Ed Ranks Characters in The Princess Bride

This is a great movie and if you need any explanation for what this is or why I am doing it, then you should not be reading this. 

10. The Grandson (Fred Savage) - Sorry to rank you last, Fred. But everyone is great in this movie, so you're just going to have to be in last place.  Really, you're just a framing device added to the movie. You and your Grandpa weren't even in the book. You're a kid who is reluctant to hear a story with a bunch of kissing, but are eventually won over in the end. I guess you serve your purpose in the film, and it wouldn't be quite as good without you.

9. Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon) - He's the overall villain in the film, and usually the "big bad" is better and more interesting than his mere henchmen. In this case, he's not. He's just a bit of an arrogant foppish dandy who is willing to lie and kill to get what he wants.  And what he wants is an excuse to go to war with their neighboring rivals, Guilder, by framing them for the kidnapping and murder of his bride.

8. Grandpa/The Narrator (Peter Falk) - As with his grandson, Columbo is really just a framing device for the story. But he's charming as hell and I suppose their is a fan theory out there that he is supposed to be an older version of Westley because he tells his grandson "as you wish" at the end of the film. Do I believe that? Not really. He's just saying a line from the story, people!

7. Buttercup AKA The Princess Bride (Robin Wright) - The titular character of the film (but not the actual protagonist) is coming in only at seventh place.  No offense, but Robin Wright is very much being the stereotypical "damsel in distress" that needs to be saved - so in some ways Buttercup is more of a trope than a developed character. Westley had to save her from almost everything (Rodents of Unusual Size, Humperdink), and really her only attempt to save herself from a bad situation is to kill herself.

6. Miracle Mac & Valerie (Billy Crystal & Carol Kane) - Sure, these two will just be lumped together because they belong lumped together. By themselves, the characters would be "meh," but together they are great. From "mostly dead," to "mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwiches," to "you ARE the brute squad", to "to blave" (AKA "to bluff") and to "LIIIAAAAARRRRR!!!" these two characters are amazing movie quote-generating machines. Billy Crystal's best work ever, obviously.

Kinky?

5. Westley AKA The Dread Pirate Roberts AKA The Man in Black (Cary Elwes) - Westley is the main character and is obviously a great character.  But as with his love Buttercup, he's slightly more one dimensional when compared to some of the supporting cast.  He's witty and hilarious, but he really needs to play off others in order to do so.  The whole passing on the pirate title thing is great, and you know if this movie came out today they'd try to ruin it with mandatory sequels and prequels about other Dread Pirate Robertses. Actually, I'll stop talking about this now lest Hollywood get ideas since that might still be in their plans.

4. Count Rugen (Christopher Guest) - Ah, the man with six fingers.  Really just Humperdink's henchman, he's actually a lot more interesting. Why? Well, because Christopher Guest is awesome for one, and plays the hell out of this character. Other reasons? He's a sadistic weirdo who is into the scientific study of pain (if you can call creating torture machines "science," which I do).  He murdered Inigo Montoya's father for the pettiest of bitch reasons (he was too cheap to pay for a special six-fingered sword that was designed just for him). And, well, he has some badass sword-fighting scenes in the film.

3. Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) - Wallace Shawn doesn't make it too far into the movie, but he definitely steals a chunk of the show with his overly confident, duplicitous Sicilian kidnapper. Vizzini and his two henchmen (Fezzik and Inigo, see below) are part of the plot to kidnap the Princess and frame Guilder for the murder. The two henchmen aren't really aware of the overall plan though - only this cocky dick who finds it... well... inconceivable that anyone is more intelligent than him. And now nobody can actually say that word anymore without thinking of this movie. I guess the weirdest thing about this character is that everybody else are clearly from fictional fairy tale lands and kingdoms, and this dude is just straight up Sicilian.  It would be like if Game of Thrones introduced a character who was Puerto Rican.

2. Fezzik (André the Giant) - So let me sort of just lump André the Giant's Fezzik and Mandy Patinkin's Inigo Montoya together here in this description a bit.  The two are essentially a buddy comedy act duo in a film where neither of them get top billing.  They aren't the titular characters, nor the main protagonists.  But largely, Inigo's revenge quest to kill the six-fingered man frames the film just as much as the narrator & grandson and Westley's quest for love. What's especially interesting about the two is that they start off the film as adversaries to Westley, and fight against him before they eventually join his side.  That always makes for interesting, effective, and charming story-telling.  Now, more specifically about Fezzik - well, he's the actual heart of the film.  He's the moral compass in more ways than either Westley or Buttercup, and overcomes his henchman ways to show that a huge, strong "brute" can actually be a delicate and thoughtful man. A delicate and thoughtful man who can throw enormous stones and scare the shit out of people.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father, prepare to die.

1. Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin) 

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. etc.