Ed Ranks the Cast of The Mummy (1999)

The Mummy is a great movie. I watch it whenever it's on TV, despite the fact that I already own the DVD.  Let's talk about the people who make the movie so good, by ascending order of by how much each actor makes the film better. 

12/13/14. Stephen Dunham/Corey Johnson/and Tuc Watkins - The three American treasure hunters. Which one played what character? Nobody cares, so I'm not even going to bother.

11. Bernard Fox as Captain Winston Havlock - The pilot character in the film seems to have just been created to fit some plot hole of how the important characters are going to get from one place to another really quickly. It just feels like he was just added in a late draft of the script.

10. Jonathan Hyde as Dr. Allen Chamberlain - A character who within three seconds of being introduced you can already tell is going to be murdered by the Mummy, who hasn't even been resurrected yet.

9. Erick Avari as Dr. Terrence Bey - The museum curator who you can't quite tell whether he's a protagonist or antagonist. Couldn't they come up with another name? We already have a far more important character named "Bay" in this film, and yet we also get a "Bey."

8. Omid Djalili as Gad Hassan - I know this was supposed to be a "comic relief" character in a movie that benefitted from not taking itself too seriously. But I can't be the only one who thinks that this character is sorta racist, right?

7. Kevin J. O'Connor as Beni Gabor - Speaking of maybe-kinda-racist, there is something a bit off about a guy named "O'Connor" playing a swarthy Hungarian swindler.

6. Brendan Fraser as  Richard "Rick" O'Connell - The main character of this film is just sort of a space filler. You could replace him with any other actor and the film would have probably been about the same. No offense to Brendan Fraser. I actually like him. Where did he go?

5. Patricia Velásquez as Anck-Su-Namun - I can neither confirm nor deny how much I might or might not have masturbated as a teenager in 1999 thinking about Patricia Velásquez in her skimpy chain outfit. 

4. Arnold Vosloo as The Mummy (Imhotep) - No offense to Boris Karloff, but Arnold Vosloo IS the Mummy. The whole make-or-break of this movie was on how cool the Mummy would be, and Arnold Vosloo kicked ass.

3. Oded Fehr as Ardeth Bay - Was this character just the exact same character as Kazim, the leader of the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? Yes. But like with Arnold Vosloo, this was a career-making movie for Fehr and the movie was much better because of this character.

Rachel Weisz as "Porno Librarian."

2. Rachel Weisz as Evie Carnahan - Talk about launching careers, holy crap. Nobody had any idea who Rachel Weisz was before this film and now she's an Academy Award-winning actress that's married to James Bond. She, and her character, were perfect for this film.

1. John Hannah as Jonathan Carnahan - Why is John Hannah not in more things? John Hannah should be in every movie. Why did The Mummy have terrible spin-offs like Scorpion King when it should have just had Jonathan spinoffs about Jonathan doing crazy things like running around scared and stealing ancient treasures. This is a Johnathan world and everyone else is just living in it.