Sunday, January 5, 2020

Ed Ranks the Sacraments of the Catholic Church

I'm not even Catholic, so I'm just winging this one.

This is not a picture of a medieval nail salon.
7. Anointing of the Sick

This is a sacrament that sucks, because if you're about to get it, it means that you are about to die. When someone is gravely ill, a priest will anoint them with oil (typically blessed olive oil, and it doesn't even have to be Extra Virgin) in order to give comfort, peace, and courage. If the sick person is so sick that he or she has been unable to make a confession (see Penance) to their latest sins, the act of anointing of the sick will also provide the sick person with forgiveness of their sins. The reasoning behind the anointing of the sick occurs in three of the four gospels (all but John), and also appears in the Epistle of James. This sacrament is often given along with (and confused with) "Last Rites," although last rites are a different set of prayers and activities.

6. Holy Orders

Holy Orders is the sacrament by which a man (yep, it has to be a man, sorry) is made a bishop, priest, or deacon, and is dedicated for service to the church. Therefore, this doesn't apply to everyone. You will not receive this sacrament unless you're planning on becoming a church official yourself. Once someone who does take the Holy Orders does so, they are allowed to perform all of the other sacraments listed here. This makes it sort of a meta-sacrament that applies to the other sacraments. It's also considered one of the two "sacraments of service." This one will get ranked pretty low because, you know, it doesn't even apply to most people.

5. Confirmation

Just getting baptized (see below) doesn't get you all up and in the good graces of God for Catholics, oh no. In addition to getting baptized, you're also going to need to get confirmed in order to "confirm and strengthen baptismal grace." Confirmation is like baptism, but involves the holy official placing consecrated oil (Chrism, myrrh, etc.) upon the recipient's forehead while saying the correct words and drawing the sign of the cross. Fun! Right? The age at which this has done has been all over the place throughout the history of the Church. It happens after baptism for sure, but beyond that over the years it's been all over the place, the rules changing through various synods and councils. The general rule these days is that it occurs after reaching an age of "reason," "discretion," or "maturity." Oh, you also have to be in good holy standing to receive it, meaning that you've confessed any sins you committed. Given the wide difference in ages that confirmations have been given over time, it has sometimes been flip-flopped with the Eucharist.

This baby looks a bit large.
4. Baptism

One of the three (and probably the most famous of the) sacraments of initiation. Baptism involves conferred pouring water (three times) on the recipient's (typically a baby, but not always) head. When doing this, the holy official says, "I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." The practice dates back to the Gospel of John, in which Jesus says, "Unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the Kingdom of God." So yeah, you're gonna need this divine water spritz to get into heaven.

3. Matrimony

This one should be pretty obvious, right? This is the sacrament where a priest or other holy official weds two people (man and woman in the Catholic faith), and thus a permanent and exclusive bond, sealed by God. The sacrament confers on the couple the grace they need for attaining holiness in their married lifem and for the responsible upbringing of their children. Obviously, we all know that in most countries these days, government officials can marry people without any specific religious involvement. However to be a Catholic marriage, there are a number of rules such as both must be baptized, a Catholic church official must be involved, there need to be two witnesses, etc.). That's about all I'll write about this one, since I assume even if you're not Catholic that you know what the hell marriage is.

The body of Christ.
2. Eucharist

So you've already been baptized and (maybe) confirmed? You're not done! Much like Tic-Tac-Toe, the Catholic sacraments of initiation require three in a row. This is the one that historically completed your initiation into the faith, and is also called the "Blessed Sacrament." This is the one where you eat bread (or lets be honest... crackers) and wine, and they - though the process of transubstantiation - turn into the body and blood of Christ. Which means as part of your Catholic rites, you have to eat your Lord and savior. How this works in more detail is explained in John 6:47-67. Catholics can, and should, do this through life, unlike single-time baptisms and confirmations. The first time you receive the Eucharist (typically between ages 7 and 13) is called the "First Communion." With the changing age at which children receive their confirmation, the confirmation can and has confusingly slipped to become the third, rather than second, of the initiation sacraments. This one ranks up here for the sole reason that crackers are tasty.

1. Penance

The first of the two sacraments of healing, penance (e.g. reconciliation) is the sacrament of "spiritual healing" resulting from a holy official (e.g. priest) absolving you of sins committed. The concept is that it has to be done to an already baptized person, and that baptized person has (naturally) committed sins, which distance himself from the grace of God. By confessing to those sins to a priest, you can be absolved. More accurately: it's a four step process: 1. Contrition (sincere remorse for the sin); 2. Confession (to a priest); 3. Absolution of the sin (by the priest, who is the only one with the power to do so); and 4. Satisfaction of Penance (through acts such as prayer, charity). These says the acts of penance are more like "say the rosary" or "give three hail Marys" rather than the old-school penances like "beat yourself with a whip until you bleed super hard, sinner!" This one has to rank pretty high, because the "getting absolved of your sins" thing is super important, isn't it?

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