Ed Ranks Ten Random Articles on Wikipedia

I hit the "Random article" option on Wikipedia ten times. I got ten different articles. This is how I rank them.

10. MidMichigan Health - I didn't even read this. Boring.

9. George H. Ittleman - Definitely the most unique name that popped up. Ittleman. It seems like there is a missing consonant at the beginning. He was a progressive New York lawyer. Good for him, I guess.

Probably the first hotlink this image has ever had

8. Žurena - Is a village in Bijelo Polje Municipality, in northern Montenegro. According to the 2003 census, the village had a population of 247 people.  That is all Wikipedia has to say about the town. The whole article was in those words. Every word I write now makes my description of Žurena a longer description than any resident of Žurena has ever taken the effort to upload to the most popular and utilized reference website in the world. If the people of Žurena don't care enough about Žurena to talk about it - why should I?

7. Eicher (surname) - Damn, a disambiguation article? Lame! And none of the six people with the surname Eicher were that famous either. There was a Miss Tennessee 2004, an astronomer, a politician, a director, a record producer, and a "chansonnier." No, I don't know what a chansonnier is but I suppose I should since I took four years of French in High School.

6. FC Levante Las Planas - A Spanish football (pronounced: "sok-er") club. I could not be less interested. A section of the article talks about it's "current roster," but it was last updated in 2013. So for four years nobody has cared enouh about this team enough to make any updates to this Wikipedia page. I thought Europeans were supposed to be all into their soccer teams. I guess not. Even the Bowie Baysox page has been updated more recently, and nobody gives a damn about Maryland-based AA minor league baseball.

5. Lewis Colick - An American screenwriter who apparently hasn't done anything since Ladder 49 (2004). I suppose being responsible for Ladder 49 is reason enough to quit writing. OH YEAH, take that Ladder 49! That's what you get for trying to be a fireman movie! Fuck Ladder 49, I'm on Team Backdraft!

4. Seminal Rats - An Australian punk/indie rock band that formed in 1984 and lasted until their lead guitarist died of a heroin overdose in 1999. Hrm. Heroin Are we sure they weren't a grunge band?

Oh that crazy Astrix and his... whatever he did.

3. Pierre Tchernia - Look, I honestly had no idea who this was before seeing this article, but this is a French (obviously, I mean... Pierre!) producer, writer, animator, presenter and actor. He was part of the creation of the first televised news series in France, presented on 14 Eurovision Song Contests, and was a key figure in the production of many Asterix films. You know Asterix, right? He's, like, the third most important Franco-Belgian character after the Smurfs and Tintin. Asterix is like the French Yosemite Sam.  Anyway, looks like Pierre has a solid career. And while it didn't make news--at least in the US--Pierre was another victim of the dastardly curse of 2016. RIP. 

2. Prostitution in Bangladesh - Titillating! This article begins "Prostitution is legal in Bangladesh, but it is not considered a respectable profession." OH PLEASE, TELL ME MORE! YOU'VE WON ME OVER ALREADY! Ready for some fun stats? NGOs estimate 100,000 prostitutes in the country. There are 20 brothel-villages in the country, the largest of which has 1,300 sex workers in it. But then the next sections of the article are titled "Child prostitution", "Violence against prostitutes", "Human trafficking", and "HIV/AIDS."  Great, now I'm much less excited about that whore village. 

Not the villain in John Wick.

1. Cruella de Vil - Sweet! This one is obviously the winner. I felt totally psyched when I got Cruella de Vil. This means I'm ranking someone that's notable enough that I've already ranked her before! This sure is one evil dog killing bitch! Well, actually she didn't kill any dogs that I remember. She just tried to, but failed. Unlike in John Wick. Man, that was so sad when they killed that puppy in John Wick, huh? Wait... why am I talking about John Wick? I'm supposed to be talking about Cruella de Vil.