Ed Ranks the 12 Causes of Death in The Jim Carroll Band's "People Who Died"

Dying is terrible, and there is no real good way to die. But we can all agree that some ways of dying are slightly better than others. Author, poet and punk musician Jim Carroll (who penned The Basketball Diaries) seemed to have known a lot of people who died and described how that happened in his famous 1980 song. Needless to say, his own cause of death in 2009 (heart attack) sounds a lot better than the options he sung about.

12. Bobby (1) - Leukemia. This is clearly the worst way to go. Holy shit this is dark and terrible. Want to make it even worse? Bobby was 14 years old.

11. G-berg and Georgie - Hepatitis. Like poor Bobby above, this sounds like a long and painful death that sucks super hard.

10. Brian - Killed by a biker gang for being a snitch. Jim Carroll didn't describe the exact method of death here, but needless to say it was probably horrific. But at least with the vagueness of the description, there is some hope for Brian that it was at least quick.

9. Bobby (2) - OD'ed on Drāno on his wedding night. What the hell? On his wedding night? That's pretty damn sad. But again... at least quick. How many people did Jim Carroll know named "Bobby" who died? If you were named Robert, you would not want to befriend this guy.

8. Eddie - Got slit in the jugular vein. Yikes. Just yikes. Again, at least this sounds like it happened fast.

7. Tony - Pushed off roof.  Yep, pushed off the Boy's Club roof by some asshole named Herbie. Awful.

6. and 5. Teddy and Mary (Tie) - Fell to deaths. Like Tony, these two fell to their deaths. But their deaths are slightly less horrific because they weren't brutally murdered. Teddy sniffed glue and fell from a roof, while Mary "dived from a hotel room." I keep flip-flopping in my mind over which way to go is worse (high and unintentional versus intentional), so I'll just go ahead and say they're equally as bad.

4. Bobby (3) - Hung himself in a cell. ANOTHER BOBBY?!

3. Sly - Shot in head in Vietnam. This is terrible, but at the very least it sounds like it was probably instantaneous. That or damage to the nerves in the brain would have hopefully meant he felt nothing.

2. Judy - Jumped in front of a subway train. Seems quick and clean. I get why so many depressed Japanese people do this.

1. Cathy - Overdosed on 26 pills and wine. Suicide is always a bad idea, but of the options this is a pretty practical one. 10 pills seems like it might almost kill you but instead you'd live and be messed up for the rest of your life. But 26 pills? That should do it! Cathy was 11 years old though. Fuuuuuuuuuck.