Ed Ranks Other Things WNBA Teams Could Be

12. Atlanta Dream - This could be a Georgia-based Neo-Confederate secessionist movement, set on rebelling against the North and gaining independence for the South once more. New members go to Calvary Cemetery in St. Louis and spit on the grave of William Tecumseh Sherman as an initiation ceremony. And for these reasons, it ranks the lowest.

11. Los Angeles Sparks - This could be referring to the initial starting of fires that led to the destruction of several buildings in Koreatown during the 1992 Los Angeles riots. Which would be kind of depressing, so I'm glad it doesn't refer to that.

10. Chicago Sky - This could be a term we all use to describe the horrible dark clouds that seem to permanently sit over O'Hare and delay the flights of every inbound, outbound, and transfer at this major international airport. Chicago Skies ruin the vacations and business travel of millions of people a year.

9. New York Liberty - This could be an ironic term used to describe New York City's racially-biased stop-and-frisk policing policies. In fact, it probably should be. The "liberty" part needs to be in quotation marks though, so that people who are a little slow picking up on sarcasm can get it.

8. Phoenix Mercury - This could be a worshiped deity in  the ancient Peloponnese, combining aspects of the Greco-Roman gods Hermes (Mercury) and Phoenix. Just like how in the New Kingdom of Egypt the god Amun rose to prominence and was fused with Ra to become Amun-Ra. Phoenix Mercury likely would have combined Mercury's aspects as the "keeper of boundaries" (referring to his role as bridge between the upper and lower worlds) with the Phoenix's association with resurrection and rebirth. But he didn't, because he never had a cult in the Peloponnese, never existed, and was never worshiped.

7. Indiana Fever - This could be the name of a mysterious late 19th Century disease that killed millions of cattle, thus ravaged the South Bend, Indiana meatpacking industry and allowed Chicago-based Philip Danforth Armour to gain a near monopoly over the livestock trade in the Midwest. It could be, but it's not because I made that disease and historic event up.
 

My amazing Photoshop skills

6. Seattle Storm - This could have been the superhero name of X-Men member Ororo Munroe, if her backstory was that she was from the corner of Spring Street and 34th Avenue in Madrona, rather than being a Kenyan witch-priestesses.

5. Connecticut Sun - This could be a cranberry-flavored drink from Capri Sun. Unfortunately, Ocean Spray has totally dominated the cranberry industry and they won't let Capri Sun get into that sweet (but tart) cranberry action.

4. Washington Mystics - This could be a Kennewick-based Wicca community which engages in the duo-theistic worship of a Horned God of fertility and a Mother Goddess. Instead, it is just a basketball team in the District of Columbia.

3. Dallas Wings - This could be a knock-off restaurant located in the Stemmons Quarter of the Big D, which has received numerous cease-and-desist orders and lawsuits from Buffalo Wild Wings© Company for deceptive advertisements, logos, and menu items that make the restaurant appear to be affiliated with the national chain.

2. San Antonio Stars - This could be a show in a similar vein to Americas Got Talent that airs at 3PM on Saturday afternoons on PATV (digital channel 99-21), the 24-hour Public Access channel managed and operated by the City of San Antonio. On this show, San Antonio's minor celebrities would judge up-and-coming local singers, dancers, and other entertainers. A really controversial episode of this show would have been when former San Antonio mayor  Phil Hardberger got into a fight with True Blood actor Kevin Alejandro over whether a magician was worthy to move on to the finals. If it had existed.

Louis Armstrong, not Minnesota Lynx (because he doesn't exist)

1. Minnesota Lynx - This could be the name of an old time Jazz musician who played trumpet on the 1945 album "Charlie Parker and His Re-Boppers" from Savoy Records. Unfortunately, it isn't because the trumpet players on that album were Miles Davis and Dizzy Gillespie.