There are hundreds of different types of cereals. For this list, I'll just rank the top-10 selling cereals in the United States. And no, I am not ranking them by the amount they sell. That would be stupid. I wouldn't be doing any work at all. The person who did the math to find out the top-10 selling cereals would be the person who technically ranked them. I'd just be "listing" them and this isn't "Ed Lists Everything." So I will rank them by how awesome they ACTUALLY are. Because some people have bad taste and are buying crap.
10. Special K - Who the hell eats Special K? Fat white women who want to lose weight, that's who. I'm not sure if you realized that question was rhetorical.
9. Frosted Flakes - This is the #2 selling cereal in America. Really? It's boring ass corn flakes with some powdered sugar on it. How boring is that? And corn flakes were already perfectly find and delicious without sugar on them. Actually, I prefer corn flakes to Frosted Flakes. And we all know that Tony the Tiger is an apex predator and a carnivore. He doesn't eat corn flakes. He eats ungulates, preferably those weighing at least 90 kg. And sometimes people.
8. Fruit Loops - These do not actually taste like fruit. They taste like artificial fruit flavors. They are the solid form of the bottle of "purple drink" you get from the grocery store.
7. Raisin Bran - Solid choice, I have nothing bad to say about Raisin Bran. Although the Crunchy Raisin Bran with the bits of granola in it is much better and should be the more purchased variety.
6. Frosted Mini Wheats - Unlike my opinion on Frosted Flakes, I actually do prefer the Frosten Mini Wheats to the un-frosted variety. The un-frosted variety is sort of like eating a big block of healthy grain. And who wants to do that for breakfast?
5. Cheerios - Solid, delicious cereal. Good stuff.
4. Honey Nut Cheerios - Even better! Although do you think they actually put honey on this or is it just corn syrup? I bet it's corn syrup.
3. Lucky Charms - Basically just a bowl of sugar, but important enough so that I've already ranked the marshmallows in it.
2. Honey Bunches of Oats - Variety is the spice of life. This cereal has your standard flakes, but then it mixes up all sorts of delicious granola bits and other stuff in it too.
1. Cinnamon Toast Crunch - The greatest cereal. It doesn't even need an explanation.
10. Special K - Who the hell eats Special K? Fat white women who want to lose weight, that's who. I'm not sure if you realized that question was rhetorical.
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| They're greeeeat! But not as great as human flesh. |
8. Fruit Loops - These do not actually taste like fruit. They taste like artificial fruit flavors. They are the solid form of the bottle of "purple drink" you get from the grocery store.
7. Raisin Bran - Solid choice, I have nothing bad to say about Raisin Bran. Although the Crunchy Raisin Bran with the bits of granola in it is much better and should be the more purchased variety.
6. Frosted Mini Wheats - Unlike my opinion on Frosted Flakes, I actually do prefer the Frosten Mini Wheats to the un-frosted variety. The un-frosted variety is sort of like eating a big block of healthy grain. And who wants to do that for breakfast?
5. Cheerios - Solid, delicious cereal. Good stuff.
4. Honey Nut Cheerios - Even better! Although do you think they actually put honey on this or is it just corn syrup? I bet it's corn syrup.
3. Lucky Charms - Basically just a bowl of sugar, but important enough so that I've already ranked the marshmallows in it.
2. Honey Bunches of Oats - Variety is the spice of life. This cereal has your standard flakes, but then it mixes up all sorts of delicious granola bits and other stuff in it too.
1. Cinnamon Toast Crunch - The greatest cereal. It doesn't even need an explanation.
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