FUN, right?
Will my top choice of 2016 STILL be my top choice in 2024?
15. Trivial Pursuit
This one BARELY qualifies because it sort of kind of has a board. Let’s be honest here – this is really a trivia game, not a board game. But it’s SORT OF a board game because it does have a board that you have to advance on. Great game, but bottom of my rankings in terms of the board sort of not being the main focus of it.
14. Candy Land
This game will forever hold a place in everyone’s heart. It’s basically ever kid’s “My First Board Game.” Ludicrously simple and full of bright colors and images of candy to keep kids interested. Just for childhood nostalgia, this makes the list.
13. Mouse Trap
Absolutely love the idea of a game that is a Rube Goldberg machine. A lot of fun for a kid. If it works properly. And if you haven’t loss one piece. Of course these types of games are for children… and you know what children do? Constantly break and lose shit. Honestly, this game should be sold with a “backup parts” back… because once you lose one piece of the Rube Goldberg machine that is Mouse Trap… the game is unplayable.
12. Stratego
Stratego is a mashup of Risk for people who want Risk to be a lot shorter, and Chess, for people not smart enough to figure out the complexities of chess (not meant as an insult… those people include me). My little brother used to beat the shit out of me at this game every time, so it was his favorite. Then finally something “clicked” for me and I figured out how to dominate at it. Then he never wanted to play it again. What an asshole.
11. (Settlers of) Catan
At some point this game dropped the “Settlers of” prefix and just became Catan. This game almost fits into t he category of those complicated hundreds and hundreds of EuroGames that I said I didn’t want to talk about – only it’s not obscure like those. Catan blew up and became huge and now you can reliably find this board game on the shelf of any Walmart or Target or… wherever I guess they sell board games. It does feel like I need a half-hour re-explanation of how to play this game every time I need to play it again though.
10. Risk
Risk is fine as a game, but was never my favorite. It was sort of a middle-ground game with an easier/shorter version of it (Stratego) and a longer/more complex version of it (to be named later in the rankings), both of which I’d play more than Risk itself. Also, a lot of versions of Risk sold were the boring versions with boring game pieces. You really had to get one of the cool versions of risk with the more elaborate military units. Like Monopoly, there were so many versions of Risk with different pieces and customized for various fandoms. I guess that helps for resale value. Never my favorite though.
9. (The Game of) Life
I do have fond memories of playing Life as a kid. Was definitely a game the whole family could play. Sort of dark that you grow old throughout the game, but at least you just “retire” and don’t die. We all had our favorite careers we wanted to get, and houses that we wanted to own. Choose to skip college. Be forced to have kids. I wonder if they’ve changed and updated this game now. It’s ripe for parody versions I bet.
8. Ticket to Ride
Ticket to Ride falls in the EuroGame category of being a bit more complex, but I like it more than Catan and I can pretty quickly get back into the flow of the game once it gets started. The real secret of the game are those cards you get that have bonuses for making certain secret connections that no one else can see. While a number of people I play against ignore or only maintain a few of those, I always aggressively try to pick more of those early in the game and work to seal off some of those limited corridors in the middle of the country to make sure I can get those bonus points. Usually before final scores are tallied based on those bonus points for connections I’m like in 3rd place among 4 players. But once those go in I surge to the top. Hell yeah.
7. Chess
Yes, I understand ranking Chess this low is a crime. But I don’t particularly like chess. It gets to be included here because it is indeed on a board and is a classic game that requires lots of strategy and complexity. I know it’s like over a thousand years old or something, but just because something is older doesn’t mean it’s better. Skipping rocks across a lake is an older form of entertainment than Netflix – but is it better? No, it’s not. It’s boring. If I’m playing chess, it needs to be against another idiot like me who just barely grasps the rules, has no strategy for thinking several moves ahead, and who regularly calls the Knights “Horsies.”
6. Battleship
Okay. Is Battleship a “board game?” I mean it’s not that polished cardboard board that you fold out like in a lot of these other games… but those plastic things that you put your pegs in… I mean it’s SORT OF a board, right? I know it’s three-dimensional and has that part that goes up at a 90 degree angle, and you’d think “board” should mean “flat” but this counts, right? I say it counts. It’s BASICALLY a board game.
5. Scrabble
Spelling things is a lot of fun, right? Hell yeah it is. Also, whoever plays this game should totally allow “house rules” with “house words” that aren’t necessarily in the dictionary, but so long as you agree on them before-hand, they count.
4. Axis & Allies
What if Risk was even longer and more complicated? Well here you have it. Axis and Allies. But I like it a lot more than Risk. It’s Risk in World War II. And the pieces are a lot cooler. Does the game take a million hours to play? Yes, sort of. Does it suck that someone has to play as the fucking Nazis? I mean for the most part yes, but looking at how this country votes these days I bet at least half of the country is super into that shit.
3. Monopoly
Speaking of long games that are never finished, here we have Monopoly. Right where it belongs at #3. Do I need to mention more about it? No. I do not. You know what Monopoly is. You know how to play it. Everyone has played it. Everyone has tried to steal money from the bank when others aren’t looking. Everyone knows about Park Place and Boardwalk. Most people know that it started off as an anti-capitalism game to show the horrors of it, but instead people totally missed the point and embraced it. Everyone knows how it’s been branded out to a million different licensees who have created Star Wars Monopoly and Transformers Monopoly and Game of Thrones Monopoly and Simpsons Monopoly and Whatever the Pop Culture Trend of the Moment is Monopoly. And there have been just as many bootleg/off brand versions of it that are Other-opolies.
2. Clue
Clue! FUCK YEAH! Great game. Mr. Boddy is murdered and you have to figure out who did it, in what room, and with what weapon. I’ve already ranked Clue suspects, weapons and rooms, so no need for me to talk much about this. Other than reminding you that it is BETTER THAN MONOPOLY. This is almost the GOAT game.
1. Fireball Island
This game is amazing. You are an Indiana Jones-type adventurer and you go to an island to capture a priceless jewel from a cursed god/idol named Vul-Kar. In your quest to capture this jewel, multiple situations might pop up where you get MURDERED by Vul-Kar spitting out a fiery hot fireball at you, which tumbles over you and sets you ablaze (or, you know, in reality just sends you to the “fireball time out” area while you lose the jewel and have to race against others to get it back). How this game never got bigger I’ll never understand. I used to think about this game all the time when I wasn’t playing it. Fireball Island could have been a TV show or movie franchise. Running around as a kid outside I used to pretend basketballs were little Fireball Island pieces and I rolled them at people like a bowling ball and declared them “dead” if I hit them, in a modified version of capture the flag.
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Flashback to 2016: https://edrankseverything.blogspot.com/2016/08/ed-ranks-top-10-board-games.html
Okay, so. Glad my #1 and #2 were the same as before. The other stuff moved around a bit. That's fine. As long as Fireball Island and Clue are always on top, I'll know that I'm always right. Those ARE the two best games.
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