Ed Ranks Insightful Comments on a Breitbart Article About an Emma Watson Film

Now that Steve Bannon has the important job of being the chief strategist of the President-Elect of the United States (who is unfortunately NOT the much more preferable option of a Racist Goat), it's time to look and see what the intelligent and informed people of his website, Breitbart, have to say about an artsy Emma Watson independent film that opened up to a $61 gross box office return after it was only released in five theaters.

Oh, and did I forget to mention that a little bit before this movie came out, Emma Watson made some comments about refugees needing to be treated with respect and human dignity? Because she did, and those kinds of words are fightin' words!

I am, alas, not making any of this up. Note that there were a lot more than 15 comments written. My brain started to rot after reading though, so I had to stop somewhere. These are how I rank the 15 gems which I picked out.

15. "Just liked [sic] another English beauty, Megan Fox. Million dollar looks and a 2 cent brain."

The human being who left this comment must have apparently watched all the Transformers and Ninja Turtles films and said to himself, "look at that classically-trained British actress."

14. "THATS [sic]THE DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS way. however they actually suck the tax payer test. Chech [sic] this movie out: HillarysAmericaTheMovie.com. It's worth the cost. It PROVES the democrats are ALL LIARS & that the Clintons are despicable corrup [sic] power hungry satans [sic]"

So many spelling errors. So much all-caps. So much crazy.

13. "I haven't given the holly weird libs 1 thin dime of mine in 8 yrs. and I won't ever. You give it to them, they give it to the politicians. This includes movies, music , clothing, etc. I will not be part of donating to libs destruction of my country."

"Holly weird" is such a lame insult for Hollywood. You'd think you'd be a little more creative with your overwhelming hatred for all things diverse and different.

12. "If you hunt around on the web you can see most for free.(might not be a very good copy). I've caught some a week before they come out in the theater."

This writer, whose logo is a confederate flag (shocked?), seems to be advocating illegal activities that violate intellectual property right laws. Maybe the FBI should be investigating him instead of Hillary. It's punishable by up to 5 years in prison and a fine of $250,000. At least according to that blue screen at the beginning of the film.

11. "Nah. She was exposed to the toxic rhetoric of Feminist/Lesbianism in Hollywood while making the movies."

An accusation that Emma Watson must be an evil lesbian feminist (which are the same thing to this writer) because she's liberal. Well, I'm sure that's the first and only time that will happen on this comments page.

10. "She probably doesn't do men."

I stand corrected.

9. "I loved Emma Watson until she went to college and got all liberal and vocal... She should have kept her liberal views to herself and she might still turn out a crowd.."

All things considered, this is about as moderate and informed of a comment as anyone could possibly imagine on an internet comment board.

8. "Too bad Emma but all you are is a pretty face and apparently few brains or common sense."

Remember women, your only redeeming quality is your attractiveness.

7. "As a wife and mother of all daughters...I resent everything about Emma Watson and what she represents. I would never want her to influence my children...and future grandchildren."

Damn those Wicca, pagan, satanist Harry Potter kids trying to destroy our children! This woman is finally standing up to it.

6. "Liberal college graduates earn the most money and pay the most in taxes, so we are paying the bills while the overwhelming majority of welfare recipients are southern, conservative, religious, racist, homophobic, sexist trailer trash like yourselves. So be nice or we'll take your food stamps away and you will have to buy your own ramen noodles and tasty cakes, you fat inbred scum."

Wait, what are you doing on Breitbart, sir? I believe you have mistakenly left the Huffington Post and are commenting on the wrong website.

5. "Glad she failed. Hopefully she'll stop making movies. Leftists are evil"

To the point. You have to respect that much, at least.

4. "Maybe Emma should go back to Hogwarts School to brush up on her magical powers.
Or perhaps Emma really graduated from Hogwash School, not Hogwarts."

I kind of enjoy this one because how cheesy and lame it is. "Hogwash." Hehe. This insult is almost good enough to be ironically bad. Like the user said it as a form of anti-humor because it was such a terrible joke. Alas, in reality I doubt irony or sarcasm was actually involved and this was earnest.

3. "Emma Watson's still acting?"

Ouch, sick burn bro.

2. "Would still bang"

Your opinion is noted and she politely declines your kind offer.

"Minorities are not to be trusted, Mr. Punch."

1. "Puppet shows are a great way to entertain your kids. And you can control the story so that they aren't corrupted by Hollywood. My kids love my puppet show of the giant (Trump) who frees the land of the evil goblins (liberals)"

This one is so fucking off-the-rails crazy that it went from bad to #1. I'm imagining this crazy human being actually giving his children conservative puppet shows rather than allowing his children to watch evil, liberal television. His children will be too stupid and misinformed to even know that they're missing anything good (like Westworld). Or too stupid to secure jobs in the future beyond gas station attendants. But whatever.