Ed Ranks Camping Food

A Canadian about to roast his children, I assume.

It’s almost warm enough to go camping outside (also known by homeless people as “living”) and not freeze to death.

Horray! Let’s do that!

But what should we eat?

10. Fancy Shit – This is a terrible idea. If you google “Camping Food,” you’ll find all sorts of lame, complicated “gourmet” recipes to prepare when you're out in the woods. Forget that glamping nonsense. Buddy, you’re out in the woods with a campfire. You best eat like you belong here. And watch behind your back for Jason Vorhees.

9. Freeze Dried Laziness – If you go into any REI, you can pick up packages of pre-made freeze dried stuff. Supposedly you can just add water and cook it in a pot. I guess. But come on, stop being lazy! You’re not supposed to be out here eating Astronaut Ice Cream. Make something yourself!

8. Random Meat & Vegetables Thrown Together in a Dutch Oven – Seems reasonable, but still a lot of effort.

7. Burgers – Yeah, you could put burgers on the grill (if your camping spot has a grill, rather than open pit fire). But burgers seem more like a “grilling at home” kind of food, rather than a camping thing.

This Dutch Oven.
Not the Urban Dictionary thing.

6. Pot o’ Chili – If you’re going to bring a Dutch Oven, you had best make some chili!

5. Steak – This is sort of like burgers, but I love steak. So have some steak. You can skewer it if that makes you feel better. All proper camping food comes on a skewer. Henceforth, all food below shall be the result of a process that involves a stick.

4. Bacon / Pork Belly – Yeah, make some skewers of this fatty deliciousness and watch the flames rise as the grease drops into it. Those flames are simply the goddess of the hearth telling you. “Good work for burning fat. This satisfies me very much, mortal.” True story.

3. Kebabs – "Skewer + Meat + Vegetables = Camping." This is the only math I truly understand.

2. Hot Dogs – Why even go  camping if you’re not going to roast hot dogs?

Magical

1. S’mores – It is actually illegal in most places (and punishable by death) to not bring marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers with you when you go camping. Or at least it should be.