Ed Ranks Christmas Songs

Tired of Rudolph pictures? Tough. It's Christmas.

Obviously there are a million of them and I can't rank them all. So how about this be "Top 15" since I couldn't squeeze all the ones I wanted into the Top 10?

I'll keep the ground rules simple for this one - yes, a lot of these songs are performed by a whole lot of people. The person in the parenthesis behind the song is the person who's version is most iconic, not the writer or the first to sing the song.  As a general principle, I tried to not have the same singers over and over on the list. But that principle doesn't really apply to Bing Crosby, the emperor of Christmas music.

As always, your opinion may differ from mine but that just means you're wrong.

15. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (Gene Autry) - While the Rankin/Bass animated TV special tops its own list, the song just barely makes the Top 15 cut. Still, that's no insult since that means it ranks above all the unranked Christmas classics like "Let it Snow!", "Carol of the Bells" and "Christmas in Hollis." Okay, just kidding about that last one.

14. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (Frank Sinatra) - This one deserves to make the cut, but it was hard to say by whom. It's been done a thousand times and the original version was by Judy Garland. Still, I think ol' Blue Eyes has like four different versions of this one and sort of claims it.

Once Santa goes Black...

13."Santa Baby" (Eartha Kitt) - Yeah, this makes the rankings but it's still oddly sexualized for how much Catwoman seems to be flirting with Santa Claus in order to get outrageously expensive gifts. Does this work on Santa? Do we really want to teach children that it's okay to flirty with an old, married man (remember Mrs. Claus!) in order to get better presents?

12. "Jingle Bell Rock" (Bobby Helms) - This is a great Christmas standard. I've seen people say that the Hall & Oates version is better. Those people are wrong.

11. "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" (Johnny Mathis) - Yep, this is exactly the song in which you're thinking and the version of which you are thinking. No matter who you thought it was by, it is definitely the Johnny Mathis version.

10. "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" (Andy Williams) - This one is sort of catchy, eh?

9. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" (Bing Crosby) - As with "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," there are a dozen different fairly popular versions of this one. I'll go ahead and say that the best version is by Bing.

8. "White Christmas" (Bing Crosby) - As above, Bing Crosby takes ownership of this one by default as nobody is better at singing Christmas songs than Bing Crosby.

See? Another one!

7. "A Holly Jolly Christmas" (Burl Ives) - This is such a happy and catchy damn song, and closely associated with the Rudolph film. It's also a much better song than the Rudolph song.

6. "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" (John & Yoko/Plastic Ono Band) - I'm not particularly a John Lennon fan, but this was a great song and, oddly, also an Anti-Vietnam War song. Who would have thought that one of the most enduring Christmas songs of all time would feature Yoko Ono and be a war protest song?
 
5. "Feliz Navidad" (José Feliciano) - A great song, and also a helpful way to begin to learn another language. Good work, José. I am both entertained and educated (e.g. willing to lie on job applications about my level of Spanish literacy).

4. "Last Christmas" (Wham!) - Yes, I am very aware that Wham! is a pop boy band duo before pop boy bands were even a thing. But that doesn't mean "Last Christmas" isn't a totally awesome song. Because it is. This song has been covered a thousand jillion times, which is a real number.

3. "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" (David Bowie and Bing Crosby) - How can Bing Crosby plus David Bowie not equal amazing Christmas magic? This song is great! And you know what else is great? The lyrics, "Pa rum pum pum pum; Ra pum pum pum; Ra pum pum pum." I just enjoy those lyrics. Legitimately. I'm not being sarcastic. Seriously. Onomatopoeia's are fun. In fact, here is a link so you can just watch it now and get it stuck in your head.

2. "Father Christmas" (The Kinks) - You might be more familiar with the Kinks as the 1960s-era British Invasion band who sung, "You Really Got Me." But a decade later after the invasion was over, the Kinks were still around and released this punk rock song about a gang of poor kids who threaten to beat up Santa Claus, demand money, and/or machine guns instead of toys (which can, instead, be given to the little rich boys). This is the best Christmas song that any rock radio station plays. Bruce Springsteen's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" is garbage and if you think otherwise you're a basic bitch.

This is a terrible album cover though.

1. "All I Want for Christmas Is You" (Mariah Carey)

This song is the best. Sorry everyone else. It was a nice try.  Some of these other songs may have been around for 70 years, but the youngest entry on the list is the best. It was an instant classic when it came out and Mariah's voice is (well, was) amazing.