10. Ending a Sentence with a Preposition - I would hate to be allergic to this. The title of this ranking ended in a preposition. If I was allergic to this, I'd already be breaking out into hives. Maybe I'd even die. I don't know. I guess it depends exactly how allergic I'd be to ending a sentence with a preposition.
9. Shellfish - A lot of people are allergic to this. Which is a shame. Fortunately I'm not. Although I hear you can develop it. That would really suck. Shellfish are the best fish. Sorry, trout. Or, I guess... NOT sorry. Because if you're less tasty, I suppose there is less a chance I'll eat you. So really, I mean CONGRATS, TROUT! On not being a shellfish!
8. Chocolate - I mean chocolate is pretty tasty. I'd hate to not people able to eat it anymore. I have ranked KitKat bars, after all. I guess I'd live though.
7. Peanuts - Speaking of chocolate... what about it's twin brother, peanut butter? Oh, I would hate being allergic to peanuts. I LOVE peanuts and peanut butter. It's the ultimate, "I'm too lazy to make something, so I'll just eat peanut butter with something" meal. I don't know how people with this allergy even go on living.
6. The Internet - You know how Lenny on Better Call Saul is batshit insane and claims to be allergic to electronic signals and stuff? Cell phones, lights, batteries, etc. I bet that means he thinks he's allergic to computers and the Internet too. That would really suck. It would suck for me some... but do you know who it would really suck for? YOU! Because if I was allergic to the Internet, you wouldn't be able to see these amazing rankings, would you? Unless I just wrote them out on sheets of paper and mailed them like some sort of savage cave person (e.g. humans who lived before 1996).
5. Alcohol - Do I need to even explain this one? How would I even live if I couldn't drink? Oh wait. I remember now. I suppose I could start abusing opioids. Never mind.
4. Pets - Lots of people are allergic to cats and dogs. Those people are the weak ones that should have their inferior genetics culled from the human race. Wait... did I say that out loud? I'm... uh... kidding, of course! All I'm trying to say is that having pets is awesome.
3. Sunlight - I think being allergic to sunlight makes you less "someone allergic to sunlight" and more "vampire." I am glad I am not a vampire. Being a vampire named Edward must SUUUUUUUUCK after Twilight. Although if I were a vampire, I would be super duper extra evil and bloodthirsty just to try to wipe away all the crap associated with Twilight. And I would be well-powdered just to make sure not even the slightest hint of me sparkled.
2. Air - Is it even possible to be allergic to air? Wouldn't I just immediately die? Whew! It's a good thing I'm not allergic to this!
1. Water - "Aquagenic urticaria" is apparently a real thing, which is an allergy to water. How? HOW? Aren't humans made of 70% water or something like that. I'm not going to bother researching the specific number. I'm sure the exact number varies depending on various factors. Look, what I'm trying to get at here is that Signs is a terrible film. What dumbshit type of alien allergic to water invades a planet with a surface mostly of water and with tons of water vapor in the atmosphere. How did this species even get to the point where it could conduct interstellar travel with that level of stupidity?
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| A tasty treat. Or, for some people, violent death. |
8. Chocolate - I mean chocolate is pretty tasty. I'd hate to not people able to eat it anymore. I have ranked KitKat bars, after all. I guess I'd live though.
7. Peanuts - Speaking of chocolate... what about it's twin brother, peanut butter? Oh, I would hate being allergic to peanuts. I LOVE peanuts and peanut butter. It's the ultimate, "I'm too lazy to make something, so I'll just eat peanut butter with something" meal. I don't know how people with this allergy even go on living.
6. The Internet - You know how Lenny on Better Call Saul is batshit insane and claims to be allergic to electronic signals and stuff? Cell phones, lights, batteries, etc. I bet that means he thinks he's allergic to computers and the Internet too. That would really suck. It would suck for me some... but do you know who it would really suck for? YOU! Because if I was allergic to the Internet, you wouldn't be able to see these amazing rankings, would you? Unless I just wrote them out on sheets of paper and mailed them like some sort of savage cave person (e.g. humans who lived before 1996).
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| It's either this or black tar heroin. |
4. Pets - Lots of people are allergic to cats and dogs. Those people are the weak ones that should have their inferior genetics culled from the human race. Wait... did I say that out loud? I'm... uh... kidding, of course! All I'm trying to say is that having pets is awesome.
3. Sunlight - I think being allergic to sunlight makes you less "someone allergic to sunlight" and more "vampire." I am glad I am not a vampire. Being a vampire named Edward must SUUUUUUUUCK after Twilight. Although if I were a vampire, I would be super duper extra evil and bloodthirsty just to try to wipe away all the crap associated with Twilight. And I would be well-powdered just to make sure not even the slightest hint of me sparkled.
2. Air - Is it even possible to be allergic to air? Wouldn't I just immediately die? Whew! It's a good thing I'm not allergic to this!
1. Water - "Aquagenic urticaria" is apparently a real thing, which is an allergy to water. How? HOW? Aren't humans made of 70% water or something like that. I'm not going to bother researching the specific number. I'm sure the exact number varies depending on various factors. Look, what I'm trying to get at here is that Signs is a terrible film. What dumbshit type of alien allergic to water invades a planet with a surface mostly of water and with tons of water vapor in the atmosphere. How did this species even get to the point where it could conduct interstellar travel with that level of stupidity?
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