Unranked - Chestnuts.
These are hideous and never should be consumed in any circumstance, roasting on an open fire or not.
10. Walnuts
Walnuts look so much like pecans that you might think they taste similar. They do not. Do not get them confused and grab a hand full of walnuts to snack on instead of pecans. Some people have described walnuts as having a “distinct” flavor. Sure. True, it is “distinct.” But you could also say that eating cat shit right out of the litter box has a “distinct” flavor. Walnuts are about the same. Bitter. Musty. Soiley. An awful texture. I’d recommend these things get ground up for mulch but I bet the Earth would think they are disgusting too and doesn’t want them.
9. Brazil Nuts
Nobody east Brazil nuts on their own. You’ll only find these in mixed nuts. I suppose they taste fine, but they are a lot larger than all the other nuts in mixed nuts and sort of don’t fit in because of it. Also, they are apparently high in selenium which appears right next to arsenic on the periodic table and while trace amounts are needed for cellular function in animals – larger amounts are typically considered as toxic. So I wouldn’t make a habit of snacking on these things. Hrm. No wonder you only find these things in mixed nuts in small quantities and never on their own. They are apparently a bag of poison.
8. Pine Nuts
Pine Nuts taste fine, although they are a bit subtle (or is “delicate” the right word?). Is there a slightly pine-ey taste there too? Yeah, but it’s not as bad as one of those gross PineSol-tasting IPAs. In the end, I feel like they aren’t versatile enough. I buy these to make pesro with fresh garden basil and basically don’t buy them for anything else. They also cost like a bajillion dollars for a tiny bag of them. Why? They come from PINE TREES. Those trees are everywhere. If you think there is a pine tree shortage for harvesting these things, let me point you to a place called OUTSIDE where right now looking out my window I can see at least 6 of them and they are all huge.
7. Hazelnuts
Hazelnuts are nothing without chocolate. I like whole or chopped hazelnuts inside of chocolate bars, and I like blended up hazelnuts mixed with chocolate like Nutella. They also come inside mixed nuts but sort of just exist there. They can be consumed no other way. By the way, some people used to call these things “filberts” when I was growing up and that was the stupidest thing ever. I assume nobody under 60 calls them this anymore though. Which is good marketing. Filberts is horrible branding.
6. Peanuts
While peanuts are extremely versatile and can be used for a lot of things – like hazelnuts, they aren’t particularly anyone’s favorite nut to snack on itself. Most mixed nuts sold out there contain peanuts – with peanuts clearly being the cheap “filler” nut that makes up 50% or more of the entire thing. So much so that fancy, expensive mixed nuts specifically advertise how they have either no peanuts or less than 50% peanuts to charge higher prices. While PBJs and Reeces are amazing foods… the actual peanut itself? I suppose I might snack on them at like one in every five baseball games I go to for the tradition of it, but with all due respect to Jimmy Carter (if he is still alive at the time of this post going up)… peanuts aren’t anyone’s favorite, are they?
5. Cashews
Cashews are great nuts. They are a highlight in a bag of mixed nuts for me, and in those more expensive bags of nuts that advertise no peanuts as filler… the cashews themselves often act as the new replacement filler (which is okay with me). After that initial crunch into them they have a surprisingly creamy/buttery texture for a nut and can be enjoyed on their own, or with either sweet or savory dishes.
4. Pistachios
Another amazing nut. You know if your bag of mixed nuts has pistachios in it, you’ve got the fancy stuff. And more and more these days, people are just buying straight up bags of pistachios to eat rather than having them mixed up with other things. Cracking the clam shells of pistachios is totally the new cracking peanut shells. And it’s slightly cleaner than a peanut since you’re just left with the two halves and not all that dusty, flaky, paper-ey skin stuff (I believe it’s technically called “pellicle”) that surrounds peanuts when you crack them open. Seriously the table at a Five Guys looks like a war zone if you get those peanuts. And pistachio ice cream is soooooo goooooood.
3. Pecans
Pecans are amazing and deserve to be up here at #3 and I’ll fight you over these. While most people don’t snack straight up on pecans themselves – they have a rich, buttery flavor that makes them super versatile. My grandma had a pecan tree in her yard and every year we could fill like 20 of those orange Home Depot buckets with pecans. You can absolutely bake with pecans (the aforementioned pecan pie, or put them in things like brownies and cookies), throw them in salads, make them a key ingredient in any trail mix or granola, “candy” them to make candied pecans or pralines, make pecan brittle (so much better than peanut brittle), the list goes on.
2. Macadamia Nuts
Holy hell are Macadamia Nuts good. And all those various flavored versions of them from Mauna Loa are so delicious (and, alas, like $20 a bag). Why do they taste so good? I don’t know, but I sort of guess that they must have like 400 calories or something. Like cashews they have that buttery texture but in this case it almost tastes like butter itself. So tasty. These can 100% be snacked on their own, so much so that I’d say that it would almost be a waste to place them in a macadamia nut cookie… only it’s not because those are so damn amazing too.
1. Almonds
Almonds are clearly the GOAT nut. They taste so good to snack on just on their own, and they can be used a million different ways culinarily. There are so many examples of there being products out there where almonds are added and it’s improved. Regular M&M? Boring. Peanut M&Ms? Better. The best M&M though? Almond M&Ms. By far. Snickers bars? They’re fine. Not as good as Snickers Almond though (which were once upon a time called “Mars Bars” in the United States – completely different than British Mars Bars, but that’s a different story for a different time). Eat them raw. Roast them. Put them in various dishes. Almond butter. Almond milk. They are also supposed to be super healthy because they are nutrient rich, have the types of fats that don’t really contribute to bad cholesterol and heart disease, are calorie dense and have fiber ro help people fill “full” without eating too much, and have antioxidants that I’m told are like good or something. I’m not really weighing all that health stuff though in these rankings. I’m talking about deliciousness and almonds are a clear winner.
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