Ed Ranks the Jackson 5

Question: What ever happened to that little guy?

There are only five of them, so this should be easy, right? Well, actually it's six. Go figure.

6. Randy Jackson - No, not the guy from American Idol. This is the youngest of the Jackson brothers, and he wasn't really in the original Jackson 5. However, when the Jacksons moved from Motown to CBS records, Jermaine stayed with Motown and left the group (going solo is always a wise move, right?). After that, Randy was officially let in. But nobody cares about Randy Jackson. Ranking him any higher than this? That's gonna be a no from me, dawg.

5. Marlon Jackson - There was an original group of Jacksons consisting of just Tito, Jermaine, and Jackie. Only later were two younger brothers, Marlon and Michael, added to the group. One of them was a charismatic, natural talent who would woo the world with his magnetic personality, dancing skills, and insane singling ability. The other one was Marlon.  Like with the equally massive Wayans family, there has always got to be a mediocre Marlon in there somewhere.

4. Jackie Jackson - Sigmund Esco "Jackie" Jackson (yeah, it's a damned good thing he went with "Jackie") is a pretty forgettable Jackson brother, but it's not like he did nothing. He had sections where he took the leading singing role in both "I Want You Back" and "ABC," which has to count for something, right? But if you remember Jackie Jackson for anything, it's probably for the fact that he he had an affairs with a Los Angeles Lakers cheerleader for a while in the 80's. I guess that cheerleader (and aspiring video choreographer) got her "in" into the music industry through Jackie, as you might know her better today as "Paula Abdul." Whoa. Second American Idol reference of this ranking. I promise no more.

3. Jermaine Jackson - Controversial move putting Jermaine here, under Tito? Let's discuss! Of the two, Jermaine Jackson obviously has the more solid and consistent music career, especially as a solo artist. If someone pointed a gun to your head and said "NAME ANOTHER JACKSON 5 MEMBER OTHER THAN MICHAEL, OR YOU DIE!", I'd guess at least 75% of people would say "Jermaine! Jermaine!" If you were to cast a movie about the Jackson 5, which I'm sure has already been done on a bad TV-movie level, the second biggest cast member would be playing Jermaine, and he would get substantial screen time. Jermaine Jackson has has a consistent and persevering solo career, with multiple albums including two albums named Jermaine (he's not that creative), Come into My Life, My Name Is Jermaine (again, not that creative), Feel the Fire, Frontiers, Let's Get Serious, I Like Your Style, Let Me Tickle Your Fancy (please don't, Jermaine), Dynamite, Precious Moments, Don't Take It Personal, You Said, and I Wish You L.O.V.E. But just because he's released all these albums, and keeps trying to make it happen, doesn't mean that anyone wants him to release these albums. Nobody cares, Jermaine.


2. Tito Jackson - Tito was theguitarist and, if we're all being honest, had much more actual musical talent than Jermaine. Tito could play synthesizer too! Yet Jermaine kept persisting, no matter how little everyone else wanted him to, and kept trying to make his own solo career happen. Tito was grounded in reality, and didn't get involved in all of that nonsense. It was only later in his career did he branch off for his own "solo" work, and then it was as a blues guitarist. Respect, man! Was he as good a singer as the others? Eh, not really. Still though, this is my ranking and I can make Tito #2 if I damn-well want!

1. Michael Jackson - This one is so obvious it's not even worth discussing further, is it? The totality of my explanation could be "I'll Be There" (if we want to strictly be confined by tenure in the Jackson 5 itself) or the single word "Thriller" (if we're considering an entire music career).

Answer: Yikes!