Friday, May 25, 2018

Ed Ranks the First 10 Google Image Results for "Knitting"

These kids today with their dangerous new challenges like the cinnamon challenge, the tide pod challenge, and the deodorant challenge!  Well I hear the crazy new things the kids are doing is typing "knitting" into Google with... *gasp*... SAFE IMAGE TURNED OFF!

Actually, that's not true at all. Nobody is doing that except for people who want to knit. People who want to knit... and ME.  So let's rank the first ten images that pop up on a Google Image search for "knitting," according to how well I believe that they represent the concept of knitting. Which I, of course, know absolutely nothing about.

For purposes of simplicity, I have presented the images in the exact order they popped up on Google, and have referred to them as A through J. A is the Google's very first image for knitting, and J its tenth. I could call them 1 through 10, but then that would get confusing... what with the rankings also being 1 through 10.



10.  A - How is this the FIRST image for knitting that pops up on Google? It barely represents knitting at all! First of all... there is no actually knitting. It's just yarn! And it's not even a classic yarn ball pattern. These are wobbly, strange looking yarns. Yarn tumors. And the choice of colors is highly questionable. There are way too many shades of blue in this mix of colors.

9. F - This is a pretty boring knitting picture with an intensely boring color of yarn. Yarn? More like YAWN, am I right people?

8. G - This picture is fine, but it's boring white background isn't helping any.  The colors are also a little washed out. Look at picture C and you'll see how much more vibrant this color could have been.

7. I - Oooh, the ultra-close zoom-in. And so many colors! 

6. E - Now I know this might be highly controversial (people will SURELY be talking about this controversy for years to come) as there is no knitting in this picture. Technically it is just yarn and needles. No knitting has begun yet. No pattern has been formed or textile assembled. Really, this is pre-knitting.  But it's such a good picture! You know some knitting 'bout to go down, shorty.

5. D - Aww yeah, that's some good knitting of red yarn!

4. C - Yep, this is some great knitting of turquoise-colored yarn here. And the needles match the yarn color. Impressive!

3. B - The second knitting picture is a lot better picture to represent knitting than the first one, as it actually shows someone knitting. But I have so many questions. Why is someone wearing a ring on their index finger? Is that some type of knitting accessory? I honestly know nothing about knitting, so I'd believe you if you told me it was. And is this lady holding her knitting together with a paper clip? That seems pretty white trash.

2. J - This is a great picture of knitting. It's pretty similar to C (maybe it's even from the same photoshoot?... the turquoise color of the yarn and the pattern its being knitted into look similar), but it has human fingers in it, so it's like an "action shot." Yeah. Knitting action shot.

1. H - Wow, this is KINKY.  Looks like this lady has knitted herself some purple bondage gear. Get your freak on, girl.

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