Ed Ranks Ways White Kids Can Mess Up Black History Month School Assignments

Well, I can’t let February come and go (although I almost did... happy February 29!) without mentioning Black History Month, aka the month where white kids all over the US typically have to do a "Black History Month" report that a lot of them will fuck up. Most of the time, people select one figure from history and do a report on him or her. But why is there so much fucking up? Various reasons. Here are the top five of those. 

5. You are in Florida, Texas, etc. 

Look kid, this one is less YOUR fault and more the state's fault. Chances are if you live in one of these types of states (I’m picking on these two, but it’s far more than this… and it’s also part of counties and rural towns all over the country) or areas… you never really had a chance to get educated properly about anything. You had legislators pass laws to ban “critical race theory” and other boogeymen that they are afraid make white people look anything less like history’s heroes… and you weren’t able to properly learn shit. Sorry, that sucks. Please escape from where you live and/or go out and vote to change things. 

4. You Did Poor Research and Showed a Superficial Understanding 

You could fit into this #4 category here because you are also a subset of #5 above, but not everybody is. Some people are just lazy and bad students. Or are just straight up racists. Or are just straight up dumbasses. These people will turn in garbage that is poorly researched, inaccurate, or rely on superficial information. Like googling something and taking it from some idiot’s blog about ranking things. Or Wikipedia. 

3. You Implied Racism Was A Thing of the Past Thanks to this Historic Figure  

Rosa Parks. Martin Luther King Junior. Jackie Robinson. Sidney Poitier. Frederick Douglas. The names go on and on. Chances are when many white kids write about these famous Black Americans, they lean in hard on the “and they helped to end racism in America” narrative as part of the story. Which is, you know, never actually happened. 

2. You Picked Barack Obama 

Same as #3 above, but you’re just fucking lazy. I mean come on. Pick someone else. Anyone really. Except no… please… no… please don’t pick an ath—

1. You Picked an Athlete

Ah shit. So you had the assignment to pick a historic Black figure in American history and you chose an athlete, huh? Yeah, no. Just lean riiiiiiight into that stereotype. Dr. Charles Drew pioneered blood transfusions and his work has probably saved hundreds of millions of lives over the years, but I get it… he never got 5 championship rings like Kobe did.