Ed Ranks the Seven Hills of Rome

Hey look. It's some hills!

Traditionally, Rome is said to have had "seven hills," although that's not true anymore as Rome is a lot bigger than it used to be.  The seven hills typically refer to the hills that fell within the Servian Wall of Ancient Rome, and thus does not include territory now widely considered to be "Rome" (such as Vatican Hill, which contains, duh, the Vatican).  The hills were notable enough to even get a bible reference, probably, as many believe that  the Book of Revelation's reference to the Whore of Babylon sitting on "seven mountains" refers to her being in Rome. Technically that would make her the "Whore of Rome" then instead of Babylon. I'm just saying. Either way, she's got to be a pretty large whore to sit on all seven hills at once. This might be the first "yo mamma so fat" joke.

7. Viminal Hill - The smallest and least impressive of the hills. The historic Palace of Viminale is here, but it is pretty much otherwise unnoticeable.

6. Caelian Hill - This area was once a fashionable district in Ancient Rome where the rich lived. A large part of this area is now taken up by the Villa Celimontana. So if you want to visit this one Villa, you should go here. Otherwise, there are a few old, boring ruins that don't make the top 10 of anyone's guidebook.

5. Aventine Hill - The Aventine Hill is a little bit interesting because of its history. Originally outside of Rome, it was eventually incorporated into the city as a sort of "staging area" for foreigners to come to the city. Sort of like the Ellis Island of Ancient Rome. Even after that, it became associated with the poor, lower class, plebeian elements of society. Because of that continued association, it remains popular in TV and movie depictions of Rome as the gritty, rough, working class, international part of the city. If you're going to create a Roman police procedural drama, you better set it here. All that being said about its interesting story, there isn't too much to actually do here these days. It's definitely not poor anymore, instead its more like an elegant suburb for rich people with a few ancient churches, temples, palaces and gardens. 

It used to look like this. But not anymore.

4. Esquiline Hill - Sure, the Esquiline Hill has a few notable things about it, but I wouldn't rank it among the top hills to visit in Rome, if you're going there to check out hills. And why would you? It once was the place where the King of Rome lived, back when the sixth king (Servius Tullius) expanded the city to include it. Nero built his Domus Aurea (Golden House) and Trajan Built his baths here. But beyond those two landmarks (which still remain to this day), it isn't exactly a hot spot.

3. Quirinal Hill - This hill used to be a lot of a bigger deal than it is now, and included the Baths of Constantine (lost or built over in Medieval times), and some huge river god statues by Michaelaneglo (since moved to Capitoline Hill). Until the 19th-Century, it was famously called the "Monte Cavallo" (horse mountain, after the colossal "Horse Tamers" statues of Castor and Pollux that have stood there since antiquity) and it still retains some landmarks such as the Torre delle Milizie (a medieval tower).  But urban development happened, the city changed, and now Quirinal Hill is almost exclusively associated with Quirinal Palace - one of the official residences of the President of Italy. Still, it's a fairly notable Palace, having been resided in by 30 Popes, 4 Kings of Italy and 12 presidents of the Italian Republic. Napoleon also planned to live there after becoming Emperor and conquering a lot of Europe, but he was defeated in 1814 and never got around to it. Yeah, this spot is worth a visit for sure.

Oh look, ruins!

2. Palatine Hill - Well, it's a tough call between what the #1 and #2 hill in Rome will be. Palatine Hill has a lot going for it. This is the centremost of all the hills in ancient Rome and is often called "the first nucleus of the Roman Empire." People have lived here since the 10th Century BC, and according to Roman mythology, the Palatine Hill was the location of the cave, known as the "Lupercal," where Romulus and Remus were found by the she-wolf Lupa that kept them alive. You know the word "palace" which means a fancy place where rich rulers live? Well, "Palatine Hill" does not derive from the world "palace." In fact, it's EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE. The word "palace" derives from "Palatine," meaning this is the OG palace location. When anyone else named the building they created a "palace," they were naming it after this place. This is the spot of the Circus Maximus, and all the major palaces of the Roman Empire, like Augustus, Tiberius, Domitian, etc. This area also included (and in some cases still includes ruins of) the House of Augustus, the Temple of Cybele, the Domus Severiana and Baths of Septimius Severus, the Septizodium (Temple of the Seven Suns), and Temple of Apollo Palatinus.  I guess the only reason I'll rank this as #2 rather than #1 is that this is a pretty "archeology-heavy" place to visit. And while that's cool with me, the place is going to be a lot more ruins than museums or sites. To each their own, I suppose.

It's museum time.

1.Capitoline Hill - While Capitoline Hill might not be the true and original ancient "center" of Rome like Palatine Hill, there should be no doubt that today it's sort of the "center" of Rome. Orginally it was Mons Saturnius (and dedicated to Saturn). As with the word "palace" coming from Palatine Hill, so does the word "capitol" come from Capitoline hill, both derived from "caput" for "head" or "top." The Capitoline Museums (Musei Capitolini) are the predominate features which now sit at the top of the hill, and include two major museums (Palazzo dei Conservatori and the Palazzo Nuovo), both of which containing a major trove of of Rome's greatest artistic and archaeological treasures. They're basically a must-see area of the city. The Piazza del Campidoglio is the major plaza in the middle of the area, and was designed by Michelangelo when he wasn't too busy being a party dude. Its construction (on the orders of Pope Paul III to impress Holy Roman Emperor and King of Spain Charles V) basically turned the center of Rome's power away from the old Roman Forum and up to Capitoline Hill. The area also includes the famous Cordonata steps and numerous famous statues and landmarks. Connecting the two major museums on the hill are also the Galleria Lapidaria and Tabularium, an underground passageway that also allows you to get your archeological fix if the Palatine Hill area and its ruins are more of your jam.