Ed Ranks Arabic Numerals

This one will be super easy to do. There are only ten of these, but this list will be confusing if the numbers I use to rank the Arabic numerals are Arabic numerals. So to avoid confusion, for the first time ever I'll just have to write the words out to count down. Let's give it a go!

Tenth Place - 6

6 is just unappealing. I don't like how it looks, and its not cool enough to be 5 or 7.

Ninth Place - 9

9 is coincidentally in ninth place. It's just an upside down 6. 

Eighth Place - 3

3 looks kind of like balls or boobs, but sideways. 3 is silly.

Seventh Place - 1

1 is the loneliest number, and visually it's super lazy. It's just a straight line. Be a little more creative, 1.

Sixth Place - 4

There is nothing super awesome about 4, nor is there anything I dislike about it. It just sort of exists there. 

Fifth Place - 0

0 is a circle, which is lazy but also much cooler than a straight line. It's also cool that 0 didn't exist in Roman numerals. While that's sometimes overstated and the Romans did have a concept of nothing (nulla), it's still awesome to think about 0 sometimes. Does 0 even exist? How can nothing exist if it's nothing? My mind is about to explode.

Fourth Place - 2

2 is the first even number. Every other number is divisible by it. That's worth something, right? All the good songs about numbers are about 2. In contrast, all the songs about 1 are depressing. 

Third Place - 5

Even though 5 is an odd number, it's sort of even-feeling to me. Probably because it's exactly half of 10, which is the number count by which we base everything in the world on. And it's just a fun number to write. Don't you like writing 5's? I think they're the bomb.

Second Place - 8 

While 5 is kind of fun to write, 8 is absolutely the most fun. It's so loopy and cool. And it's the best number to drive a figure of in your car. If you've been driving figure 4's your whole life, then you've been missing a lot (plus how the hell are you doing that anyway? Those must be some pretty sharp turns). 8 is also infinity sideways, which is almost as freaky and crazy to think about as 0.

First Place - 7

Why is 7 so beloved? I don't know. But several polls conducted over the past few years all concluded that 7 was overwhelmingly people's favorite number. If you hit 7 on the slot machines, you win big. Because 7 is "lucky!" Snow White has 7 dwarfs. There are 7 days in a week. James Bond is 007. There are 7 ancient Jewish Holy Days and God told Moses to design the menorah to have 7 lamps. Actually, now that I've written that all down I guess I answered my original question about why 7 is so beloved. It probably all originated with the bible stuff, huh? 7 signifies death in Chinese culture, which makes it slightly less lucky. But to me, that makes the number itself even cooler.