool. I'm sure it's just the name of some city, but it definitely sounds like some meeting that happened in some high fantasy novel. If you told me that the "Council of Chalcedon" was the meeting that created the Fellowship of the Ring, I would believe you 100%.  
  
• What it was: More commonly known as the "Council of Chalcedon" (or the "Fourth Ecumenical Imperial Synod"), this is the only one of the famous First Seven Ecumenical Councils that makes the cut. It affirmed canons of previous three Imperial Synods as well as the completeness of the two natures of the Lord Jesus Christ: divinity and humanity (perfect God and perfect man). It also condemned Eutyches and Dioscorus, Monophysitism, Nestorianism, and simony.

3. Lutheran Synod of Buffalo

• What I think it was: Look, I know you're getting tired of me picking cities that share the names of animals, and pretending that these synods are meetings of animals, but we have one more of these to go, and this is it. So stick with me here. I believe that this was a meeting of Lutheran Bison who, extremely upset by Catholic practices of indulgences and using "tradition" (rather than scripture alone) as a holy authority, decided to nail up 95 Theses around their pastures.
• What it was: The body of faith for a group of Lutheran Emigrants from Prussia, founded in 1845 (in Buffalo, as well as Milwaukee), but eventually merging into the American Lutheran Church in 1930. 

Nothing in Game of Thrones is crazier than actual history.

2.  Cadaver Synod

• What I think it was: I actually already knew what it was, because it's like the most awesome story in all of the history of religion.
• What it was: The the posthumous ecclesiastical trial of Pope Formosus in 897. After his death, the rival Pope Stephen VI had Formosus' corpse DUG UP AND BROUGHT TO TRIAL. Stephen accused Formosus of perjury and of having acceded to the papacy illegally.  Formosus was found guilty and his papacy retroactively declared to have never happened. His corpse was then thrown in the Tiber River. The The macabre spectacle of a pope digging up a dead pope a putting him on trial, of course, turned public opinion against Stephen. Soon after, Stephen himself was deposed, arrested, and strangled to death in prison. After, the new pope, Theodore II, annulled the Cadaver Synod, rehabilitated Formosus, recovered his body from the Tiber River, and reburied him properly. Over the next few years, successor rival popes would take turns either reaffirming Formosus and condemning Stephen, or reaffirming Stephen and condemning Formosus. Because the Catholic Church in medieval times was basically two pretty high school cliques who constantly fought for social dominance against one another.

RIP Czar Ron Jeremy, you had a good run.

1. The All-Joking, All-Drunken Synod of Fools and Jesters

• What I think it was: HOLY SHIT, I CAN'T EVEN GUESS WHAT THIS MIGHT BE! BUT I WANT TO FIND OUT RIGHT NOW!
• What it was: A social club founded by Czar Peter the Great of Russia with his closest friends, centered almost exclusively around drinking and partying. Initially founded as "The Jolly Company," it eventually transformed into its Synod form as it "proceeded to more organized buffoonery and masquerades," and amped up its activities mocking religious practices. It created several rituals, ceremonies, and commandments for the group based on the Russian Orthodox Church's activities, but all of which primarily involved heavy drinking. Although the whole thing was mostly a joke that Peter came up with as a teenager, he never abandoned it and it continued for the rest of his life. It angered many Orthodox Russians, who believed their own czar to be the antichrist reborn due to his mocking of religion.