Ed Ranks Maya Gods and Supernatural Beings, Part I

It's Maya fun (e.g. probably human sacrifice) time!

There is no such thing as one “Maya” mythology or religion, as there were many different groups of Maya, over many centuries, and they passed on their beliefs through oral tradition. Assuming there to be one set of "Maya gods" would be like saying there is one set if "European gods" and making no differentiation between Greek, Norse, etc.

As you’d imagine, Maya stories evolved over time, and a lot of stuff didn’t get written down until the Christians came along (Oh, and the stuff that was recorded before that was burned by the Christians because they're typically history's assholes, but that's a different story for a different time). By that time, Christian faith mingled with and changed Mayan beliefs, so it’s really hard to identify what may or may not be “authentic” (if that word even means anything in an ever-changing world) pre-colonial beliefs.

The best I can do is use sources from the more notable collections of Maya myth (Popol Vuh, Chilam Balam, the Madrid Codex, and so on) and assemble a mix of gods/beings that represent figures from the Classic (200–1000 CE), Post-Classic (1000–1539 CE) and Contact Period (1511–1697) of Maya religion. Yet Maya are still around today. Take the Lacandons, for example. Their culture remained largely isolated in the tropical jungle. So much so that in the 20th Century, they were largely thought to be un-contacted by the outside world. That’s not 100% true, but they had their own beliefs that still existed well after the supposed end of the “Contact Period.” So some of the gods below might also be newer ones, or my descriptions of them might incorporate newer beliefs about the gods that have appeared in the last few centuries.

There are a bazillion of these gods, so I obviously can’t rank them all. 50 seems like a good, large number. So I’ll do 50, split into two parts.

There are a bunch of early, boring, largely uninteresting (in my opinion) creator gods, and other lesser rain and agriculture gods whose major aspects are already incorporated by a more famous and notable god. In those cases, they don’t make the cut of 50. Sorry, gods!

Part 1: Numbers 50 to 26!  

50. Cit-Bolon-Tum

God of healing and medicine. Nothing too interesting here, but he made the cut of 50. So that’s something.

49. Chaac Uayab Xoc

God of fish and fishermen. Cool, but not as cool as most of the others on this ranking.

48. Chicchan

Group of four gods, much like the Bacab (see immediately below), who stood at the four corners of the world. Although these deities were associated with rain,

Bacab: the Maya Quad-Atlases

47. Bacab

Not one god, but the name for four gods (Hobnil, Cantzicnal, Saccimi, and Hosanek) who hold up the four corners of the world, or hold up the sky so that it won’t fall. Yep, Maya are flat earthers. Sorry.

46. Xaman Ek

God of travelers and merchants, who gave offerings to him on the side of roads. Giving offerings to the god of travelers and business is what you had to do before insurance companies existed.

45. Qʼaqʼawitz

Also rendered as “Jacawitz.” Mountain god (perhaps specifically “fire mountain”) and companion of sun god Tohil. You're not going to rank that high if you're just famous for being some other god's companion.

44. Cakulha & Coyopa

Lesser gods of lightning, but not as cool as Kʼawiil or Chaac, who you’ll read about later.

43. Yum Caax

God of the woods, nature, cacao (there are a couple of gods of cacao, actually), plants, and of the hunt. People are suppose to invoke this god before cutting down the woods to build a field (usually maize). Fun Fact: If you say “Yum Caax” in the same way you say “Yaas Queen,” it definitely sounds like you enjoy giving blowjobs.

42. Hunab Ku

Probably not a legit Maya god, as his name means “One God,” and this guy is likely 100% the result of syncretism with Catholicism. Also widely associated with “New Age Mayanism” these days.

41. Bolon Yokte

The god of “nine strides,” although the Chilam Balam (a collection of 17th  and 18th century texts, supposedly written by people who had the title of “Priest Jaguar”) goes into no more description than that to explain what it means. This gets credit for being a cryptic-ass mystery.

40. Cabrakan

God of earthquakes and mountains, who features prominently in the Popol Vuh, where he is defeated by the Hero Twins. Don’t worry if you don’t know who the Hero Twins are, I’ll talk A LOT about them as we continue through these rankings, as they are the main characters in the Popol Vuh, a story that details the Maya creation myths.

39. Yantho Triad

Three sibling gods: Yantho, Usukun, and Uyitzin. They’re also brothers with Nohochacyum (who gets his own entry below), but these three are typically all linked together. They are generally associated with harming humans through earthquakes. Some, but not all, sources claim their names roughly translate to the good, the bad, and the indifferent. Yeah, I was hoping it would be “ugly” too.

"God A," maybe also known as Ah Puch. FUN!

38. Assorted Minor Death Gods

There are a few of these. The Mayans LOVED death gods. There were a ton of them who lived in Xibalba (meaning the underworld, or hell, or more literally: “PLACE OF FEAR!”). Take Ah Puch, for example. Maybe. He’s a great case study to explain problem with trying to define Maya gods. Some sources say that “Ah Puch does not appear to be an authentic Maya name for the death god.” Other sources are adamant that this is an authentic god, and describes what he looks like (skeleton) and which layer of the many underworlds (the ninth) he rules from, and give other detailed facts. Beliefs don’t nicely fit into categories like some would like them to, so the best I can say is that his may not defer to an actual deity from the OG Maya times, but people came to create the god and stories about him later. Some other examples of minor death gods? Ah Cizin / Kisin – Much like Ah Puch. Often depicted as a dancing skeleton, smoking a cigarette, and wearing a collar made from human eyes dangling out from their nerve endings. METAL. Cum Hau - God of death and regeneration. Also something a 5th grader asks in their first sex ed class. Hum Hau – He rhymes with the last one, at least. There are others, including Yum Cimil, and so on, but I won’t cover them all. The important ones I’ll break out and explain separately.

37. Xquic

Mother of the Hero Twins and a goddess of Xibalba. She’s sometimes considered to be the Maya goddess of the waning moon (though that is never stated in the Popol Vuh itself). She wouldn’t even make the cut of interesting enough deities to rank if she wasn’t sometimes called “Blood Maiden.” Shit, that’s a cool nickname. I’m definitely stealing it for some villainess in a high fantasy novel.  She also got pregnant with the Hero Twins after their father, Hun-Hunahpu, was already murdered. How? She went to a tree with a skull on it, which spit Hun-Hunahpu’s jizz onto her hand. That knocked her up. The Maya did the virgin birth theme a lot different than Christians did.

36. Howler Monkey Twins

The B-Term version of the Hero Twins, and their half-brothers. Hun-Chowen and Hun-Batz are turned into howler monkeys and became patron gods of the arts (artwork and writing). They are pretty important characters in mythology, but I don’t really find them that interesting.

35. Ah-Muzen-Cab & Colel Cab

Ah-Muzen is god of bees, and is known to hang upside-down. Unfortunately, he is a god of stingless bees, which really takes all the fun out of being a bee god. Colel is the goddess of bees. Because one bee god is never enough, apparently.

34. Acat

God of tattoos. Do not visit Acan before you visit Acat, or you will end up making a very regrettable choice that’s stuck with you for life.

Behold: a divine being. Your pet cat is aware it is related.

33. Balam

Also B’alam, Balham, and a bunch of other spellings. This is just the Mayan language word for “jaguar,” but jaguars were super important in beliefs (as you’ll see from this ranking). In addition to simply being jaguars, Balam were also considered to be a class of protective deities.

32. Bitol

Sky/creator god and one of 13 deities who tried to create mankind twice, and failed twice. Then succeeded on the third time and took a new name, Ixmacane. Although “Ixmacane” and “Ixmucane” apply to other Maya gods as well. This one isn’t particularly THAT interesting, but was included as an example of the tons of creator gods out there. The gods made the world and humanity a few times before wiping it out and starting over. Which, given the way things are going so far in 2020, doesn’t sound like half a bad idea.

31. Hacha'kyum

Astral god that created the stars by scattering a bunch of sand into the sky. That’s what the stars are! Good ol’ space sand.

30. Wayob / Nagual

Less “god” and more “Supernatural beings,” these are basically the Maya mythology version of shapeshifters who turn into animals while asleep to harm others. Maya werewolves, if you will. Or werejaguars, which is much cooler. Nagual is actually more of an Aztec term than Maya, but the concept predated the Aztecs.

29. Tohil

Fire god, and patron god of the Kʼiche. Tohil definitely demanded blood sacrifice from his people. He also had similarities to Qʼuqʼumatz, and may have been the original form of the feathered serpent god. Also associated with mountains, which is maybe why the Mayans built so many damn pyramids.

Eclipse? Well, someone's head has to roll down a pyramid.

28. Colop U Uichkin

God of eclipses. I suppose it’s important to have one of these gods, huh? Probably a lot of heads rolled down pyramids for this motherfucker. That’s not backed up by any research. I’m just assuming.

27. Cuchumaquic

A lord of hell/Xibalba whose name means “Blood Gatherer.” Yikes. Well, he is a lord of hell. That name is enough to break him away from the other assorted death gods and get his own place on the list.
 
26. Xecotcovach

A bird demon whose name means “Face Gouger,” because it was sent to destroy mankind (the second time they were create) by, well, gouging out their faces and tearing out their eyes with its powerful beak. The Maya did not fuck around my friend.

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Well, it certainly seems to me that “Face Gouger” is a good place to end our first half. Next time… the Top 25 Maya gods and supernatural beings