Ed Ranks Superb Owl Halftime Shows

If you don't ride in on a lion, you're not even trying. 

Ah, the Superb Owl. The mighty Strigiformes with the brown ovular egg.  In celebration of it, we play the game of balls’ foot. And as we are half-way through the game of ball’s foot, we watch a glorious show to celebrate the brown ovular egg.  These are the top 10 of those Superb Owl Halftime Shows: 

10. The Weeknd (Super Bowl LV, 2021)

It was sort of hard to pick #10, because I was making the final choice of what makes the list and what doesn’t. In the end, I went with this weird-ass fever dream of a Super Bowl performance. If you ever wondered what a Super Bowl halftime show would be like if everyone was on PCP… well… here you go! The Weeknd is happy to give you just that. 

9. Rihanna (Super Bowl LVII, 2023) 

This must have looked amazing in person.  Just the incredible technical aspects of how this performance was pulled off is incredible to think about. A pregnant woman was flying through the air on moving platforms in a feat of engineering and choreography that is mind-blowing to think about. Unfortunately though… for some reason… it honestly didn’t translate that well to TV. A lot of people went “meh” to this performance because it didn’t actually seem all that grand from their TV at home because on a TV at home you can’t really understand the scale of it all. But in the actual State Farm Stadium? It must have been INSANE. And let’s not forget the fact that this woman essentially vanished from music for a half decade before popping up here to play. 

8. Lady Gaga (Super Bowl LI, 2017)

Lady Gaga was at the height of fame in 2017 and was a huge draw. And her performance was fine and everything. You know. Visually stunning, high-flying stunts and aerial acrobatics. Etc.  But it was also sort of… safe.  For such a controversial and risqué performer, you’d think she would have been just a little more, well, Lady Gaga.  I get that the NFL producers probably pressured her to “play it safe for middle America,” but they did the same thing to the performer I ranked #1 below and he was like “fuck that.” 

7. U2 (Super Bowl XXXVI, 2002)

This fairly somber post-9/11 Super Bowl featured U2 setting a proper tone with their somewhat brooding music. Yeah, by 2002 U2 had already had their quasi-pop transformation and did of course perform the cheery and upbeat “Beautiful Day.” But more memorable is the projection of the names of those who died in 9/11 and the playing of a very melancholy “Where the Streets Have No Name.”  A bit of a bummer compared to other Super Bowls, but the right choice for a few months after such a major tragedy. 

6. Janet Jackson (Super Bowl XXXVIII, 2004) 

One of the most memorable, for all the wrong reasons. Yes, there was the “wardrobe malfunction” and the nipple.  So you obviously remember that Justin Timberlake was there. But you may have forgotten that this halftime show also featured Diddy, Nelly, Jessica Simpson and… ugh… yes… Kid Rock. Forget about the nip and think about that ultimate 2004 lineup. 

5. 4. Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Eminem, Mary J. Blige, Kendrick Lamar & 50 Cent (Super Bowl LVI, 2022)

When SoFi Stadium in Inglewood, California hosted the Super Bowl – the NFL had to finally do what it had been avoiding for years – acknowledging the existence of rap / hip hop music.  Yeah, I know you think #5 might be a bit “high” for this ranking. Maybe you think there is some recency bias going on here. But come on now, what a huge list of names. And no, “huge” is not referring to the size of 50 Cent. Stop being mean. This was a massive collection of the biggest stars in hip hop and almost served as a mea culpa by the NFL to recognize a form of music that it had been sweeping under the carpet for the red state viewers. 

4. Beyoncé (Super Bowl XLVII, 2013)

Beyoncé’s (look, I’ve taken the time to include the little accent mark!) halftime show would have already been great even if she DIDN’T whip out Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams for a surprise Destiny's Child reunion (and trust me, Kelly Rowland was sitting by her phone every day in the months leading up to the Super Bowl, patiently waiting for a text message from the Queen B to come in via Microsoft Excel). 

3. Michael Jackson (Super Bowl XXVII, 1993)

Michael Jackson's halftime performance in 1993 is essentially the event that elevated the halftime show to the massive production it is today, ending the era of marching bands and beginning the era of huge stars with mega-productions. He did “We Are the World” AND “Heal the World” (with a children’s choir, let’s just move on and not focus on that), he moonwalked. He did “Billie Jean.” By 93 he had already transformed into weird white woman Michael Jackson, so it’s not as epic as an 80s MJ could have been – but still one of the best. 

2. Katy Perry (Super Bowl XLIX, 2015)

Katy Perry's halftime show in 2015 was a giant spectacle with elaborate set designs and guest appearances by Lenny Kravitz and Missy Elliott. There was obviously the performance of "Firework" with, you know, fireworks bursting overhead. But that doesn’t even compare to the greatness of Left Shark and Right Shark, and that huge fucking Voltron Lion that she rode during “Roar.” Hell yeah, Katy. 

1. Prince (Super Bowl XLI, 2007)

I mean this one isn’t even close. Prince's halftime performance during Super Bowl XLI in the pouring rain (as Purple Rain began to play, HOLY SHIT) is obviously regarded as the greatest in Super Bowl history. Electrifying guitar solos, medleys of his hits, and finally some returning "edge" via phallic silhouettes after years and years or boring, lame, sleepy performances post “Nipplegate” that had made the show's producers only put on geriatric white men performances for the next two years after.