Ed Ranks Every Olivia Rodrigo Song

It's obvious where the kiddos should turn when they want to hear the latest about Olivia Rodrigo: a barely active blog written by a 42-year-old man who really only listens to rock and metal. Well, you're in luck because I'm ranking all of Livvy's (that's what they call her, right? How do you do, fellow kids?) 23 song from her two albums - SOUR and GUTS (I know technically she also sings songs from Disney Channel shows, but no those aren't making these rankings,and neither are random "bonus" tracks that appear on limited editions of albums).  

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Ed, seems like a pretty difficult task to rank 23 straight sad songs about ex-boyfriends.” But that’s where you’re wrong because only like 65% of them are sad songs about ex-boyfriends. There are also angry and sarcastic songs about ex-boyfriends too. 

Why do this though? I mean… something something… witty, genre-transcending voice of her generation that comfortably shifts between pop and rock with emotionally-compelling songs… something something… universal relatability… something something ability to capture feelings of disillusionment, heartbreak, growing pains… something something mental health, the pressures of sudden stardom, societal expectations for young women… something? Look, I’m not a music or social critic, I just rank things. So, if I had to provide an answer for why I’m doing this ranking… maybe it’s because she likes to swear. A LOT. Which, as someone who has had my blogger posts taken down because they contain too much swearing, I can fucking appreciate. Oh, and I guess also because she’s a smokeshow.

23. 1 step forward, 3 steps back

• Memorable Lyrics: “You got me fucked up in the head, boy”
• Number of Swear Words: 1 (fucked)
• Analysis: My least favorite Olivia Rodrigo song upon listening through her two albums. To me it sounds like a fairly "meh" angsty song that any teenage girl might write. It’s not very complex or witty like she usually is – the title and primary metaphor that she sings mumbles through the song seem pretty basic. It sounds about as complex as a song me and some classmates wrote in 6th grade for a music class assignment that was a jokey tale about parents beating their child (I know, I know, you might say that isn’t funny… but Rodrigo would laugh. I have some insider information that she’s alright with jokes 'bout senseless cruelty, that's for sure). I guess technically this may not be an “ex” song though, because the tense of the song makes it seem like this about an ongoing shitty relationship rather than a past one.

22. enough for you

• Memorable Lyrics: “But God, you couldn't have cared less / About someone who loved you more”
• Number of Swear Words: 0 (lame!)
•  Analysis: This one ranks right above “1 step forward, 3 steps back” in terms of “haven’t I heard this exact sad song elsewhere on this album?” Another sad, minimalist song about shitty boy who broke your heart? Yep. Versions of this are all over SOUR, and this one’s main hypothesis is that the breakup was because she wasn’t “exciting” enough. Strange reason. But this one gets a slight edge over “1 step forward” because… uhm… well, I guess it’s a little better. It just is. Told you I’m not a music critic.  

21. lacy

• Memorable Lyrics: “Dazzling starlet / Bardot reincarnate”
• Number of Swear Words: 1 (hell, if that counts)
• Analysis: First of all, if someone’s skin is “like puff pastry,” they should go to the emergency room immediately. That does not sound healthy. Second… uhm… Lacy girl… RUN. Because this song sounds like the type of song Chapman might have written about John Lennon. Olivia’s lyrics make her sound like a crazed stalker with a love/hate relationship with this Lacy gal. One common interpretation of this song is that it’s about a romantic rival (the line “You got the one thing that I want”) but there is no actual lyrics that indicate the one thing she wants is Lacy’s boyfriend. Lacy could really have anything that Olivia wants so badly that it causes this intense love/hate dynamic. Maybe Lacy has a rare “Recurring Nightmare” card from Magic: The Gathering and Olivia is super jealous and THAT’s the one thing she wants. I mean it’s POSSIBLE. Pretty anti-feminist of you to assume it’s about a boy.

20. hope ur ok

• Memorable Lyrics: “Does she know how proud I am she was created / With the courage to unlearn all of their hatred”
• Number of Swear Words: 0
• Analysis: SOUR concludes with a heartfelt and sentimental song about old friends she’s lost touch with over the years. In this day and age of social media and everyone being online, it feels sort of strange that it can still happen… but yeah… there are particular kids from grade school who aren’t online and I have no idea what the hell happened to them. The particular friends she mentions here are ones who had troubled relationships with their shitty parents and while she has no idea how they’re doing, she, well, hopes they’re okay. I mean I’m glad this song isn’t yet another one about an ex boyfriend, and while the subject matter is certainly relatable, it’s solidly in the lower tier.

19. happier

• Memorable Lyrics: “And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? / An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean”
• Number of Swear Words: 1 (bullshit)
• Analysis: Olivia Rodrigo? More like Tom PETTY because this song is PETTY AS FUCK AND I LOVE IT. Rather than simply being sad about a breakup, now she’s moved on to acceptance that her ex has moved on, and while she doesn’t necessarily wish him and his new girl ill will, she doesn’t exactly wish them good will either. While she at least claims that she hopes he is “happy,” she most definitely wants to make it perfectly clear that she hopes he is NOT “happier” than when he was with her. Pettiness and selfishness are valid, Olivia. You are valid! ‘Preciate you!   Anyway, if you're thinking this song is much better than #19 and I'm crazy for ranking it this low... I mean fine, I understand. I'm not saying I dislike the song. It has its moments. I just like the other songs better, okay? Get off my case. 

18. traitor

• Memorable Lyrics: “God, I wish that you had thought this through / Before I went and fell in love with you”
• Number of Swear Words: 2… but barely (1 hell, 1 damn)  
• Analysis: Immediately after the rockin “brutal” opening track, we turn to what a lot of the rest of the SOUR album is going to sound like: slow, piano-based, minimalist heartbreak ballads. Rodrigo asks “Ain’t it funny?” several times in this song, and it is most definitely NOT funny. It is sad. It’s about a boyfriend who was clearly already moving on and starting to make moves towards a new girl while they were still together and although he technically didn’t cheat (that she knows of – “you'd talk to her / maybe did even worse”), he’s still a douchenozzle shithead for gaslighting her (or, as she puts it, is “a traitor”).  If you like heartbreak ballads strap yourself in, because more of these are coming. 

17. pretty isn't pretty

• Memorable Lyrics: “And I try to ignore it, but it's everything I see / It's on the posters on the wall, it's in the shitty magazines”
• Number of Swear Words: 3 (2 shit/shitty, 1 fucking)
• Analysis: Thematically this song from GUTS is somewhat similar to SOUR’s “jealousy, jealousy” in that it touched on a lack of self-confidence and the difficulty in living up to unachievable ideals of beauty. However, it does differentiate in that here Rodrigo is clearly speaking to post- celebrity experiences of her insecurities despite massive fame and adoration, while the former song touches upon more universal insecurities that any young teenager might be faced with when browsing through pretty people on social media. I certainly get it, and yes I can understand that beautiful people can think they’re ugly just like I can understand that amazingly talented  people suffer from imposter syndrome. Still, in terms of more general appeal and relatability for a song that does touch on a similar theme, I think the version from SOUR does it slightly better, so I’m going to rank these two together, with the next one picking up the slight ranking edge…  

16. jealousy, jealousy 

• Memorable Lyrics: “C-comparison is killing me slowly / I think, I think too much / 'Bout kids who don't know me”
• Number of Swear Words: 0 (surprisingly)
• Analysis: After the teenage angst-themed opener of “brutal,” SOUR then goes on to have SEVEN ex-boyfriend songs in a row, which is fucking exhausting. By song nine I’m absolutely ready and thankful for a new subject: social media and the artificial images of happiness, prettiness and success that flood her feed and make her feel insecure about herself. She’s unable to stop comparing herself to the people she sees, wishes she were them, etc. – all while she’s very much aware that what she’s looking at is polished and unreal. I can certainly see how much thing song resonates and represents the absolute mindfuck that young people are dealing with as they navigate their teenage years (especially years they were locked in the house during a pandemic quarantine with little to do other than be plugged in to social media). Rodrigo also makes sure to add in some of her wonderful trademark pettiness/spite from songs like deja vu & good 4 u with lines like “And I'm happy for them, but then again, I'm not.” Hell yeah, you all american bitch, you.

15. favorite crime

• Memorable Lyrics: “Those things I did / Just so I could call you mine / The things you did / Well, I hope I was your favorite crime”
• Number of Swear Words: 0 (this has become an alarming trait in the last half of SOUR… where did all the swearing go?)
• Analysis: If the large number of Olivia Rodrigo minimalist heartbreak piano ballads about toxic ex boyfriends give you the impression that she’s a bit of a victim, almost like crimes have been committed against her – WELL, okay, let’s just let that metaphor forge this song (including references to, bloody hands, fleeing the scene, alibis, sirens). Admittedly, Rodrigo never actually plays the victim in this song (or any other, really – she is always self-aware and critical of her own role she plays in bad relationships, whether it be from nativity or other factors – see “making the bed” below) and describes herself as an “accomplice” to her ex.  Despite some thematic repetition with other songs, I kinda dig this one. Not my favorite by far, but man… have I talked about how this woman can absolutely sing her fucking heart out when she chooses not to do the mumble thing?  

14. logical

• Memorable Lyrics: “The sky is green, the grass is red / And you mean all those words you said / I'm sure that girl is really your friend”
• Number of Swear Words: 1 (hell)
• Analysis: “logical” is about as close to a SOUR-style minimalist heartbreak ballad as appears on all of GUTS, but you can still certainly see the growth (I'm not sure she'd open any song on her first album with the words "Master manipulator" - wow, she gets RIGHT TO THE POINT here). Although to be honest – this song is basically just “OPPOSITE DAY, THE SONG” where Rodrigo says some things that are the opposite of the truth, and then says things to indicate her relationship with her gaslighting douche boyfriend was perfectly fine. So yeah… okay… I guess that’s sarcastic, but it’s not quite as satisfying as how she uses sarcasm in songs like “good 4 u” or “happier.” There are some great lines in this song (by the way, any boyfriend who says Rodrigo "can’t get him off" is either gay or impotent, so that’s on him) and the callback to castle building means that the douche boyfriend here is almost certainly the same castle-building douche from “vampire” (earlier on the album, but not ranked here yet) but all that really does is remind me how much more I want to listen to “vampire” again instead. 

13. drivers license

• Memorable Lyrics: “Can't drive past the places we used to / go to / 'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe”
• Number of Swear Words: 2 (fucking)
• Analysis: This was the song that introduced most people to Rodrigo and made her a star (it got her a Grammy too). In hindsight, it’s sort of surprising that this was the particular minimalist ballad about heartbreak that launched her career because this album is loaded with minimalist heartbreak ballads and this song doesn’t stand out to me as particularly above some of the others. What the fuck do I know though? Obviously it resonated with people, and yeah… I guess I can see how the lyrics about driving around the suburbs upset, angry, and reflecting over an ex she still has feelings for. Or maybe this was just the first time teen pop fans got to hear someone who really liked swearing drop f-bombs and that resonated with them because that’s actually how teenagers talk. Because FUCK YEAH.  

12. making the bed

• Memorable Lyrics: “Well, sometimes I feel like I don't wanna be where I am / Gettin' drunk at a club with my fair-weather friends”
• Number of Swear Words: 0
• Analysis: An introspective lil’ ditty that covers a theme that plays a secondary role in a lot of other songs on Rodrigo’s first two albums – that she only has herself to blame for a lot of the shit that she regrets in life. But most of those other songs where she admits to guilt / partial blame are related to relationships (in “traitor” she admits she sort of knew what was going on with her boyfriend but chose to ignore it in the hopes of staying together, in “favorite crime” she takes responsibility as an accomplice in the relationship, and the last half of “logical” admits she’s “half responsible” and wonders why she didn’t stop things when she knew she could have). This song instead looks at it more broadly towards dealing with her life as a whole – including the personal choices she’s made as she’s achieved fame and success which haven’t led her to the happiness she expected (I got the things I wanted / it's just not what I imagined) and even makes her think she's spiraling out of control (in a dream that could callback to “drivers license”). I like the song and agree that it’s pretty heartfelt and self-aware, but again… the themes of guilt and her making mistakes are already touched on elsewhere throughout the albums.

11. teenage dream 

• Memorable Lyrics: “Yeah, they all say that it gets better / It gets better / but what if I don't?”
• Number of Swear Words: 0
• Analysis: The last song on Rodrigo’s two albums, and almost assuredly a direct bookend reference to the lyric from “brutal” (aka the first song on her first album): “Where's my fucking teenage dream?” And what a bookend it was, because this one hit me a little harder than I thought it would. I suppose after 23 songs which I initially went into with a sort of a “eh, let’s see how this goes… I gotta do it for the rankings!” slow transformed into “well, Olivia Rodrigo is a damn gem.” Not only was my review ending, but on a pretty sad note, with Rodrigo pondering whether these two albums… her teenage experience… was the apex of her career and life and if it would be all downhill from here. And honestly? The way our culture loves to find fault in celebrities and tear them down (especially pop stars), it’s not a totally unfound fear. It is a pretty dark and pessimistic way to end the album – but on the bright side, I want to express my personal opinion that Rodrigo is wrong here and the best years are still to come. As a teenager you might think your teenage years will be the best – but your 20’s and especially 30’s are much better. When you’re a kid you think you’re old in your 30’s… but the truth is that’s gotta be the best decade. Now as someone who is in my 40’s, I can 100% tell you it’s all downhill after your 30’s. So good news, Livvy – no need to get all pessimistic now at 20. You’ve probably got another solid 20 years to go before your life will begin to become the spiral of awfulness you fear might happen now. 

10. ballad of a homeschooled girl

• Memorable Lyrics: “Thought your mom was your wife / Called you the wrong name twice /
• Can't think of a third line / [mutters for the rest of the song until giving out an exacerbated sigh]”
• Number of Swear Words: 0 (that’s what happens when you are homeschooled, you don’t pick up all the cool curse words from classmates)
• Analysis: WELCOME TO THE TOP 10! This is a fun little song about social awkwardness. Most people can relate to embarrassing memories from their awkward teenage years, and for a while there during the COVID lockdowns literally EVERY kid was a homeschooled kid – starving developing young minds of the social interactions with other human beings they needed to grow into well-adjusted adults. Yeah, not a ton of things to say about this song. Per usual, very clever lyrics… but by the mid-point of GUTS it should be no surprise to a listener that Rodrigo is going to rapidly blast charmingly sharp lyrics about her crippling insecurities at you. 

9. the grudge

• Memorable Lyrics: “And I know in my heart hurt people hurt people / And we both drew blood, but, man, those cuts were never equal”
• Number of Swear Words: 1 (fucking)
• Analysis: Like “logical,” this GUTS song initially felt like a call back to the types of songs that were on SOUR. However, “the grudge” instead rises above the minimalist heartbreak ballads with its immensely well-written, cutting, catchy and emotion-filled lines. Not that the other ballads weren’t emotional… but this song drips anger and bitterness over boring sadness. And technically I’m not sure the song is actually a heartbreak ballad, because while it might be an easy assumption this is about an ex boyfriend (the types of shitty things this person did to her in this song are similar to what she talks about in her other heartbreak songs), she doesn’t actually specify that this was an ex. And as with nearly every other song, Rodrigo’s refusal to actually confirm to anyone what / who the song is about makes it better – as she allows the listeners to fill in their own gaps and make it more relatable to everyone. In addition to the lyric quoted above, there are tons of others, but I also especially love the little mini “in my head” rant: “The arguments that I have won against you in my head / In the shower, in the car and in the mirror before bed / Yeah, I'm so tough when I'm alone and I make you feel so guilty / And I fantasize about a time you're a little fucking sorry.”  Any time I wanna have a good angry cry, I’ll queue this one up. 

8. deja vu

• Memorable Lyrics: “Do you call her / Almost say my name? / 'Cause let's be honest / We kinda do sound the same”
• Number of Swear Words: 1 (shit)
• Analysis:  I think anyone who has been in a relationship with more than one person can relate to the awkwardness and strangeness of times when you do the same thing with one partner than you had done with another, so this is a cool concept that Rodrigo plays with lyrically. And unlike in many of her other "sad" ex songs on SOUR, this one fairly spiteful and vindictive (a “venom-filled diatribe” was one review's description), with Rodrigo openly mocking her ex for repeating the same things they did in their relationship with his new girl. Remember the pettiness of “happier”? It's here and MORE PETTY THAN EVER! And spiteful, vindictive and petty is a vibe that I LOVE and which works well for Rodrigo’s lyrical wittiness. Some of the “hmm”s and “huh”s as she ends verses add glorius additional spite. With the super specific examples she provides in the lyrics, you know that whichever ex this song is about 100% knows it’s about him and knows he’s been roasted. That guy can’t be happy about this song at all. But you who is happy about this song? Billy Joel. I'm sure he absolutely got THE RODRIGO BUMP in album sales after this dropped. 

7. love is embarrassing

• Memorable Lyrics: “'Cause now it don't mean a thing / God, love's fucking embarrassing”
• Number of Swear Words: 8 (3 fucking, 1 goddamn, 1 damn, 3 hell)
• Analysis: To avoid being influenced by anyone else who might be ranking these songs, I haven’t read any other rankings – but I imagine I probably rank this one above where others do, and I'm standing by it. This is a great song, and it is VERY Olivia Rodrigo. It’s like she’s admitting to how embarrassed she is about all her other sad love songs because why did she even waste her time caring about these losers in hindsight?  I think most people have ex’es and can relate with this strong embarrassment towards some of the things they did and think to themselves “why was I even sad when this horrible relationship ended?” Also, this song is also so wonderfully sacrilegious and vulgar: with  liberal use of God, goddamn, damn, hell, Jesus and crucifixion that is enough to make any Christian Rock band clutch their pearls and run away. 

6. brutal

• Memorable Lyrics: "And I'm not cool and I'm not smart / And I can't even parallel park" 
• Number of Swear Words: 1 (fucking)
• Analysis: Wow, okay. First impression from listening to the first song on Olivia Rodrigo’s first album. This is supposed to be “pop?” Because this sounds like rock to me. Is this what the rest of the album is going to be like? (Answer: No). But right off the bat after tricking you into thinking it will be some violin-backed soft song it goes into a grungy, heavily-distorted alt rock guitar riff and then sort of keeps kicking ass the whole time. It sounds much more like a No Doubt or Hole song than I was expecting. It has a fast pace (I mean all her songs do) and just keeps spitting out witty lyrics about her super-relatable anxieties and insecurities. And the tonal shift from the rocking out part of the chorus to a very comically spoken “God, it's brutal out here” is something that is so very awesome and so very Rodrigo (by GUTS she's officially the queen of using tonal shifts). Honestly, I love this song so much I keep thinking to myself "it can't possibly be all the way down at #6... it HAS to be ranked higher!" But then I look through the top 5 and I'm like "okay, well, I guess it's 6." 

5. good 4 u

• Memorable Lyrics: “I've lost my mind, I've spent the night / Crying on the floor of my bathroom”
• Number of Swear Words: 2 (fuck & damn)
• Analysis: The best song on SOUR, this is truly the most sour of them all. Rodrigo at her best. Yes, it’s yet another song about a shitty ex – but Rodrigo enhances the spite from “deja vu” and “happier” up to 11 with heavy doses of sarcasm. I mean this song is ALL SARCASM, NON-STOP. The song has an absolute rock sound as is what they call “a bop,” my friends. There was some criticism thrown at this song being similar to Paramore’s “Misery Business” (and Paramore was eventually given co-writing credit), and while I can certainly see some inspiration, music has always been about being inspired by what came before, so I think most of the criticism is bullshit. Although some people have made mashups of this song with “Misery Business” are those are bangers too. Anyway, GREAT SONG with such witty (and yet vulnerable, awwww) lyrics. Fortunately for Rodrigo’s follow-up album, a lot of songs will lean more in this song’s rock-inspired, clever and sarcastic direction than they leaned towards SOUR’s minimalist dreamy piano/acoustic heartbreak ballads. And that summary there should therefore make the remaining top 4 fairly obvious. 

4. bad idea right?

• Memorable Lyrics: “And I told my friends I was asleep / But I never said where (or in whose sheeeeeets)”
• Number of Swear Words: 3 (2 fuck and 1 fucked)
• Analysis: Another ex boyfriend song? Well, on GUTS Olivia Rodrigo has moved beyond being sad about her ex-es. She’s mostly moved on to being healthily vindictive, ashamed, sarcastic, and spiteful. But in this particular song, she’s going all-in on an unhealthy post-breakup hookup with an ex that she knows is a 100% terrible decision. This is a fun, poppy song about absolutely awful and horny decision-making and I am here for it. As long as you are self-aware that you are making a very poor decision, and you stand by it, then you will not feel like the naïve idiot you have admitted to feeling like in other songs. The lyrics to this one are fun, come at you fast, and overall it’s a masterfully crafted and super catchy pop song. If the “my brain goes, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh / like blah blah blahhhhhhhhhh” doesn’t earworm in your head for the next 20 minutes… then you might not be alive.  

3. get him back!

• Memorable Lyrics: “He had an ego and a temper and a wandering eye / He said he's six-foot-two, and I'm like, ‘Dude, nice try’”
• Number of Swear Words: 1 (shit)
• Analysis: The idea behind this song is simple: “get him back” has double meanings that are polar opposites. She either wants to rekindle the relationship with her ex or get sweet, sweet revenge on him. So which is it? Both! And in this case, my description of “simple” is in no way an insult. Sometimes the simple concepts are the best. I heard this song before it was released as a single (and started appearing in iPhone commercials) and I knew this was going to be a single because no way was this BOPFEST not going to chart. Sarcastic, clever, at times petty, always funny… and sort of a twin song with “bad idea right?” earlier in the album (the GUTS punctuation duo) in that it’s a fun “ex” song that ponders bad decision-making that she knows is bad (“But I am my father's daughter / so maybe I could fix him”: she knows it’s a bad idea, we know it’s a bad idea, everybody knows). I knew these two songs would be ranked back-to-back near the top, but I debated which one I liked more. In the end – the double meaning wins. This is such a satisfyingly catchy song with what is essentially a pun gluing the whole thing together.  

2. all-american bitch

• Memorable Lyrics: “And I make light of the darkness / I've got sun in my motherfuckin' pocket”
• Number of Swear Words: 5 (motherfuckin, goddamn, bitch, fucking x 2)
• Analysis: Just like her debut album kicked off with a pretty awesome song that sounds more rock than pop, so too does GUTS open with a guitar heavy BANGER that kicks ass. Let me tell you, of all the pop rock songs out there which are named after Joan Didion essays and which address issues of repressed anger related to gender roles and how a women and girls should “properly behave” – this is absolutely my favorite. Admittedly I am not aware of any other songs like that, but if there were I am fairly sure this would still be my favorite. This is almost good enough to be my favorite Olivia Rodrigo song period, but as you can see from the rankings I eventually went another direction. It was pretty hard to choose simply one quote for the memorable lyrics section above since this song is LOADED with hot lines (“I got class and integrity / Just like a goddamn Kennedy”,  “I know my age, and I act like it”, “ I know my place, and this is it”, and so on).  Her lines are shot at you rapid fire and as you’re still processing what you just heard, she keeps dropping more and more quotable quotes. The song’s alternation between her using a sort of angelic singsong voice and a shouty Riot grrrl voice is great. It’s snarky, witty, funny, political, intelligent, and it rocks out. 

1. vampire

• Memorable Lyrics: “Ooh, what a mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked-up little thrill / Can't figure out just how you do it, and God knows I never will / Went for me, and not her / Cause girls your age know better”
• Number of Swear Words: 7 (3 fucker, 1 fucked and 3 goddamn)
• Analysis: Well, this is it. This is the best Olivia Rodrigo song. Is it basic bitch-ey of me to pick this? Maybe. Of COURSE it’s going to be a song about an ex, but we have long since departed the sad, broken-hearted young Rodrigo from “drivers license.” This Rodrigo is the spiteful, vindictive, petty, sarcastic, witty, embarrassed for her past naïvety, and totally self-aware Rodrigo that we can hear in songs like good 4 u, deja vu, love is embarrassing, etc, and she is ready to TORCH her ex and won’t even let anyone piss on him to put the fire out. The song is lyrically about a toxic and draining relationship with an older, nightlife-living, self-interested, social climber of an ex boyfriend (although the term “social climber” is now dead to me and I will only use the term “famefucker”) who she was naïve enough to date at such a young age, and which she now recognizes was totally unfulfilling and essentially “six months of torture.” Rodrigo’s uses of the vampire metaphor to describe the relationship are on point and show her her chops as a lyricist. Like a few of the songs above, having to pick the memorable lyrics quote above was a near impossible task because this song is just a barrage of great lines. While some people have theorized that the song isn’t really about a boyfriend (obviously songs can be based on multiple things, so perhaps it’s not ONLY about past boyfriends), I seriously doubt the theory out there that this is about a girl feud with… uhm… some lady… Travis Kelce’s girlfriend or something? I’m not familiar with her. In fact, there are two men who Rodrigo dated between SOUR and GUTS whose biographies match up pretty similar to the famefucking vampire of this song. If I were either of these two guys I would never show my face in public again because Olivia Rodrigo MURDERED THEM WITH GARLIC AND A STAKE THROUGH THE HEART AND BY PUTTING THEM OUT IN THE SUN AND WHATEVER OTHER THINGS KILL VAMPIRES BECAUSE GODDDDDAAAAAMN SHE DROPPED A NUCLEAR BOMB OF A DISS TRACK HERE. This is like the harshest diss track since NWA broke up and they all started talking shit about each other. And musically, the song constantly builds from a slow piano ballad to a more pop/electronic/club track with a catchy beat, before ending as a guitar and drum-flooded song that many have described as a “rock opera.” Olivia Rodrigo is by no means a “pop princess” after this song. She is a ROCKSTAR. Excuse me, I meant a FUCKING ROCKSTAR.

Well, that was that. I hope you liked it. Although in hindsight I'm starting to wonder. Is this really a topic I should have done? Did I do proper analysis and listen to the songs enough times to make a fair call? This is a 5200+ word essay on Olivia Rodrigo songs. Is anyone going to even read all of it? Do I need to trim it down and make it shorter? Does THIS count as a Halloween-themed post because vampire? Do I... 

...fuck it, it's fine.