Every member of the ruthless terrorist organization, COBRA, is looking to win that coveted COBRA COMMAND Employee of the Month Award. They can then proudly display it outside of their cubicle on Cobra Island. Or maybe the Cobra Citadel in Trans-Carpathia. Whatever.
Let's assume that Cobra Commander himself is giving out the awards, and decided not to just give it to himself (although I assume he would). Here is who he would most likely give bestow the award of his greatest employee to:
10. Serpentor - Serpentor is garbage. No way would Cobra Commander give an award to this usurper who tried to make himself Cobra "Emperor." You'd think a guy would be a lot cooler if he was cloned from the DNA of Julius Caesar, Napoleon Bonaparte, Attila the Hun, Vlad Tepes, Alexander the Great, Hannibal, Genghis Khan, and Sgt. Slaughter.
9. Destro - Destro is pretty cool and everything, but no way is he a good or loyal COBRA employee, what with him continually trying to betray Cobra Commander and usurp leadership. Destro is the Starscream of COBRA. Which I find to be very ironic, because you'd think that Cobra Commander would be the Starscream of COBRA.
8. Major Bludd - If Sebastian Bludd is an Australian mercenary then why does he wear a helmet like he's cosplaying as a Prussian Field Marshall fighting on the Eastern Front of World War I? Cobra Commander should ask Bludd that question before even getting into other factors related to his capability as a terrorist mastermind.
7. Zandar and Zarana - The Dreadnok B-Team. Cobra Commander probably forgets that they even work for him.
6. Tomax and Xamot - Ah, twin brothers who serve as the "respectable" public face of Cobra's front organization. Still, they are sort of annoying in that they complete each other's sentences and stuff like that. Lame. That knocks then down the list.
5. Firefly - Sabateur. Mercenary. Assassin. Expert in explosives and demolition. This is a solid team member for any ruthless terrorist organization to have.
4. Doctor Mindbender - An evil, mad scientist is always great to have on your team. He's a multi-discipline mad scientist as well! He's good at engineering (mind control devices, Battle Android Troopers, Brainwave scanners) and biology (genetic manipulation... like that time he created Serpentor). How many PHDs does this guy have?
3. Zartan - Spy, assassin and master of disguise. Why even bother having other Dreadnoks when you have Zartan? Zartan is all you need. And why does a master of disguise sometimes wear makeup on his face that makes him look like the Ultimate Warrior? That doesn't help you "blend in" very well, dude.
2. Storm Shadow - Tommy Arashikage is a ninja who kills people. How awesome is that? Someone should tell him that Ninjas are supposed to wear dark colors. That white outfit is going to really stand out at night. Are you some sort of snow ninja?
1. Baroness - Baroness Anastasia DeCobray is the best. Baroness likely wins the Employee of the Month award every single month.
Let's assume that Cobra Commander himself is giving out the awards, and decided not to just give it to himself (although I assume he would). Here is who he would most likely give bestow the award of his greatest employee to:
10. Serpentor - Serpentor is garbage. No way would Cobra Commander give an award to this usurper who tried to make himself Cobra "Emperor." You'd think a guy would be a lot cooler if he was cloned from the DNA of Julius Caesar, Napoleon Bonaparte, Attila the Hun, Vlad Tepes, Alexander the Great, Hannibal, Genghis Khan, and Sgt. Slaughter.
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| Possibly a picture of Dr. Manhattan. |
8. Major Bludd - If Sebastian Bludd is an Australian mercenary then why does he wear a helmet like he's cosplaying as a Prussian Field Marshall fighting on the Eastern Front of World War I? Cobra Commander should ask Bludd that question before even getting into other factors related to his capability as a terrorist mastermind.
7. Zandar and Zarana - The Dreadnok B-Team. Cobra Commander probably forgets that they even work for him.
6. Tomax and Xamot - Ah, twin brothers who serve as the "respectable" public face of Cobra's front organization. Still, they are sort of annoying in that they complete each other's sentences and stuff like that. Lame. That knocks then down the list.
5. Firefly - Sabateur. Mercenary. Assassin. Expert in explosives and demolition. This is a solid team member for any ruthless terrorist organization to have.
4. Doctor Mindbender - An evil, mad scientist is always great to have on your team. He's a multi-discipline mad scientist as well! He's good at engineering (mind control devices, Battle Android Troopers, Brainwave scanners) and biology (genetic manipulation... like that time he created Serpentor). How many PHDs does this guy have?
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| Possibly a picture of Eva Angelina. |
2. Storm Shadow - Tommy Arashikage is a ninja who kills people. How awesome is that? Someone should tell him that Ninjas are supposed to wear dark colors. That white outfit is going to really stand out at night. Are you some sort of snow ninja?
1. Baroness - Baroness Anastasia DeCobray is the best. Baroness likely wins the Employee of the Month award every single month.
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