Ed Ranks New Paradigm Daleks and Ironic Morissettes

It looks ashamed of itself for even existing.

Daleks can be colorful Power Rangers. So can the four Alanis Morissettes in the "Ironic" music video.

Let's rank them. Yes. Together. 

9. Orange (Scientist Dalek) - Absolutely nobody wanted an orange Dalek. Nobody. I'm not even sure Mark Gatiss or Steven Moffat wanted orange Daleks. I legit think they were drunk and forgot what colors existed and someone just blurted, "orange?"

8. Red Sweater (Shotgun Morissette) - Holy hell, somebody needs to get this Alanis Morissette under control. She's called shotgun and gets to be in the front passenger seat, but she also really needs to take her meds. She practically throws herself out the car window at one point and almost gets hit by a bridge. She then shakes off snow in the car and I see no evidence that she even tried to wear her seat belt at any time the entire ride. And she won't stop doing stuff like picking her fingernails and jumping up and down. CALM DOWN.

7. Yellow (Eternal Dalek) - First of all, what the hell does "Eternal Dalek" even mean? Second... you are a yellow Dalek with black bumps. That means you look like a bumble bee. Unless you have a severe allergy, bees are not particularly threatening. Just annoying. How does a toilet-plunging bee expect to be taken seriously enough to conquer the universe?

6. Green Sweater (Rear Right Morissette) - This is the second Morissette we meet in the video, and so it's a bit of a surprise when we first see her, because you're like, "Oh hey! There are two Alanis Morissettes in this car! I bet the whole car is going to be all Morissettes!"  When we meet her, you think that this one is definitely going to be the "Spazzy" and wild one. She's throwing her arms around everywhere and acting crazy.  But after we later meet Red Sweater Morissette, by comparison she doesn't seem that bad.

5. White (Supreme Dalek) - This is the most boring Supreme Dalek of all time. Supreme Daleks have been black (The Dalek Invasion of Earth, Resurrection of the Daleks, Remembrance of the Daleks), gold (Day of the Daleks, Planet of the Daleks), and even red (The Stolen Earth/Journey's End). But white? What are you... trying to be a Davros-aligned IMPERIAL Dalek? Hahaha, no. And I can't be the only one disturbed by the fact that a WHITE Dalek is calling itself "supreme," can I? I know Terry Nation created the Daleks as a metaphor for the Nazis, but this one is just a little too on the nose.

Yeah, this is a pretty weird ranking. Even for me.

4. Yellow Sweater (Rear Left Morissette) - This Morissette is fairly well behaved, but she's not terribly interesting. She can be best described as "a little goofy." Beyond the yellow sweater, she can also be identified as the one with some braids in her hair, fidgeting with some snack item that she never actually eats. Neither back seat Morissette seems to have a visible seat belt, but I won't call either out on that because they're shot from stomach-up, so it's possible they just have a two-point lap seat belt, rather than a three-point one that goes over the shoulders. I assume that was standard in back seats for older cars like the one in this video.

3. Blue (Strategist Dalek) - I guess these would be good in some sort of sea invasion, right? If Daleks want to kill everything else in the universe...  they also have to kill sea-based lifeforms. For that... they need blue camo! And also, if this is a Strategist Dalek... does that mean the other non-blue Daleks don't strategize? Do the others have smaller Dalek brains? If you're going to genetically mutate the Kaled species to become the supreme being of the universe, you'd think they'd all be brilliant strategists rather than just some of them.

2.  Red Cap/Black Jacket (Driver Morissette) - The Alanis Morissette who is driving is the only one that seems to have her shit together. She's DEFINITELY wearing a seat belt, and isn't acting too silly or crazy. She's mainly focusing on driving, which is a good thing because she's got three passengers - of which at least two of them probably need to be on lithium. This is the Morissette that is also wearing a multi-color scarf and blue gloves. She giggles at the other Morissettes a bunch, but never really does anything too crazy beyond throwing her red cap back at Green Sweater Morissette towards the end of the video. Although, the end of the video might imply that this was the only Morissette the whole time, and the other three were figments of her imagination. In which case, ignore the stuff I said about her being the one who has her shit together... because then dis biatch be crazy.

1. Red (Drone Dalek) - It's a shame that the only cool looking Dalek of the New Paradigm Daleks was just the "Drone" Dalek, meaning a boring, space-filler Dalek designed to be an extra. Literally a "Red Shirt" Dalek. This one should have been the Dalek Supreme for sure instead of the white one.