But what should go on your burgers? I'm glas you asked.
Here are the top 10 toppings to put on your burger. Note that I'm excluding condements from this ranking. So things like mustard, mayo, bbq sauce, etc - not on the list. And please don't say ketchup. Gross. What are you, 7 years old?
10. Mushrooms
While mushrooms on a pizza are a solid #2 ranking as seen on last week's edition of Ed Ranks Everything, they're a little more questionable on a burger. First of all, you have to slice them really thin and also cook/saute them for them to be usable on a burger. If you get a Five Guys burger "all the way," they'll come with that type of mushrooms on it, and they can be somewhat slippery and sloppy. For vegetarians, replacing the entire meat patty itself with something like a grilled portabello is a fine option for a mushroom-based burger, but we're not talking about that - we're talking about toppings.
9. Avocado
Not a bad choice, although like with mushrooms these things can get messy. If your avocado is on the firmer side, it might slip right off. If it's on the sloppier and more "crushed" side, then it becomes dangerously close to being guac, which I would consider to be dangerously close to more like a "condement" to be excluded from this list. Just find that nice middle ground with your avocado if you want it to be on a burger. I personally don't add avocado to a lot of burgers, but the #9 spot is about where it belongs.
8. Fried Egg
I suppose the other ingrenients on a burger really make the determination of whether a fried egg would be an appropriate addition or not. You'd certainly want bacon if you're going this route. Pretty much this makes it a "breakfast burger," although I believe most "breakfast burgers" aren't even eaten at breakfast. They're more like late night dive bar food.
7. Onion
I talked about onions in last week's Pizza Topping ranking, and noted that I wasn't a huge fan of raw onions. But raw onions actually work well on burgers, along with everything else. Somehow the harshness of the raw onion blends well with other burger toppings and condements. However, you can also go with caramelized/sauteed onions too, which are great on a burger. Some people also go for friend onions, especially on any kind of "southwestern" style burger with BBQ sauce. Or sometimes they even just straight up put onion rings on burgers. All are good choices. Here at #7 we have solidly entered the zone of "things you should absolutely include on your burger." Onion is a great burger topping, no matter in what form.
6. Jalapeños
As with Pizza Toppings again, Jalapenos make a burger better. Please put Jalapenos on your burger unless you're a coward.
5. Bacon
It seems sort of unnecessary to add meat as a topping on to what is already a meat-based meal. But throwing bacon on a burger simply makes it better. The salt. The fat. Hell yeah. No one can say no to bacon, right? I'm sure it's the #1 cause of vegetarians breaking the habit and going back to eating meat.
4. Pickles
The crunch. The salt. The vinegar. Why even bother with a burger if you're not going to have a few pickles on it? Extra pickles, even. Whatever number of pickles you think is the correct amount - double it. That is the real correct amount.
3. Tomato
Every burger should have a tomato slice on it. It is a farce to get a burger without a tomato. Along with the cooked meat, a tomato adds a juicy burst of freshness, balancing out the burger itself with a somwhat tangy sidekick.
2. Lettuce
In principle, lettuce shouldn't be ranked high anywhere. It's so boring. It's essentially flavorless and is just filler. Compared to other greens which have a lot of nutritional value, most types of iceberg or romain lettuce that get put on burgers are sort of water with no real added vitamins or nutrition. So why does lettuce rank all the way up here at #2? It just does, okay. That crunch it adds. No, lettuce flavor isn't strong, but it belongs on a burger. A burger just ain't right without lettuce. Lettuce has its place, and it's place is right here.
1. Cheese
Not even a question. You should never really have a "hamburger." You should be having "cheeseburgers." It is an essential topping. And while we're speaking of cheese - just know that the absolute KING of burger cheeses is American. Sure, if you want to be fancy you can put on swiss or cheddar or havarti or pepper jack, etc. But nothing beats what a nice melt piece of American cheese can do to a patty of ground beef.
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